Marble Jar

Once trust is lost, and the marble jar has been shattered, it is so hard to put the pieces together again... it is a painstaking process of slowly picking up broken shards of glass to connect them again to make a jar... along the journey, finger slices and additional slips can make it even harder to piece back together, but if you are stubborn and persistent, I have found that it can be done...

So what happens when you are inches away from placing that last piece in, bandaids on all your fingers, blood dripping down the sides of the jar, and that same asshole comes and pushes the jar off the table again? Do you get back on the floor and start piecing the jar together again? Or do you sweep it into the dustpan to protect your hands and dump the whole shit show into the trash?

I think you all know my thoughts on this... I think next time, I won’t get down on the floor and try to put the jar together... next time, I’ll throw it away the first time it breaks. I’m too old and too tired for this shit!

Feeding Daddy’s Lil Succubus

I always come home from work super horny and full of dirty naughty thoughts... as a cam girl, I interact with and create fantasies for my clients... and some of them have really dirty minds... today, one wanted me to pee myself and then to pee in my mouth and another wanted me to peg him while calling him racial slurs... and those are just 2 of the many in just one day... so after my day is over, of course I want to play... and Daddy always happily obliges.

Daddy asked me to take a shower with him to help him do some manscaping. After trimming his bush and accidentally pinching his balls with the scissors (which still makes me giggle uncontrollably)... I’m  a horrible person... but the face he made... teehee...

Anyways... after that, we got in the shower and I washed him off. Then he backed up to pee in the drain and I went down on my knees and asked that he pee on me. He had me open his mouth and he peed all over and in me... then he had me rinse out my mouth... no flushing this time (when he has me swallow it)... then he had me clean off his cock with my mouth... then he grabbed my hand and handed me the soap... Clean off dirty girl... yes Daddy...

Back in the room after drying off he bent me over the bed and fucked me hard... then, he turned me over onto my back and fucked me more, sucking on my toes, which just makes me more wet... then he spun me and climbed on top of me instead of standing next to the bed and I begged him to fill me up... I needed his cum... I begged for it... I demanded he give it to me now... that as his succubus, he needed to feed me and I needed his cum... and dear god did he fill me up...

Princess’s Day Off

So I had the wonderful joy of having the Princess home with me on Tuesday... her phone alarm didn’t go off and by the time she woke up, she would have been too late to work for her liking. We got Daddy ready to go for work and then got the kids out to school. It was a rare naked day!!

Tuesdays have always been bad for me for camming, so I told the Princess that I was hers for the day... much like I would dedicate my day to a Daddy if he was at home... I made it clear that she would still be in service to me, but that we could do what she wanted... first, we talked... she confronted me on my feelings about this guy she started seeing again... I personally think it isn’t a good idea to bring in drama right now in our very full house, and the last time she dated this guy, everything was so dramatic... and he was lying to his other partner... and I just don’t want to associate with people that start shit when I have enough going on... I asked if she actually loves this guy... and when she said no, then I told her we can talk more about him when that’s the case... she said that she understood and that it made sense... if she falls in love with him, we can talk... then she asked to play her nerd games... so we watched Secretary naked while playing DC Deck Building... one of her little nerd games that I actually enjoy...

She said that she really wished she could bite me without repercussions... I thought on it and then gave her a two hour window of time where she could do whatever she wanted with me without fear of retribution... so she bit me, spanked me, scratched me everywhere (the only thing I didn’t like)... it was actually really tame for the way she always talks... we still had about 30 minutes left and she still hadn’t done anything sexual, which surprised me since that is where most people want to use me most... so I contemplated offering to eat her out... I have been thinking about trying that out again and I figured that it was as risky for me to eat her out as for Daddy to fuck her anally without a condom... but I started playing with her pussy instead.

It was soft and wet... as my fingers moved, she decided she wanted a vibrator on her clit as well. I fingered her to orgasm and I remembered how beautiful she was having that orgasm under the stars with her toes being sucked on long ago... maybe I can make this work... for my Master... maybe she is worth it...

