Going to be a while

Sorry readers, but we are going through some pretty tough situations with our middle child right now, so i will not be posting actively for a moment in time. Once this situation is situated, i will resume my regular posting schedule...

Electric punishment

Sometimes, i feel like i am the most amazing slave in the world and other times i feel like a big  disappointment and a lot of work for Master. Yesterday was one of those days... Too much attitude and Master gave me a direct order and i sucked at it... i was too busy being on my phone to pay attention to His direction and think it through... He said He would take partial blame because He could have been more clear, so He would lighten the punishment... That was bullshit... Worst punishment so far...

Last night, He told me to make sure everything was ready for bed by 8pm because He had to work early. i got all of the kids in bed and was eating my last snack for the day when He asked what happened. Why wasn't everything ready for bed? i told Him that everything was ready and He started asking about things that i normally do, but didn't quite think of as bedtime stuff for some reason, lol... i think my brain was just not thinking... Sigh...

So, after i fixed all that, Master asked what He should punish me with. He said He didn't want to use the belt because i didn't really understand what He was requesting and He acknowledged that He needs to work on more specific communication... i recommended the electric wand because He loves to play with it and i have not built up a tolerance yet... May have been the worst idea ever...

He just kept shocking me with His new metal needle that we used once in play... While i sucked His cock, while i road Him reverse cowgirl... Just kept shocking tender spots, even after i started crying, which is usually when He stops a  punishment... Not this time though... Then, He commanded me to orgasm and right when i started to go, He shocked me again. i was screaming and crying and shaking and apologizing... Even thinking about it now makes my stomach turn and my heart race...

i am not sure if i could ever learn to love that toy, which is one of my goals for the year. i am focusing now on no attitude. Just a Yes Sir when given an order and stopping to think it through and ask questions... i feel like a dog in a shock collar would feel... i don't want to mess up at all and anything that sounds like the ominous buzz of electricity makes me feel like running away, throwing up, or screaming... Even just writing this was upsetting for me, but that is the point... The point of my blog is to share my journey with my future self and stay present in the experience... But thank you dear readers for coming along for the experience...


***Personal Note*** it was recently brought to my attention that some may find this to be abusive. i wanted to make sure that everyone knows that if i had used a safe word, He would have stopped. Shoot, if i had turned to Him and said please no, He would have stopped. i personally need a painful punishment to adjust behaviors and have asked my Master for this type of punishment. My Master and husband is an amazingly gentle soul and would not inflict abuse or permanent harm to me and i trust Him with my everything.

Busy New Year!

Oh my goodness, it has been a minute. Master started His new job and we are just getting used to a new routine right now. Last night, we had amazing sex. i was able to spend the day at home with the kids, got the house very, very clean, did my chores and sent Him dirty text messages all day that made His friends blush. ;-)

i was able to be dressed in tiny shorts and a sports bra and heels as i made Master's chicken fajitas for dinner because He came home after the kids were in bed. He was able to come home to a mostly naked sexy wife cooking a yummy dinner... Every guy's dream, lol.

After He had dinner, we had amazing sex. There was one hiccup because i forgot to say thank you after He made me cum. i was just lining His cock up with my ass hole when He stabbed up with His hips and skewered me. It hurt so very bad... i immediately jumped up and started screaming and crying... He immediately cuddled me and took care of me. He did not know i was being a good little anal whore when He tried to punish me. i still took it in the ass after a bit of cuddling and reassurance.

Oh, it was so nice to be a stay at home mom and a stay at home slave for the day... Sigh ... my version of heaven on earth...

Gosh Darn It!!

You guessed it... i am already in trouble and have received my first punishment in 2015... Consistency is key and Master tries to be consistent.

Yesterday, He wasn't feeling well and was complaining of some pain. WebMD made it sound like it could be kidney stones, so He is going to the doctor today to see for sure. For some reason, whenever He gets sick or is incapacitated, i get really grumpy and aggressive. So naturally, i was being a brat and not listening to anything He said, let alone following direction with a smile.

