Rollercoasters

One thing I have never liked, even as a kid, is a rollercoaster. I always end up on one that breaks and causes me some kind of pain. My first one gave me whiplash when the brakes failed at a county fair and it came to a stop on the super at the end, josteling me about...

The next group happened when I was a teenaged and I visited Six Flags as part of a church trip. 2 of the rides malfunctioned while I was on them and 1 hurt my neck after my long hair whipped around a pole on the ride and yanked my head back... Sigh... Fucking rollercoasters...

Now, as an adult, I am on 2 rollercoasters at the same time. I have a son with a lot of medical issues and everyday could be the day I lose him, so my days are filled with waves of him doing really good and then doing really bad. Up and down, my heart jumps to my throat and then settles in my chest again. I cry when he is having difficulties, but then put on that brave smile for him when he is doing better so he can be happy and feel hope. My hope is dwindling, but I still try to hold on to it...

The other rollercoaster is the poly lifestyle. Maneuvering through 5 relationships is interesting and challenging. I say 5 even though I only see 4 people because the triad itself is included as a separate dynamic than the individual relationships I have with My Queen and Sir to me.

Being an owned slave with a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a dominant, and a triad relationship is interesting. When my Master becomes upset, everything gets upset because I will always be his slave first and foremost. This has been difficult because the triad was officially developed during a time in July when I had rejected my slavery because of some other changes that occurred. Recently, Papa Bear has taken back ownership and I have taken his collar again. He is starting to feel positive again about our relationship again and I feel as though I can follow his lead again.

I feel like I am finally starting to level out the rollercoaster, but it is a lot of work. I keep telling myself that a good thing is worth hard work and I fully believe that!

I cannot wait for both of these rollercoasters to settle down and become more like a steady train track...