Caning and Sweet Nothings

Yesterday was an amazing day! i love when i can wake Papa Bear up properly! i was able to get almost all of the laundry done, which is a feat when you have 3 growing and crazy boys in the house and none of them are past wetting the bed at night...

Papa Bear made me a new collar out of paracord that is a bit too tight, but i actually like that it leaves a mark around my neck. His next attempt will be thicker and will include a metal ring, lol...

We were able to go hang out with Master's puppy and her Owner. We had dinner, fun conversation, and a great time overall. i brought over our electric wand and she was able to give that a try. Clothing actually makes it arc more, so it was funny to  watch as her Owner used it on her. It is really hard to stay still when you hear it coming to shock you.

Papa Bear requested that she hit me with a bamboo stick to help my pain tolerance and she got in a couple of smacks before she had to stop because she felt bad... Awe!... She gave it to Papa Bear and told Him that He could have it... to take home!! Gosh darn it!! So then Papa Bear took over and i am so happy i wore jeans instead of a dress. The jeans didn't help when He hit me on the back and that left a little mark on my shoulder... Nothing too bad, but i am a big pansy, lol...

After we got home and got the last kid to bed, Papa Bear caned me with the bamboo stick, bare assed... He started me in a standing position, but then moved me to a crawling position before resting in an ass in the air/ head down position. He caned my ass and my back... Thank goodness my breasts are off limits right now or those probably would have been hit as well...

Papa Bear then mounted the stick above the door that leads to our bathroom. He usually uses that as a play area because He likes to have me hold the door frame and stay still while He plays with me. Last night, He had me on the bed, ass up and caned and spanked me until my cheeks were a lovely shade of pink.

Afterwards, while His cock was buried deep in my ass, He called me a dirty bitch... It took me by surprise... Master's puppy was just telling me that her owner called her a bitch and how she thought it was hot... i am not sure how i felt about it... Then, He called me a cum dumpster... ew! i then had to call myself those names and beg for Him to fill up His cum dumpster...

As He exploded, i started to cry... It was a gentle cry, like a release... Like something has been needing to give and it finally did... i think that by calling me those things, He changed something in me... Not something big, but something small... i am not sure what, but i feel a little different today... A little more owned... A little more like a belonging instead of like a separate person He does things to...

i know this is a long post and i thank you, my dear sweet reader for reading to the end.

Sexy time

We finally got to have sex last night... He tried to be gentle and avoided bumping by breast, which was great. Otherwise, He was just as rough as He normally is... Poor guy... When He first met me, He was a gentle and tender lover... After 12 years of being together, He now likes to drag me around and screw me hard.

Last night, He didn't really initiate anything because He is being careful with me... Then i started using Sir as i massaged His cock in my hands... Sir, what would You like to do with Your slave?.. Sir, do You want Your belonging to suck Your wonderful cock? Sir, i am such a dirty little whore... i kept this up and basically dehumanized myself into a toy or belonging until He grabbed a fistful of my hair and dragged my mouth to His yummy cock... He spanked my ass hard every time i came up for air, lol...

We did reverse cowgirl vaginally until He came the first time, then i stood up and shoved His cock in my ass... He was so hard... i rode Him in that position until He came again... He told me to get off of Him, but i was a bad listener and just leaned back a little... He grabbed the back of my throat and my right thigh and just used me as hard as He could until He went again... It was so hot!!

i wonder if i will get in trouble for not listening... If i do, then the punishment is totally worth it... i would rather get a spanking for not listening when the result is that He was able to explode 3 times in that night... i love pleasing my Papa Bear.

Worry...

So, on Wednesday, i had a biopsy done of that stupid spot that was found on the mammogram and i have to wait until Monday or Tuesday for the results because of the holiday... i am a little worried, but putting on my brave face for now... i have been telling myself, "could be benign and there is no need to worry before the results come... i shouldn't worry needlessly..." and things along those lines, but it is still scary... Still worrisome... sigh...

On a positive note, via text, the spark with the new girl is smoldering... Can't wait to see that spark turn into a flame... We are now doing a three way text and it is so flipping hot to see Papa Bear and her talk about sex and fun things to try.  Our dynamic seems to still be working well while starting the dating process, which makes me really happy. i am trying to make sure i am balancing my time with Papa Bear and her so that i am paying attention to both of them. The three way texting is definitely helping me with this because i feel like we all have equal opportunity to meet and chat...

