The Last Box

Break-ups suck... let’s face it... especially when things end badly... which in our case with the Princess, it did... and after it ends badly with over two years of living together, it can sometimes take a while to locate all of the left over items... after thoroughly scouring, cleaning, and organizing my whole house, I finally collected the last few items...

There were just four... a blanket, a mask, a crystal, and some jumper cables... how interesting... so I collected these remaining items and stuck them in a box and wrote her name on it. I was really looking forward to off loading the final items and reminders of her existence... you see, it hurts to think about her... to think about her infiltrating our lives and my home with a lie... to know that I loved her enough to care about her health and well being only to see a pic on social media the other day showing that she never really cared about that either... it literally made me cry after my yoga this last Sunday... seeing her go back on all the work she did to honor a promise to her brother about her heart health... if that was even true... to remember how well she took care of my bratty little Goddess self... to remember the smile that she put on my Daddy’s face because his love for her was real... his little gypsy princess and social butterfly...

When I showed up to a safe space to give her the items, she startled me by being close to my car as I got out and a giggle burst out... in my head, I heard my ex say... “See! I told you so.” I had argued with him that her health had become too important to her for her to just let it go and that I hoped she stayed on track even though she left us. Shit! I had even offered her continuous accountability, regardless of what she had done to us... to him... she asked what and I said nothing and bye... deadpan look in the eyes and solidly present to that very moment... she took the things and wished me a good workout... I couldn’t help myself when I replied back that I hoped she had a good workout too, soon... totally a bitchy thing to say... but I was disappointed... and I’m okay with being a little bitchy now and then versus losing myself to an abundance of bitchiness later.

Thankfully, I turned and walked into my happy place and worked that shit out. I no longer have the reminders and have blocked a few people on a few things so that I don’t drive myself crazy with cyber stalking them... all I need to do now is stay in the present moment and this will become a closed chapter in a closed book regarding the different things that helped us overcome the loss of our son. As always, I am in gratitude for the lessons that life has thrown my way. I have learned to trust my heart and to be the strong and firm woman that I am... never back down... never surrender... love everyone, but only give my heart to the ones willing to meet my expectations.