Low

Everything in life seems perfect. Looking at my life, so many of my plans and goals have been fulfilled. I am on a meandering path to those next big things... like a new house... and everything is working out for me... for us...

So why would do I feel so low... I mean, let’s face it... it could be that my new emotional set point is so low because it has only been 3 years since he died... since I was robbed of a huge future that I had been planning... planning on... and all my plans since then have had no life and no flavor to them. I am hurting... always hurting on the layer just beneath the surface. Tears seeping out of my eyes during yoga or while someone talks about the Endocrine System in a consultation...  I’m sure that’s a part of it.

This deep depression is seeping into my bones... I’m drawing inward and becoming a bit of a recluse again. I think my nature is to burrow inward... into my self... into my space... into my home. I need to heal... but do you ever heal from the loss of a child, when you are reminded every day that the future you planned for is gone. It can NEVER happen. It will NEVER be... so what is the point... why dream?