Last night through today have been the toughest I have ever experienced in my life. That must mean that it is time to turn around and count all of the blessings that I experienced due to these latest trials.
1. I gained a Master. My true master and not him trying to master me... Him truly owning everything about me, which is what I have wanted for 6 years.
2. I gained the reminder that love hurts, so I need to guard my heart and avoid truly loving anyone with everything in me that I have to give. I had forgotten this valuable lesson from my youthful days as a slut, lol.
3. I gained additional time back to focus just on my family. While I am poly, right now is just not the right time. The personal struggle I am going through with helping my son is too hard for me to handle, let alone for anyone else to handle. I probably shouldn't just expect that others can handle everything that comes with me... I have a ton of baggage to say the least, lol.
4. I am worth too much to my Master and myself to allow myself to feel sad, depressed, anxious, or upset due to another individuals actions. I am only a puppet to my Master, so no one else can pull a string to make me dance or sing or laugh or cry. I am an amazing ball of sunshine because I don't let the world's darkness smother my light. I will shine bright and smile everyday because I have the love of an amazing man and 3 amazing boys (my sons).
5. Most of all, I love myself, which is really all that matters. I love that I am a little crazy and eccentric. I love that I am overly sexual in a teasing kind of way. I love that I can follow my Papa Bear with a direct passion. I love that I am poly and can love people easily, even if it ends up breaking my heart every time. I love that I still love every single person I have ever said "I love you" to. I am amazing.
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