Dripping Mormonism

i woke up Saturday morning earlier than everyone in the house, so i got up and went outside with a cup of cocoa cappuccino and my phone and Sire's book, which is how i usually like to start Saturday and Sunday mornings. As i cracked open the book, my phone vibrated. i checked it and it was my mom, notifying me that my grandma is passing... My heart dropped and i started crying on the patio...

Suddenly, it was like losing my son all over again, which was a different experience for me. Before he passed, i had no reaction to death. Now that he is gone, every death impacts me so deeply and reminds me of the feeling of actually losing him. i will never need to be reminded of the fact that he is gone, but the feeling of losing him is something that i would like to stop feeling... That heartbreak is different than the normal heartache i feel. If you have lost a child with special needs, then you know how hard this feeling is... One of great joy because they no longer have to suffer, but also of great misery because everything in life revolved around that child before they passed and it is like the sun has been taken out of the solar system and we are aimlessly drifting around...

i had planned to do the zoo in the morning and then go to dispose of my garments in the evening. My mom said to continue with my day as she hadn't passed yet and she wouldn't want me waiting around for her to pass on... They knew i had already experienced that back in September as my beautiful boy wasted away to nothing before his bright light finally moved to another plane...

So we went to the zoo, Daddy, Sweetheart, my dad, myself, and my two boys. We had so much fun at the zoo. Sweetheart and i were picking on each other like sisters the whole time we were there. Pushing on each other, hitting, holding hands, and running around like little kids. i hip checked her and she spilled water on herself because she had an open water bottle in her hands, so she dumped water down my underwear... Good times, lol...

Saturday evening came quickly after the zoo. We went to Twinsie's house and set up the party. She had done most of the cleaning the night before. We still had some items to grab at the store, but Daddy was excited after watching girls cleaning and setting up for the party, so He fucked Twinsie as i had my monthly visitor (stupid period). After Daddy went to the store, Sire came in with his happy smile and i released the frustration and worry from the night before.

i tried to start the fire, but had Sire help cuz blowing on a lot of tinder wasn't working on the wood we brought. Frisky, her Master, and a new friend came along. Lil fox had to cancel and Sweetheart was uninvited due to Twinsie's request because of the drama filled SWLC weekend. i had decided that i wasn't going to burn my garments that day because of my headspace from the night before and the loss of my grandma.

While waiting for the fire, Twinsie and Daddy had gone inside. i honestly wanted to get the burning part over so Sire and i could play. i missed my sweet Sire as the drama of the weekend took a toll on each of us. They were taking too long, so i went in to find them. As Daddy came out first, He quickly filled me in on what was taking them so long. Twinsie was upset because we were chatting about stories from the night before and she wasn't aware that Sire went to our house that evening and felt she was lied to.

My only hard limit is lying. i can't stand it. i would rather be hurt with the truth than to unknowingly live a lie. So my first instinct was to go talk to Sire about it and get to the bottom of it. When i turned to go talk to him, Daddy told me to save it for another time so we didn't ruin everyone's night... So i listened, but it put me in a bad headspace.

i tried to participate in the burning, but just kept burying myself in the booze and the bud. Neither wanted to work for me. i sat with Sire and cuddled as the garments burned and we watched the aftermath drip from a log into a weird gooey puddle, destroyed in one of the methods required by the institution... We do like to follow rules, after all. Then we went to the play room and Sire used my rope on me. i was able to partially lose myself in the artwork of Sire's rope laying skills. My legs were bound tightly into the number 4 and my arms were tied behind my back. He then flipped me over and the pain was just what i needed to feel comforted. He allowed me to stay in the rope for a while, which was awesome. His hands were on me and He fingered and licked my ass. We cuddled together and watched as our other friends played. Frisky watched our scene and seemed happy when Sire mentioned that she was watching a blog happen before it was posted. Frisky reads my blog pretty regularly -thank you sweetie- and keeps me on top of it... Don't want to disappoint my readers, lol.

i watched from afar as Twinsie placed needless in Frisky's back. It was hot! Then Daddy had me move to a spot closer to the action and the smell of alcohol gave me a bad headache, so i had to move back to my spot by the door to get fresher air. We decided to go back outside, so Sire built the fire again. As the music played, i danced on my Daddy and we watched a scene between our friends on the lawn.

Then, it was time for us to go as He had to work the next morning. In the car ride home, i became upset because the drama was overwhelming for me. Daddy decided that we needed to sit down as a group and determine which direction everything was moving and to remove the drama all together.

After we got home, He fucked me into that toy subspace again. He doesn't usually like to use me when i am on my period... Just too messy between that and the squirting, but i think He could feel how much i needed to be out of my own head that night.