December

I wrote this in December and never hit post...

This time of year just sucks! I have been sick more often than not and having this stupid Christmas tree constantly reminds me that he is gone... not that I could ever really forget that he is gone... but is just a smack in the face reminder... Most days, I can just put everything I have lost to the side and keep moving forward... some days... quite a few recently... I just can’t...

My mother’s heart cries out in grievance every morning upon waking to the silence that exists within a house without him...My slave heart cries out for the loss of a Master that decided to be a Daddy... My poly heart cries out for pieces that are missing... My entrepreneurial heart just doesn’t have the strength to stomach the disappointment that one must endure to make it to the top anymore... when life is so full of disappointment, why add to the pile... How do i find happiness with all this fucking crying?!

Not sure how much more I can take of this internal struggle or what to even do... my new job is helping a lil with filling the voids...

This is all me and all in my head and I just want an escape... will I find it?