Punishments and pain tolerance

Ahhhhhh! i am just getting so pissed off at myself! Finally! Finally, He steps it up... He takes it to where i have wanted it to be for years and what do i do... i constantly screw up... i leave drawers open... i give attitude... i feel frustrated with myself and how much i suck at being a slave... i have everything down and handled in the bedroom department, but completely suck at the rest of it...disappointing Him, this man, is killing me... it breaks my heart that i continually fail... When i feel like a failure, it is really hard to snap out of it because of those damn perfectionist tendencies that i have... sigh...

So, the bedroom drawer was finally closed and i left the bathroom one open! He gave me a hard hand spanking right away, so i figured that i got off easy on that infraction. Turns out, i was wrong... i still received the belt spanking that was promised in the event when i break a rule or behavior requirement. This time, He told me that i better shut my mouth during my punishment because the windows in our room were open and He didn't want the neighbors to hear... so i wriggled quietly on the bed... zipping my mouth shut... breathing in agony... then, He shocked the areas where the belt hit with that stupid electric wand, raped my mouth and my ass, and made me promise i wouldn't forget again...

Then, this morning, i got all the way to my son's room to get him ready for school before i realized i had left the drawer open again! i ran back to the room and shut it and He was so pleased that i remembered to come back and check it. He teased me about it a bit, but i could tell it was in good fun.

As i lay in bed resting, stayed home sick today due to a really bad head cold and a son who caught a virus, we chatted about what He wants... i found out that He wants me to be a pain slut... He wants me to be able to take more than 1 belt spanking... He wants to slap me without holding back (which i didn't even know He was doing)... He wants to see my ass change colors...

This gives me a goal to shoot for... now all of my reading and online research will target improving pain tolerance so i can help Him teach me... i love helping Him... even if i am helping Him hurt me...sigh...

On a side note, the search for a threesome has officially commenced... more to follow...