Gratitude #6

So today was a very good day! Master was able to give me some extra chores last night to do today and i was able to complete them with a little smile on my face. i also did one of those fast little 10 minute workout videos (Victoria secret model workout) Welch is my way of getting back on track. Small and slow and steady has always worked for me when it comes to starting a workout regimen. Sometimes, i wish Master would control that, but He refuses because He tried doing that before and i failed...

i am so very happy for bedtime because it helps make sure i get enough sleep to feel well rested for the day's activities.

Gratitude #5

i am very excited today because we have finally been able to settle down and get things back to normal. Master is healthy and no longer consumed by other areas and i am healthy and back to being my normal motivated self (well...almost... need to get back on track with diet and exercise). Also, last night, i asked for something i never have before. i actually asked for spankings and requested that He spank me until i used my safe word. Then, i took as many as He would give me. At first, we started with hand to bare butt... i have a very low pain tolerance but my mind has not been in the right place lately and i really felt like a spanking session would help me snap back.

Master doesn't usually like to give me spankings that much because i usually start crying or begging or try to dance around to avoid it. i am really proud of how i handled last night and He told me that i was such a good girl. i counted them off while bent across Him looking up into His eyes. They were slow and thuddy, then fast and sharp, then light and stingy... After a bit He used a thick plastic ruler and i cried, but not too much. i didn't move from my spot, but wriggled around a little (He likes it when i squirm). i didn't use my safe word, but almost did... i really needed the release of those tears. i really needed that pain. He says we might need to do maintenance spankings for a little while to see if that helps me stay in the right frame of mind.

i am so thankful that Master allows me to make requests or suggestions because it makes me feel like my input is still valued even when He makes a decision and it is not be my request or suggestion.

Gratitude #4

So, today i spoke with Master about how neglected i was feeling and how i felt like i didn't know what He wanted anymore and He surprised me, which happens sometimes. He told me that He could tell (shocker... lol, He has always known me better than i know myself) and that He would answer some questions for me (actual surprise because He never answers my crazy insecure questions).

i asked Him what He wants to get out of ttwd and He said that one was easy... He wants to get whatever He wants out of it because He is the one in charge... lol... this could mean inflicting light pain on me (He is about as far from sadistic as one can get ;-)) or it could mean getting to put His feet up for the day. He wants to get what He wants...

my next question was what makes up the perfect slave. His answer was that a perfect slave would be naked and in chains and would do whatever He wanted instantly. He then said that this level of perfection is impossible right now because of the kids, so it is best not to think of it. i rephrased my question and asked what a realistically perfect slave would be like and He answered that i should be able to anticipate His needs so He is not always asking things of me. In His eyes, that makes Him seem very demanding and He is not sure how that will impact our sons. So... i just need to work on my mind reading skills...lol...

i am so grateful for my chains because they make me feel super hot for my Master and are also really fun to play with!

Gratitude #3

Things are starting to settle down a little on the home front, which is great. i am just feeling a little neglected at this point, but i understand... i also feel like i probably wouldn't be good at serving right now anyway... ever have a day when everything your Master does drives you crazy?! Having one of those days for sure.

i am very grateful for my rule (obey always) because it helps me remember what to do, even when i am not in the mood to follow it.

Gratitude #2

So today was interesting. Actually had a pretty good day in spite of some crappy things. My Master is too tired and worn down to dominate me. He loves me so much, but this month always wears us out.

Okay, so today i am so grateful for spankings because it has been a little while since i have had one and i am missing having my Master's big hands against my bare cheeks.

Gratitude #1

So i have noticed my servitude has been slipping... this is a difficult time of year for my family, so it is easy to get wrapped up in that and lose focus on what is really important to me. That being said, i am trying to find different ways to refocus.

One thing i am doing is writing out the things that make me grateful and happy in my regular daily life. i am also going to do the same thing on here and write 1 thing each day this month that i am thankful for and why in ttwd. It will help me remember why i love to serve Him.

1. i am grateful for the open communication time that we have every night because it allows me to get a better understanding of what He expects of me and why He wants those things.

Boring

Sometimes, we are just plain boring. i am writing this as we sit on the couch watching Naked and Afraid, which is funny... the kids are in bed and we are sitting around... We are both really tired and dealing with a lot of issues and just don't really feel like doing much else...

He doesn't really feel like keeping me in line and i don't feel like getting into my normal shenanigans... just an average couple doing average things... i'm not even sure that we will play tonight and i am completely okay with that... does anyone else ever feel like just relaxing the night away?