Dreams do come true...

i don't know what is going on, but everything feels so perfect right now, in this moment. i just got done with a great sex session with Master... what made us so horny in the middle of the day? Master and i sat down and made a list of rules and behaviors! This may seem like a small thing, but for us, we have always just winged it...

Master is pushing my limits and has stated that He is officially going to start training me... TRAINING!.. i never thought in my wildest dreams that i would get what i want... i usually never do, but man... this is one area where the effect will echo through my everything...

Once everything is done, i will create a few pages on here with the lists so i can be reminded and stay on track. We still need to discuss punishments and when everything will be administered... i know that i am mostly going to be in charge of counting demerits...

Oh my... Just amazing...amazing...

Psychology

So, i tend to love the psychology behind this lifestyle and the innate nature that i sometimes find myself trying to battle. A site that has really been helping me understand and accept who i am and what i like is http://bestslavetraining.com... the knowledge i am gaining is so helpful to me because sometimes i fight with myself about this lifestyle.

Sometimes, it is really easy to follow direction and my Master and sometimes i feel like i am strange for liking the pain and liking the control. As an individual with free will, it seems silly to give that free will up willingly when so many others have that freedom stripped away... but for me, releasing that free will makes me fly... Master has lately been experimenting and training and focusing so much attention on me that i feel like i am constantly flying... i am a little worried about what will happen when He goes back to work and doesn't have that time for me... sigh... It will be strange having Him work... He has been home for 6 years now... Oh life and its silly changes...

New favorite song is Secrets by Mary Lambert... love it!

Shocking!

The play has continued... almost effortlessly, it seems like we have found our stride... or at least Master has found His stride and i have learned to step in line. This last month, Master has bought a lot of different toys that we have never played with before.

One of these new toys is amazing and terrifying at the same time... the electric wand. Apparently, in its other life, it helps women remove wrinkles and sun spots... in its current life, it shocks the crap out of me. It is a torture device, but is also an orgasm machine. Being shocked on the ear or nose is jolting and I hate it. The involuntary reaction my body has to the influence of the machine drives me crazy and scares me at the same time. This is one device that helps me get to sub space quickly because of the level of fear and trust that are needed to use it.

On a mute pleasant note, Master found out that this one spot on my hand tickles my nipples and my right index finger immediately causes an orgasm out of nowhere... such a fun and interesting toy/weapon...

A Conundrum Divided...

Sigh... ttwd... that thing we do... i love how this little phrase can mean so many different things to so many people... my Master is now fully taking control. It feels like everything i ever wanted and nothing i want to experience at the same time. What a weird feeling... to be torn in half by varying sides within oneself...

This conundrum and split mentality is slowly driving me insane.

i want to please Him and go to the strip club, but i don't want to go because it is against my personal internal belief system to look at individuals other than my spouse in a sexual manner...

i want to please Him by telling Him that i want to go, but i don't want to lie to make that happen because honesty and trust are so important in a marriage and this particular lifestyle...

The big focus now is discovering how to ask and answer questions to provide the verbiage He is looking for while maintaining my honesty...

The open drawer

This one is going to be long, lol.

Sometimes, especially this last week, i feel like i need to pinch myself to make sure that i am awake. my dreams are manifesting and i am not sure what caused the switch to flip, but i am glad it has...

It started with the open drawer...

You see, i have this problem with closing drawers and it drives my Master crazy. Yesterday, i came home from work and Master immediately whispered "Spankins!" Now, this occurrence is pretty common... He usually play threatens me all the time, so i just responded "why?" And He gets this look... hard to describe unless you have seen it, but it is a look i have learned to take seriously, and says "The FUCKING drawer!!"

At this point, i know i am in trouble... but i still wasn't too worried because i can usually get out of it with a nice blow job or just pure avoidance... not last night...

