Waiting

Waiting... How funny that this page was already created, untitled, and waiting for me... Well, I am definitely going to explore an interesting topic because a lot has changed about me since 6/22.

I am currently experiencing what taking a break in relationships can look like from different angles and perspectives. From mine, taking a break sucks... I miss my loves... I miss my me time... I miss my play... I feel like I can try and go about it the right way, but what is the right way when you are experiencing life? Is there a right and wrong way to stop something that can be revisited once the rest of the shit settles?

I am finding that being a 24/7 consensual nonconsent slave in a polygamous situation is hard. Papa Bear wants to share me, but wants to make sure that he has an open line of communication (connection) with his metamours.

After talking with Papa Bear, this makes more sense because he wants to have at least brief interactions with anyone who plays with his toy (me)... For a while, I forgot that I was his slave, his property, his toy and that he gave permission for others to play with me who deserved and asked for it. For a few months, I thought that I was the leader... I felt like I knew what I was doing...

And then I remembered today... I don't like that role in life. I don't like to make decisions and I don't want to be in charge. I stumbled as we often do when we are trying new things, but my stumbles have hurt people that I love... So what do I do?

I apologize and try to look at different perspectives. I learn from my mistakes. I follow and/or develop a plan and do it.

I hope they can forgive me... We all fuck up sometimes, even I am human...

I wait because only time can heal wounds that were unintentionally inflicted... I am hurting those I love, including myself... But I had to pull off the big girl panties and be the dirty little slave I truly am inside.
I had to be me again. The one that takes charge and makes demands and is a bratty little girl... That isn't me...

Besides... Whores don't wear panties, especially not the big girl kind, lol...

So I wait...

The kiss

i was full of excited and crazy energy after my health and nutrition conference, which usually ramps me up because of the 32 pounds i have lost on my nutrition plan. Waiting to be seated... Waiting for them to arrive... For her pretty eyes and his assured energy... Sitting next to my Papa Bear... Who is making small talk as we wait for them with a slight smirk on His face... He knows i am nervous... He always knows my version of crazy in each moment.

And in they walked. Her classic beauty in a classy dress and his presence in a bow tie. We then all stood around waiting at the restaurant. i nervously watched her eyes... Anxious nervousness... Wondering about what it would be like to kiss her pretty little lips.

Oh... And did i mention that Papa Bear had me put in a big metal butt plug for dinner, lol? No... Must have slipped my mind, lol...

Once we made it back to the car, i removed the plug and breathed a little easier. Smiling and blushy, we made our way to their home.

We decided to watch a movie... It took a minute to work up the courage to hold her hand. My eyes darting between her eyes and lips... One hand on my Papa Bear's lap and the other caressing her hand, and then her face, feeling her soft glow... When our lips met... Sigh... i could do that forever and be happy...

We played and had a lot of fun. i learned that i like thuddy canes and that when those are paired with a couple of great punches, the colors are very pretty...

But my favorite thing was kissing my pretty girl...

The gift of a toy mentality

Ooh my goodness! We tried something new and it was amazing! So Papa Bear saw this girl at a play party that was getting punched in the butt and asked if i would be willing to give it a try. When He asks things like that, i feel his love. He is such a sweetheart and has always wanted to make sure i am okay.

i, of course, have a completely different opinion of His favorite toy. His favorite little whore toy is just that... A toy... She doesn't have an opinion except for the one that is her Master's... So of course she wants to get punched in the ass. She wants the energy that her Master feeds her. She pushes through and past the pain to feel the joy in His heart and the love that He gives her with His hands.

So we did it and it was amazing. she loved it and so then did i. she exploded with joy over and over and over again, and i watched with a smirk on my face as i absorbed the power inherent in the situation... In the simple act of Papa Bear punching her in the ass... His precious foxy learned that she had a gift for Him. i gave him the gift of His favorite toy, her.

Daddy's little whore

My journey has been interesting to say the least... And it has gotten to the point now where i am a dirty whore...Papa Bear likes me being a good little whore...
The kind that wears a pretty smile but is willing to drop to her knees in a second and suck cock...
The kind who doesn't talk back but does say nasty dirty things...
The kind that wears pretty dresses but will get naked whenever asked with no questions, regardless of who is around...
The kind that looks innocent and naive but definitely knows how to please in the naughtiest ways...

As i start to play with another, i have learned that sometimes, these dichotomies are fun, but can be hard to maneuver through... Especially when my play partners like different things and different attitudes. i love being able to make them happy in their different preferences and the chameleon in me allows me to play different parts... Part of me wonders if i will be the wrong whore for the partner i am playing with at the time and part of me wants that to happen to see what the repercussions would look like...

Becoming the little whore that everyone enjoys... The one begging to be flogged, spanked, or dragged about by her hair... Being dominated by powerful and intelligent individuals that help bring her to life by allowing her to experience submission... Bringing her to her knees when she doesn't want to go willingly... Telling her what a good girl she is as she sings out to release the pain inherent in this world, this life... Sigh... Pure ecstasy....

Playing with girls while hunting for unicorns

Papa Bear and i are on the hunt for unicorns... Or maybe for another couple that is interested in letting MFF threesomes happen from a poly perspective. Either scenario would be amazing...

In the meantime though, we are definitely having fun on the journey. i was able to play with a beautiful young lady who was sweet and nice and full of such happy and playful energy. She pleased me orally like no one has before and it was phenomenal.

She also seemed to enjoy my training as Papa Bear has trained me to cum on command... It took us a while to figure that one out, but it is one of my most useful tricks... She had me begging to cum and would then give me release and giggle about how easy it was... She loved that Papa Bear stated i would receive punishment by belt if i came without permission and pushed it to the brink several times. Every time she gave me permission when i begged and cried for release, i thanked her for saving me from the belt even though she was the one that was pushing me to almost get the spanking... It added a fun level of complexity to the play from a mind fuck perspective for me...

Mmmmm... Made me so happy to hear those delightful giggles... i love to make others happy!

My Tattoo!!

It hurt... It hurt so good... It hurt so bad...

There are things that hurt good and there are things that hurt bad for me. Good hurts leave me tingly, push my limits, help me release my expectations and just exist in the moment. My tattoo was much like that...

Bad hurts leave me upset, screaming in agony, groaning in pain, crying out for a release that is hard to avertive because the present moment is filled with pain... My tattoo was much like that too...

i am starting to realize that i may be more masochistic than i originally thought... i am so glad i can explore myself, my limits, my boundaries, my needs, my wants, and my cravings... Mmmmmmm....

Back again!!

So, i have finally found myself... Me... The me that is me and that is forever... The me that is interconnected and woven with all of you, my sweet readers and fans.

i have also found that i have an interesting life. i am a servant and being in service to mankind makes me so happy. i find that it is a lot easier to help others when i am feeling good and looking good. i am more confident in myself and understand what i truly want.

i am so glad that my Papa Bear just lets me be me. He allows me to experience new things and truly submit to His will. His confidence in Himself has also increased and so He is understanding how good it feels to be selfish with your desires in life. That is right! Selfish! Be selfish and make sure you are creating the life you want to have.

In my perfect life, i am a slave to many people, with Papa Bear being my only Owner. i would be controlled in each moment of each day... Except for a time at night where i can discuss how things went with Papa Bear so He could continue to create the full experience that He wants with our lives...

Mmmmm... Feels good to write again... Have been growing a lot, so hopefully, you all enjoy the true me... Now that she is out, i refuse to let her be pushed back down!!