Where did this brat come from?!

A friend of a friend surprised the shit out of me with a Facebook Messenger message... we had met a handful of times, so when she sent me the text asking if I would really give her spankins if she flakes on me... my sadist senses got all excited...  she said she didn’t believe that I would actually ever spank her... and when I told her that I definitely do spank people who consent with enthusiasm, she said I didn’t have the balls... oh poor lil brat... just coming up to me all brave and full of vinegar... so amusing. I told her to show and I would bring some of my paddles for her to see.

The next day, she showed up and talked with me for hours. We spent time getting to know each other. Swapping stories of life... then, I found an opening to show her the wooden and metal paddles that I have... just 2 of them, not all of them... she looked at them and touched them... said fuck no to the metal one, but seemed totally interested in the wooden one with my name on it. I didn’t feel comfortable using my toys on her in that space... this vanilla brat who had played a little with spankings when it came to her ex boyfriend...

When I got home, she had sent texts asking why she hadn’t been spanked, begging for a paddling, yelling at me to beat her ass. This was the enthusiastic consent I was looking for. I invited her to my home, after the kiddos went to bed, to teach her a lesson. You see, when we talked the day before, she told me about how she felt like a loser. That she was a loser. That she amounted to nothing and was worthless... so I beat her for being a loser. I spanked her until she cried out that she wanted to be better... that was her safeword... that or red... lol... I spanked and spanked and spanked her with that paddle for calling my new friend (herself) a loser. I made her call out for better... and then snuggled the shit out of her after...

She looked up at me after I parted her hair to show me her eyes and said she knew I was the one she needed. I was the one that could help... because I hurt her and did not give up on her when she cried or asked for it to stop. Because I made her proclaim her want for better to end the pain... but mostly because I sat with her after and made sure she felt safe and strong and free and loved before I sent her on her way... and the bruises... well those painful reminders for her were beautiful pieces of art for me.

Craving Cum

Friday was a lot of fun! You see, I was craving cum and that’s just something my Daddy can’t provide for me... He fucks me way too much for cum to explode out when I’m orally pleasing him. So I have this friend... he cums perfectly. It always tastes good, there is always a good amount, and he always cums within 15-20 minutes tops... We connect a couple of times a week, when we can make it work.

This last Friday, we had a plan. When I got done with camming, I was going to head to his house so we could have fun. I texted him on my way over and he asked if I could come in the back gate since his brother ended up crashing at his place.... of course I said yes... it makes me feel extra naughty when I have to sneak in to get what I want... then he texted for me to stop and get gas cuz the landscapers were just packing up... so I did. While I was getting gas, he sends me another text that his brother woke up and we should probably go to lunch first... “OMG!! When am I getting my cum?!” is how I feel, but I asked him where and we met at this cute little Mexican restaurant.

We finished a lovely lunch and chatted while waiting for his brother to leave his house. We got into his car to head back over to his house and drove around the neighborhood waiting for his brother to leave... I asked about giving him road head or if he could pull over so I could blow him in the car, but the thought made him uncomfortable, lol... after 3 passes, I told him to take me back to my car... his brother took too long and I had a limited amount of time because I needed to get back home to the kiddos. When I got home, I texted him about how his brother is a cock blocker and that I still wanted the cum he promised me...

He texted me that his brother had gone home and I could come over now, but I was getting ready for a date night with Daddy. I told him about the Happy Hour thing with my hubby and all his work buddies and that I would love to stop by his house on the way. I commented that it would be even better if he could get me or send a car since I had already tried to suck his dick earlier... He was so awesome he sent a car for me and said he would send me to the Happy Hour so I could drink and have fun instead of having to stay sober to drive. I felt like a sexy lil whore when the car picked me up... I got more and more turned on as I got closer to his house... he and I have been seeing each other since April of last year and this was the most aroused I had been in all that time... I was being hand delivered to a cock full of cum that was waiting for me... When I got there, he opened the door and complimented my dress and shoes. He gave me a big hug and we walked to his room. He took off his pants and laid on the bed for me and I kinda pounced on him and sucked until he burst... filling my mouth... I showed him the load and then swallowed it... Then I gave him about 20 min of backscratching as we talked about life and future things... afterwards, I brushed my teeth and he called me an Uber to the Happy Hour. My hubby was pleasantly surprised when I told him about the Uber and being able to drink and bought me a few vodka crans...
This one cute guy was there and we exchanged numbers ☺️
It was fun and hot and sexy... when we got home, my hubby used me and called me a naughty lil whore. Made me so wet, I squirted everywhere 😁

Writer’s Block?

My writing mind seems broken lately... nothing I want to write seems as enticing as it once did as I try to put it to paper. For example, my handsome Daddy PapaBear fucked my ass 4 time in the last 3 days... I finally worked up to an ass fucking at night before bed and another to wake up to after a lil ATM action... this time, he grabbed my hair and dragged down to suck on his cock while I was sleeping (I woke up real quick, lol)  before he flipped me onto my tummy and fucked my fat ass into the bed. It was sore and tender from being used the night before... and during that fucking it was still tender from the fucking the night before that... being on my period equals unlimited ass access... and with no other chick to throw at him, I’m being reminded of the fuck toy lil whore that I am, which I love ☺️ 

I am finding that I enjoy the struggle and him pinning me down during anal. I would trust him with my life. At this point in our relationship, I feel steady, safe, and secure. I feel valued and that what I want matters again... I feel appreciated and needed and kept... I love these feelings... they make me want to push past the silly discomforts to meet his needs. 

