Morning Daddy!!

So my Daddy Master started a new job yesterday and it felt amazing to step back into our routine. It felt refreshing and good to follow a morning routine to help my hubby go support our family. We have started implementing rules and behaviors again to help me get back to the woman I want to be.

I wake up an hour before him and get showered before doing a meditation. After I make sure his clothes are ready for the day, I start blowing him to wake him up gently without an alarm. Get him off and then over to the shower. While he showers, I make him a yummy egg burrito and a sandwich for lunch. After his shower, I get to help him dress and get ready for his day.

Once he goes to work, I kinda feel a little lost and a little anxious and a little strange, but that will dissipate as I figure things out... I now kind of feel like the stay at home housewife I have kind of always wanted to be... how do I be the best housewife for my family now that my hubby and our girlfriend both work outside the home?! I need to learn so much about taking care of a home!

Enjoying the Scenic Route

I have never taken my time with a man... until now... and I am so grateful that my Sire allows me this blessing of really enjoying all of the pieces of innocence to abandon... but I feel like some kind of explanation is needed as to my choices in my life right now on this scenic route with him. 

I have recently been exploring taking back my vagina... 

You see, as a very small child, I was repeatedly molested and abused... and when I got to adolescence, I quickly gave my ‘virginity’ away to my first long term boyfriend the first time he asked for it... then, as an adult, I serially fucked every man (pretty much) on the first date.... so there was never a chase... a courting period... a romance... I gave everything away so quickly to those around me that I often was hurt and taken advantage of... my opinions were disregarded and my limits were broken... I recently found out that this abuse went far deeper than I remembered and new memories surfaced causing me to seek chastity to reclaim myself...

Chastity?!? The sexy fox that fucks and sucks with a passion that is insane... yes... extreme trauma sometimes calls for extreme measures to force healing... Do we know me as someone to wait for things to unfold naturally when I can help it along? No... I didn’t think so.

After setting up my perfect plan for Master to be cared for, I started my chastity exploration... and then, the plan wasn’t so perfect... 

I love my Master dearly and have given away many things to ensure his happiness in this life... With the plan not working, I made myself available for fucking again as needed. It is my duty as his wife and slave to ensure that he is well taken care of and can cum regularly. I was able to have 1.5 months of chastity before I offered myself back to my Master. I am not really ready from an emotional level to explore love + sex at this time and honestly, my pussy doesn’t get excited by it... I am way more excited by the tease and a blowjob than I am by the act of sex. 

I am so blessed to have someone who will turn me into his dirty little whore and fuck me until I don’t feel like I exist because of the space He lays me into. Thank you Master, for accepting my submission and taking what you need from me. It makes me happy to serve you in this way!

I am so blessed to have someone who will let me revel in what feels the most amazing to my body until I feel like the only thing that exists because of the space he lifts me into. Thank you Sire, for accepting my dominance and giving me what I need. It makes me happy to be served in this way!

Healthy happy balance... and through balance, comes healing... in my experience.

Penis Rope

So... I tied up my Daddy’s dick with this rope I had and he did not like it... lol...

My Twisted Head

My head is suddenly twisted... I am falling through my thoughts... trying to open the doors in my head and heart to be the best version of me... writing usually unlocks these for me, so here I am...

After an amazing rope session with my Sire, I got back home and suddenly felt sad and lost... maybe unfulfilled... my submissive side is craving a truly dominant influence now that my dominant side has been satiated through my control in my relationship with Sire... so I snuggled into my Daddy... knowing that I needed something, but not knowing what I needed at the time... I am only now able to articulate my feelings by sitting down and writing about it now, lol... that is so frustrating but also enlightening...

I told him that I needed Him and he choked me out... and that helped... a little with the tension that was building in my head... when I start fighting with myself, my migraines flair... but it wasn’t what I needed... and unfortunately, I don’t know what I need!! I just can’t figure it out and I am past frustrated with it...

Maybe I need a good beating or some orders to follow... maybe I need to beat some ass... maybe I wish my protective side would stay away cuz I am so safe that she isn’t needed.... maybe I just need to feel safe... that made my eyes tear up, so that’s a step in a direction... fuck...

Memory lane

It’s so hard to live in the present right now... with the wonderful reminders that social media provides, I am walking down a memory lane from hell... 3 years ago, I watched my sons life come to a close... today, three years ago, is when I found out that my son was not going to make it... today was the day that I found out that we were out of viable options to save him... I spent the first 30 minutes of today crying...

But life keeps moving... a blessing and a curse... and I’ve got to dry my eyes, get my toys, and prepare myself to play with a bunch of freaky friends online... the life of a cam girl...

The Tease

Rope!! I got rope again and man did I need it. I have been in an interesting head space lately and it has really been messing with me. I needed more grounding, and who better to give it to me than one of the men I love. Sire and I chatted on the way over to his place about life and things.

When we got there, he recreated our first memory in rope. It was so fun! To be tied, caught as a prisoner in red rope again, like the first time he tied me... it was nostalgic... then on to another tie, recreating a fun picture moment from the past. I ended up in a rope bikini before we retired to a lovely make out session on the bed.

Then, he gently guided my hand to his cock and I had a shift within me. My initial plans were to play in rope, cuddle, then move to a blow job... kinda my thing... but once he took the initiative, my original plans melted away and a new plan emerged. I am not the quiet little submissive I once was... so I teased... I mercilessly and gracefully teased... holding his cock in my hand, no blow job in site...

Then, it was time to go. On the ride home, I recognized the shift and Sire and I were able to discuss and talk about it. In the car, I asked if he wanted me to be naughty. He thought road head, but I dipped my fingers into my pussy instead and placed my wet dripping fingers in his mouth. All he wanted at that moment was to fuck the naughty lil bitch in his truck.

When he dropped me off at home, we joked about the fact that this bitch didn’t even give him a BJ and we burst out laughing about it. I can’t wait to see what our next play session holds.

Anticipation

Love abounds in my life and yet my heart is still heavy and my head is still lost. My center escapes me and this experiment in chastity is delightful and difficult at the same time. The deliciousness of the wanting, craving, pulling and the frustration in telling my body, not today... a new kind of torture, but one that will create another future heaven between my thighs... I have always been phenomenal at putting a plan into motion and watching it play out...

Is masturbating cheating on chastity? I don’t think so... it takes away some of the edge, but also creates a deeper need... hmmm, what will it be like to break this seal?

I was doing this deep memory regression hypnosis thing the other day and my first happy memory included a tingling in my pussy... my self reflection and study is bringing me back to a connection within my core... and the sexual energy and sexuality that is me... as my Daddy finger fucks me, I grind against it and orgasm, and I actually enjoy it... the feeling, the energy, the experience...