Electric punishment

Sometimes, i feel like i am the most amazing slave in the world and other times i feel like a big  disappointment and a lot of work for Master. Yesterday was one of those days... Too much attitude and Master gave me a direct order and i sucked at it... i was too busy being on my phone to pay attention to His direction and think it through... He said He would take partial blame because He could have been more clear, so He would lighten the punishment... That was bullshit... Worst punishment so far...

Last night, He told me to make sure everything was ready for bed by 8pm because He had to work early. i got all of the kids in bed and was eating my last snack for the day when He asked what happened. Why wasn't everything ready for bed? i told Him that everything was ready and He started asking about things that i normally do, but didn't quite think of as bedtime stuff for some reason, lol... i think my brain was just not thinking... Sigh...

So, after i fixed all that, Master asked what He should punish me with. He said He didn't want to use the belt because i didn't really understand what He was requesting and He acknowledged that He needs to work on more specific communication... i recommended the electric wand because He loves to play with it and i have not built up a tolerance yet... May have been the worst idea ever...

He just kept shocking me with His new metal needle that we used once in play... While i sucked His cock, while i road Him reverse cowgirl... Just kept shocking tender spots, even after i started crying, which is usually when He stops a  punishment... Not this time though... Then, He commanded me to orgasm and right when i started to go, He shocked me again. i was screaming and crying and shaking and apologizing... Even thinking about it now makes my stomach turn and my heart race...

i am not sure if i could ever learn to love that toy, which is one of my goals for the year. i am focusing now on no attitude. Just a Yes Sir when given an order and stopping to think it through and ask questions... i feel like a dog in a shock collar would feel... i don't want to mess up at all and anything that sounds like the ominous buzz of electricity makes me feel like running away, throwing up, or screaming... Even just writing this was upsetting for me, but that is the point... The point of my blog is to share my journey with my future self and stay present in the experience... But thank you dear readers for coming along for the experience...


***Personal Note*** it was recently brought to my attention that some may find this to be abusive. i wanted to make sure that everyone knows that if i had used a safe word, He would have stopped. Shoot, if i had turned to Him and said please no, He would have stopped. i personally need a painful punishment to adjust behaviors and have asked my Master for this type of punishment. My Master and husband is an amazingly gentle soul and would not inflict abuse or permanent harm to me and i trust Him with my everything.