At the end of the night, He was feeling much better and told me to come to Him. i hung back by the door and told Him i was scared. He asked why and i told Him that i was scared because i was a bad girl today. He then stated that a good girl would come to Him like He wanted, so i hurried over.

He held me and asked questions about why i thought i was a bad girl. i told Him i wasn't listening, i was argumentative, i was basically being a brat... He agreed and out of no where, the crop landed on my backside. i jumped... i was not expecting that and it has been a while since we played with the crop. He repeatedly smacked me with it until He found the most sensitive spot on my backside, which is right under my lower back on the little shelf created by my ass.

He then had me hold the door frame to the bathroom and repeatedly smacked that spot with the crop until i was in tears. He asked what i should say and the words thank you Master tumbled out of my mouth. He called me His whore and His slut. He jammed His cock far into the back of my throat until i felt like i would suffocate or choke to death and then pulled it out so i could thank Him before He shoved it in again. He asked if i knew my place and i thanked Him for reminding me.

My place is on my knees, with His cock buried deep in my throat and His hand tangled in my hair. My place is on the floor as His slut, sitting beside Him as His tease, draped across Him as His whore slave. i am His, i belong to Him... i always will... He will always own me.

New Year's Eve - Kinky resolutions

Time to make my resolutions for the new year!! i usually keep a list of goals that i have for myself year round and update it as i go, but it is a very vanilla list. These are the goals i share with anyone when asked what my resolutions for the new year will be and they all focus on not procrastinating and on being healthier.

My kinky resolutions will be pretty similar:

1. i will follow Master's direction as soon as it is given with a smile on my face.

2. i will attend an official play party somewhere at least once in the year.

3. i will continue to seek out new experiences and new individuals to have experiences with.

That's it... Just 3 this year, but i think they will be very impactful...

What are your kinky resolutions for the new year?

Sexercise

Some days are just good for playing video games. . Yesterday was one of those days.

i am preparing for a new diet plan which has me eating more often throughout the day and also working out a little harder. i was reminded this last week that life is short and living healthy can help with extending the time i am here, barring extenuating circumstances... So, i am going to use all of that pain to improve my health and hopefully the health of the rest of my family.

Master is helping me stay fit with all of the sexercise i have been having... Electro-abs the other day... Nipple bite lunges last night (basically biting my nipple and moving His head into different positions forcing me to lunge or squat to relieve the pain)... What will happen next? Lol...

Master's direction

For a while, i am going to be using Master instead of Papa Bear to help me stay in a better frame of mind... After yesterday's freakout, i feel like i need to implement some things to help with maintaining my sanity, even in this blog. Using M/s verbiage is one thing... i am still debating whether i should take away the i pronoun, but at this point, it will stay unless things push even further...

Master said that i am not allowed to think about taking His favorite toy away from Him (me) as thoughts of suicide ran through my head yesterday... Thankfully, we did not have any deadly pills in the medicine cabinet... Unfortunately, i got to the point where i actually looked... Sometimes the weight of my son's condition just crushes me flat and makes me want to escape it all... Yesterday was one of those days... At least the morning was...

The rest of the day, Master commanded me. He had me make very specific meals for the day, had me do chores around the house, and basically got me out of my head. When i follow His direction, i don't think about anything else but pleasing Him, which helps so much more than i think He knows. He was also more vocal with His requests, which i liked a lot.

After a day of following Master's direction, i asked for play... Specifically, electric play... i don't like it, but Master loves it and He wants me to work on my tolerance... He would prefer that i get excited about electric play, so asking Him for it seemed like a good first step. He had me set up the electric wand and get out a new flogger to play with once we got the kids in bed.

We used 2 different attachments and i think i did really well. He gave me a pretty good ab workout with the needle attachment He has. i also handled the flogger pretty well, until it whipped and smacked me in the pussy!! Ouch!! My Master then screwed my mouth and pussy until we both came together. He made me orgasm while we were going through the most painful parts of the flogging  and electric play to get my mind to believe pain and pleasure go together... Such a caring Master!