And it’s happening again... I am running out of words and interest in the writing... I’m much more interested in the living... meh... maybe it’ll come back... maybe it won’t... maybe I lost the knack with the last personality shuffle... merp! 

Until...

There is such a thrill in being chased... in being sought after and requested... in someone believing that a connection with me is exactly what they need to fill a hole... I am not really available right now to build new things and I make that very clear with those that chat with me... too much recent loss... I need to heal and spend time on the things I already have in motion... like...

My hubby who is endlessly by my side, loving me, cuddling me, being mine...

My boys who need a focused and loving mom...

My clients who need their cheerleader to push them past the bullshit excuses they have been giving themselves when it comes to their goals...

Making that money!!

Once that healing is over, look out world... but I must face the facts that I am bottling grief and trying to keep everything going in this weird fog... I want to be complete so that I attract others into my sphere that want to be complete too... I am doing the daily work of being the best version of me... but the air is heavy here right now and I don’t want to drag anyone else down with me... I am still clawing my way up to my highest disk... from the depths of a well-worn soul...

I know that the ones that truly want me will wait for me... until...

The void

My body craves him, to fill my empty soul... I currently cannot get enough sex from my Master... I seem insatiable at this point... I am grasping at his arms wrapped around me and his lips on mine... I want grasps and kisses and groping and licking... I want his cock in me repeatedly... I am missing him now as he works... dreaming of his hands on my body and his mouth on my neck...

He’s been anally raping me every night and my ass doesn’t hurt the next day... I fight against it and wriggle, but I don’t safe word and he cums so nicely as I struggle... begging him to use my dirty lil hole... it’s so us... I feel like I am getting closer to who I was... the void that I was before all of this... all of this emotion flooded in... I am strongest in life when I tell emotions to fuck off and focus on remaining an empty, needy lil void...

I’m craving the feel of his hand around my throat and his body smashing me into the bed. Last night, as he was fucking my ass, I just started to fight his advances harder than before... just try to escape with my whole body... and I couldn’t... he is now stronger than me in stamina as well... I can’t just wear him down... shit, with this extra fluff, I wear down a lil easier... and that anal raping reminded me of what a butt slut and anal whore I am for him... I belong to him... he owns me...

On a side note, I’m doing great in my cam life as my pussy seems to be insatiable... I can’t fuck and cum enough... which is so amazing! I was struggling with that within my body for a while... it seems to be the perfect combination of connection with separation for me to get my needs met without taking extra time away from my family or without feeling let down by those who spout words of affection... if you are interested in my cam shows, let me know and I’ll get you my link and info 😁

My Dad Died

Oh goodness... I feel like empty... weirdly empty... my dad died... he had cancer... I was expecting it... but then I wasn’t... it’s kind of like my head put him back in jail again when he slid the last time... and now he’s gone... but at least he isn’t in pain... and at least he can’t get into any more trouble... love and light and joy according to my belief system... I just can’t believe he’s really dead...

Amazingly Perfect with a Touch of Anxiety

My life feels amazingly perfect right now. My Daddy takes such good care of me and used me so good when he worked from home the other day! He used my little pussy twice and when I was getting fucked the second time, we were watching Game of Thrones while the kids were out with my sister-in-law. Binge watching shows with the love of my life while fooling around is what we did before kids, so I have been in heaven!

I’ve really been enjoying playing with random men online and this cam job is dope as fuck... feeds my need for slutty exhibitionism while keeping me protected and safe.... allows me to have the feel of poly with certain clients based on our role plays without the commitment or work or stress... just the good parts, like the extra attention and connection... and it adds money to our home...  it’s really quite perfect.

I’ve been enjoying my work on helping others get healthy... especially us kinky motherfuckers... it’s just nice to be real and to cuss and to not feel judged by the weird shit going on in our lives... you know? And it feels good for me to help others with something that helped my husband and I create the bodies and lives we had been looking for... I am also getting to grow a community at this smoothie shop in an area that we are looking at moving to in the near future! I can’t wait to see how this grows this time!

My pussy, my heart, my soul, and my mind are all clear as crystal and I have never felt better in my life!

With all that being said, April is coming and I can feel the build of the anxiety that comes with this time of year for me... my son has not had a seizure for 3.5 years now (since he passed), but my body is still getting ready for that scary time... I’m literally having to remind myself that we are safe, he is gone, everyone is healthy, everything is okay, everything is okay, everything is okay... everything is actually quite perfect... I can breathe... it’s okay... Seizure Season isn’t a real thing for my home anymore... I am excited for when my brain and body realize this as well and stop creating that anxiety that isn’t necessary any more...