So, after the rest of the evening, which is about 3 hours later, we get the kids to bed and get ready for the night. The nighttime routine includes medications and gathering bottles of water with some pretty vanilla sex. Last night, we medicated and I brought in the waters, but the rest of the night was anything but vanilla.

Some more of the toys came in... this time a bag of red items. The first one to be used was the red gag that reminded me of a wiffle ball with tiny holes. Once the gag was tightly fitted, the red blindfold was set in place. i can see improvements that are already needed to make it work effectively as a blindfold, but back on track.

Blindfolded and gagged, Master broke out with the handcuffs and all i could think about was the hook, but it wasn't used... He cuffed me with my hands behind me and then started flogging every piece of me. He got my nipples, my stomach, my back, my ass, my thighs, my pussy... every part except for my face, with that red flogger.

Then, He undid the cuffs and locked them in front and pushed me to the floor. He raped my mouth and my throat, leaning into me. That is when i slipped into space again and everything gets fuzzy... i know He got me back on the bed and flogged me some more. He also had me dangle my head over the bed so He could screw my mouth as He flogged my pussy...

I know we had sex, but can't remember the position or even what hole He shoved His dick into... i was so far gone at that point. Once i was spent, and He came, He cuddled me and removed the gag, cuffs, and blindfold somewhere along the way.

He then made me watch a BDSM porn and He used my ass harder than He ever has before. On a side note, i am not a porn watcher... it is against my religion to watch porn, but i didn't complain... i was too far into my submission... too far down His path... which scares me and excites me at the same time... for the first time since we started TTWD, i was fully lost in my fantasy... created by Him.

Surprises

Sometimes, He surprise me. His dominance, which seems hidden at times can come out of no where and floor me... then it takes time to recuperate. It also makes me feel so needy in the meantime!

In our 24/7 dynamic, we usually don't get to play a whole lot. We have kids and one of them has special needs that consumes a lot of time and energy, usually leaving Him exhausted at the end of the day. Since He stays at home, He gets to do all of the things with the kids and that is a lot of work...

So, last night, He surprised me again! i thought we would probably just turn in, because it was a long weekend and our special guy needed extra special attention. We also had visitors all weekend, so both of us were just exhausted. When it came time for bed, He decided that we should play, even though it was late and i had to get up super early for work. The play consisted of blow jobs... lots of blow jobs...

Master doesn't come during a blow job... no matter what i do, i can't seem to make that happen. Last night was no different in that respect. What was different was that when we were getting started, He said that we were going to test my limits. He meant that He was going to see how long i could keep it in my throat and how deep He could shove it in before i lost my dinner...

It was a game we hadn't played before and it still has me enthralled today. i just can't get it out of my head... can't get Him out of my head...

As He was pushing it further and further and i was swallowing my own vomit repeatedly (which is humiliating... ew), i fell into subspace... then, i was flying and He could have done anything to me and it felt like i finally was at peace... who knew a BJ could do that to a girl... sigh... now i just want to play again... so needy... such a whore... but at least His whore...

The presents were for me!!!

Oh my gosh! i can't help but be happy when i write this! So, usually, i don't really write about the sexual stuff or bdsm stuff that we do, but i just have to share!

Last night, Master told me that a couple of the toys He ordered came in and we needed to go get them. So He went to the mailbox and brought back some mail as i waited outside by the door. In one of the packages was the anal hook and the other housed the wrist and ankle cuffs...  See where i am going with this ;-)

He quickly handcuffed my wrists and had me hold them behind my head. He then made me bend over and take the anal hook. After the hook was in, He had me stand up and hold it in place as He chained the cuffs to the eyelet at the top of the hook. He then started slapping my ass... hard... and every flinch made my ass grip the hook buried inside which caused feelings of pain and pleasure. It was exquisite...

After He spanked me, He removed the hook and made me wash it while i was cuffed... so hot... then, when i got back to the room, He had me push His cock deep in my ass... and i took it... and i wiggled, but He always brought me back... back to my submission... my pleasing ways... those things He loves about me... His little fox...