Friday Fuckery

Soooo... when Daddy Master is at work, he loves hearing about me being a slutty little wife. I have a lovely friend who lets me give him BJs and backscratches when our schedules align and I’m feeling frisky. Yesterday, after getting my nails done, I picked him up from where his car was getting work done and he took me to a lovely cafe. We talked about his dad, an adventure he had in Vegas, the loss of a friend, whose mother was 90 and still alive... he asked, could you imagine what it would be like to have to bury your child... and then our eyes locked... and he said... that’s right, you don’t have to imagine... that happened to you...

I blinked... and said, so true... it did... is it bad that I envy her because she doesn’t have that long to live with that... I’m only 35... it’s already been 3 years... and whew... grief sucks!!

Then I smiled, and said, but that’s life... and he smiled back and asked if I was ready for dessert... I was, so we got ready to leave. On the way back to his place, we found out his car was done, so I dropped him off to get his car and met him at his house... texting Daddy a pic of his naughty lil trophy wife, tits out, in the cafe bathroom...

Once in the house, he went to the bathroom to freshen up... I love that he always cleans his cock right before I suck it... like he’s preparing a feast for me... He calls me to his room, and he’s laying on the bed, pants off, dick flaccid... he always apologizes for it, but I love it... I love that my mouth is totally responsible for getting him hard and getting him off. I laid down on his legs, kind of entangling myself... and then I sucked... mmmmm... and he asked me questions... called me naughty... told me I was sucking it so good... and then he came for me... mmmmmmmmmm... and then he let me make him giggle with extra sucking, even though he is super sensitive after he cums...

He hopped off the bed quickly and pulled off his shirt. Then lay face down on the bed for a nice long backscratch as we talked about life and plans for the rest of the weekend. I think he likes the backscratch time more than the BJs sometimes. His brother could possibly be coming by. I actually had a fully kid free night planned with Master Daddy, which never happens anymore... not with 9 people living here... I looked at the clock and the time flew by. I had to leave because I needed to get back to the house to get the kids off the bus... lil naughty housewife!!

Getting the kids off the bus and over to my sister was delayed and stressed by my disrespectful 13 year old niece who recently moved in during the school week primarily while my sister gets on her feet and gets her back surgeries done. I could rant all day about the joys of dealing with a teen, but I really don’t want to fill my sexy fun blog with that headache... lol... but I did get the kids out of the house for my fun night with My PapaBear.

We hung out at home and drank booze, smoked weed, and watched Impractical Jokers on Netflix... a legitimate Netflix and Chill night, lol... with me mostly naked (stupid period... grumble grumble)... Daddy gave me some spankings for being such a dirty girl and sucking my friends cock like a naughty lil whore. As he spanked me, my pussy got so wet... I sucked Daddy’s cock and my mind slipped into the moment. I know that I served him drinks and food as we giggled over our shows and I just continued sucking his cock. I know that we ended up messy fucking in bed by the end of the night, which I don’t normally do... I don’t usually have sex on my period... all that blood... but we did... I was just listening to Daddy... I was lost in my Master... He said that when he was done using me, I passed right out. He usually fucks me until I pass out... but that’s kinda what you gotta do to a succubus sometimes... mmmmmmm...

Ropety Headspace

With a sitter in place for after school, my sister (lol), I carved out about a 5 hour block of time for a date day with Sire. He picked me up after he finished his classes for the day and we headed out to lunch. I needed to eat, but the princess stole my food, so Sire took me Chili’s and the food and waitress were yummy. We chatted about his aptitude for school and my discovery of the importance of words over the last few days. Frustrated by my period, but excited by the discovery, we headed back to his place.

Once there, I went outside and smoked a bowl of my new fave, Mr. Clean. It helps me calm my mind and all of the thoughts that race through. It almost quiets everyone... kind of muffles them... so that I only need to focus on one thought line at a time. I walked into the house and found Sire in the rope room tying and sorting through rope. After undressing to my panties (grumble grumble), I lay on the floor behind him, gently stretching and listening to him sort through the rope, as if they were little people, being addressed... I smiled at the thought of all the little rope people we could potentially unwind just for our amusement and away I slipped into that lovely place where I actually relax and release control...

