My Dragon Slumbers

The peace within my life right now is unfathomable... I mean... I was once at a high level of peace, prior to my son dying, but I never thought I would get there or anywhere near there again... I had come to peace with my past, with my life, with my son’s condition... and then he died and I slipped into a depressing black hole and attracted a lot of distraction, mess, and devastation into my life... Even the pretty shiny things were really just maggot filled apples in disguise... with a spell of grief and hope blocking my true sight...

As I have now cleared the last of those mirages from my sight, my vision and mind are clearing. I am no longer on the protective defensive... I am now on the leading edge of my life... I am no longer torturing myself for love... I am now deeply focused on the joy within my relationships... I am no longer entertaining others who don’t align with my virtues of honesty, loyalty, and trust... I am now understanding that love is not enough for me when those truths aren’t present in someone... I am no longer unconditionally accepting anyone into my arms... I am now worth the level of judgement needed to discern the people I want in my life... let God or whatever you believe in hold onto unconditional love... my connective love comes with conditions... and I have learned that that’s okay and I’m worth it.

I did not understand the burden I was carrying with me until she decided to go back to sleep... my dragon slumbers... only to awaken when my protection is needed again... thank you Daphne... thank you for always being there to protect me and keep me safe... thank you for standing firm in your ideas of how we need to be treated before I spread my legs... thank you for looking down your nose at me when I fell crying... and then for offering your hand to pick me back up with your smug and sarcastic “I told you so” grin... and thank you for leaving when you are no longer needed so that the undeserving are not eviscerated by your scornful and hateful gaze. I will and will not miss you...