As a woman, i have so many insecurities about the way i look and behave... In a way, it is another area i am worried about, but it is an excited and nervous worry, versus the doom and gloom worry waiting of on stupid biopsy results...

Current worries regarding next step in the threesome process:

• i look a lot better with my clothes on because i carry my weight well... What if she runs screaming when she sees my body? What if i am not really what she is looking for? What if i am too insecure? too fat? too flabby?
• i am a big pansy... What if i can't handle her level of play? Should i even be concerned about that? i am sure Papa Bear would handle us differently based on our individual levels...
• i am nervous... What if she doesn't like it? What if i don't like it? What if Papa Bear doesn't like it? That last one is highly doubtful, but you never know. He has only seen me make out with strippers at the club, not with someone i can see myself becoming invested in... What if i get too nervous? i can sometimes have an anxious personality and it can get me really ramped up and ready to go or can make me over think things...
• i am kind of neurotic... What if she finds that annoying or just too crazy, lol?

As you can tell, the what ifs are endless... That being said, i am still excited and eager to please... Both my Papa Bear and her...

Three's company :-)

So, we have found someone to play with. i am excited and giddy and kind of feel like a school girl at the moment. She is so nice and wonderful and thinks i am attractive and amazing and adorable...

i am nervous, but excited... We texted each other a lot last night, chatting about fun stuff and figuring each other out. She said that Papa Bear and i have a special relationship... i have always thought so. i am so lucky that we fit so well together with our kinks and our quirks...

On a side note, i received several compliments today and i think it was because i focused on making deliberate movements and keeping great posture, lol...

Body Language

Last night, i took a class on body language and the importance of being graceful and elegant in this lifestyle. i am really enjoying these classes and the amazing members of APEX. i have learned that i really need to focus on the following:

• Arm placement
• Body awareness
• Awareness of others
• Facial expressions
• Posture

i will be purchasing a full length mirror to help focus on these items as well as see how i look when i walk and focus more on deliberate movements. Such a great class.

Before the class, i met with an amazing individual that could be really fun to connect with. In the very least, i believe i have made a great friend...

Our M/s dynamic

i really loved the knowledge that i received at APEX tonight with a 24/7 presentation. Watching another Master and slave interact with each other and talking with them about how they live the lifestyle was so nice and refreshing. It made me feel more normal and it helped me see some areas that i really need to improve on.
My biggest takeaway was changing my thought processes to include that everything i do, i do because Papa Bear is in control and that is what He would want me to do. This means that i am a slave at all times, regardless of where i am at and what i am doing. This is usually a concept i struggle with because there is a big chunk of the day where i am away from Papa Bear.

i basically learned the following:

• Kids don't care and won't really ask because they don't really want to know
• Kids won't necessarily follow down the kinky path
• There is nothing wrong with teaching the importance of service in your home
• We are definitely similar to other M/s couples
• Leading and Supporting Relationship is a key term when explaining what we do to the more vanilla crowd
• Others looking in will generally think i am just an amazing wife that is taking care of her husband, not some kinky little slave in a collar

Once we got home, i made our home ready for the night, did the dishes, got stuff ready for the next day, set out Papa Bear's waters and medications. We snuggled and commented on a new friend's post on Fetlife and talked about the event and how we both felt about TTWD. We are both really happy with our dynamic and the progress we are making. He then kept me up all night with throat raping and anal sex. He said that He just couldn't keep His hands off His dirty little whore slave...

Today, i am functioning on about 4.5 hours of sleep, but i feel amazing. i feel owned and cared for... i feel sexy and beautiful... i feel ready to take on anything the world throws at me because my Papa Bear is always going to take care of me. 😌

Poly?

So, last night, we played pretty hard. i am getting better at taking stingy pain, which is the one He prefers to dole out. My breasts had red slashes all over them because of the thin vinyl flogger pieces.
It was so hot! He gagged me, which is my new favorite thing.

We talked a lot about polyamory and trying to find a third wheel for our marriage. Such an interesting topic. i guess there is even a TV show about it on showtime... It has been coming up a lot, so i am starting to try to figure it all out for me...