Until I break

Right now, I feel like I am dying, but I am still alive. Papa Bear is trying to help me find myself again... Being around people is helping... Texting with people is helping... Not focusing on myself is helping...

I am falling back into a submissive position, and will become the slave I want to be again, some day... But for now, a sub... My mind just refuses to think about the details of serving my Papa Bear... And he is handling me with kitten gloves... My head and heart ramble on about nonsense to everyone and I can tell that I am being watched closely... I can tell that we are waiting for me to break... I am waiting for myself to break...

I keep crying during play and sex... My sub space is just full of tears now... I feel like it will be a while before that stops, so I need to just go with it... Just get used to crying, because right now, crying feels so good... It feels like it gets the despair of losing my son out... But I  can't just cry, it has to be dragged out of me... Because I have to stay strong... Until I finally break...