Sire looked me over and started tying my right arm... I watched as he wove it into an intricate kind of wing, elbow bent and restricting my reach... I wobbled my wing a little and rested my hand on my right breast. Feeling my heart pulse under my hand, we kissed deeply. He started talking about rope and my legs and I agreed... hearing ropety rope rope legs ropety rope futomomo ropety... lol (not really.. I know I was totally focused while we were talking, but kinda because when I think back, it all blurs into ropety rope rope). As he started wrapping both of my legs, the rope sliding along my body started making me giggle... it was tickling me, giving me goosebumps... it felt good to focus on, so I closed my eyes and rested my left hand on my soft tummy, rising and falling with my breath. Suddenly, I was meditating in a comfy rope space... vibing on the energy and the flow...

I opened my eyes and Sire was just finishing up a tie. He noticed me watching and we started to talk about chastity and celibacy and the ebb and flows of needs... he showed me his heart and the thoughts in his mind surrounding my need to heal... and I am so grateful for the amazing lives that I have attracted in my life... then we started talking about the power of words again and he started dirty talking fantasy ass fucking with me. It’s a game we used to play when we were dating back in the day. Then I started asking if he wanted to fuck my face and he said yes... so then I asked if he was going to fuck my face and he said yes as I massaged his dick with my hand... and then he pulled off his shorts and started to fuck my face.

Then he found out about the true depth of my cock sucking enjoyment and power... I can suck on a cock forever... especially a standard issue white boy cock... I can suck on that for days in the right position... just curled up, head resting on a leg or in a lap, cock in my mouth, continually sucking... I have actually fallen asleep still sucking my Master’s cock... with Sire’s ability to have multiple orgasms, the cock sucking went on for quite a while... he ended up tapping out, twice... lol... a dick gets pretty sensitive the more it is played with. He did make it through 3 position changes though, lol, and then rope had to eventually come off when I needed to go potty... and I didn’t even think to get pictures (grumble grumble), but we had some good times for sure.

Words

Oh, the power of words... it’s almost like I forget how powerful these words are as I write them onto the page... or, in my case, into my phone, lol... but they are. They can transport me quickly to a scene... to an experience... to a reminder... to a memory... to a feeling...

In searching for my lost sexuality... literally how it feels at this moment... I have rediscovered my favorite ways to get myself excited and horny... reading through blogs on topics regarding anything D/s immediately gets me hot and bothered... and don’t forget about the amazing authors that are available to read through K&P on Fetlife... google it if you don’t know what it is... it’s worth it... some of those authors whisper in my ear and take me over when I’m reading what they say... and I almost feel that familiar sub space fog entering my mind... taking me over... bringing me peace. When I don’t feel like working on my chores, reading words from a Dominant can legitimately put me in the headspace I enjoy to make better choices and decisions for my life.

But nothing is as wonderful as a one on one sext conversation. I had forgotten the lost art of sexting... I have been camming so much that I forgot how much I enjoy playing with someone who wants the fantasy of me in words ... until a couple of days ago... this random gentleman sent me a message after a friend request that set us off on a fun and playful sext conversation... we had fun teasing each other throughout the day and I talked to my Master about it. He liked the mood it put me in... then the next day, we continued the playful banter... I would eagerly await the next message to see if the carefully crafted words I have sent have hit the spot... and then, his response took me to the next level with an immediate reward for my words back... oh the dance... and my mood was good and I actually felt like I wanted sex... but I am cramping... stupid being a woman thing that happens once a month... but to discover that again... to finally remember what makes my pussy so wet that I want to stuff things into it with abandon is kinda priceless.

The words... they have the power to move me... to shape me... to shift me...

Low

Everything in life seems perfect. Looking at my life, so many of my plans and goals have been fulfilled. I am on a meandering path to those next big things... like a new house... and everything is working out for me... for us...

So why would do I feel so low... I mean, let’s face it... it could be that my new emotional set point is so low because it has only been 3 years since he died... since I was robbed of a huge future that I had been planning... planning on... and all my plans since then have had no life and no flavor to them. I am hurting... always hurting on the layer just beneath the surface. Tears seeping out of my eyes during yoga or while someone talks about the Endocrine System in a consultation...  I’m sure that’s a part of it.

This deep depression is seeping into my bones... I’m drawing inward and becoming a bit of a recluse again. I think my nature is to burrow inward... into my self... into my space... into my home. I need to heal... but do you ever heal from the loss of a child, when you are reminded every day that the future you planned for is gone. It can NEVER happen. It will NEVER be... so what is the point... why dream?