Skewering

Sick and tired... I woke up this morning sick... yesterday was a pretty emotional day... well... Friday and Saturday... and now I’m feeling drained and tired... hearts and bodies are interesting things, you know...

I was having a hard day... emotions all over the place... trying to stay singular at my nephew’s first birthday party, when I really wanted to be plural... taking way too many breaks to stay in character... you know... that’s what it feels like when I have to suppress my alters... like I’m an actress staying in character... I thought I was doing a great job until the end of the party when my mom asked if something was up... I said I would talk to her about it later. She knows I’m poly, but wasn’t aware that one of my relationships ended via text during the party...

On the ride home, I was sad and sullen... 2 hours of riding like that, with my amazing hubby telling me he loves me... telling me that I’m enough and not too much at the same time... telling me that I am perfect for him and that anyone who walks away doesn’t deserve me... reminding me that there are other fish in the sea... telling me that I can never have too many platonic friends... and me trying to smile... trying to show him that I’m alright... that i can be better...

When we got home, we watched some shows and then he fucked me so hard, I cried. He asked if it felt like he was skewering me... I cried a yes... tears ran down my face as he fucked me so hard and I couldn’t slip away... my head was too full of emotional energy and I couldn’t escape the pain into subspace like I normally do when he fucks me too hard... he tried to help in ways we have discovered  and I smacked his hands away and felt the internal stabbing deeply... to have your heart and your pussy skewered is one way to live a day... so I leaned in and let him hurt me. He came so hard when my hips took over and tried to hold him off... his face looked distraught as I continued to cry big sobbing tears... he doesn’t like to see me cry...

We whispered I love yous and I cuddled/cried into my teddy bear until I fell asleep.