Home with Daddy

Sire brought me home in time to get ready for work on Tuesday, 1/19. When i got home, i found out that Daddy was sexually frustrated from His date the night before. One of the reasons that our solo date worked and i didn't have to worry about Daddy is because He was at the house with Sweetheart and i knew that He would be taken care of.

i needed to shower, so Sweetheart gave Daddy a fluffer blow job while i showered, and then i hopped on as soon as i was out. Then, i got ready for work. After i finished, i just felt like i wanted to stay home and take care of Daddy. He had given me an amazing experience the night before, so i wanted to show Him my appreciation. He allowed me to stay home!

We played and we fucked and He used me like the little toy slave that i am for Him. i couldn't write about how amazing it was because i just don't have the words when it comes to describing how Daddy fucks and uses me. All i know is that He fucks me into my toy subspace and can do anything He wants after that because i am fully submitting to Him.

We also developed a new way to help me get back to my favorite version of me, the full slave. Sticker chart!! This is totally appealing to the babygirl side of me and helping me get back on track with life chores. There are rules and chores and prizes and it is fucking awesome!!

 Best day off ever!!

Now this is a solo date!

Dammit, need to catch up on writing again. Lol...

So last Monday, 1/18, Sire and i had our actual solo date. My favorite thing about the night was the freedom that i felt. The freedom to be a me that has no responsibilities or deadlines. The freedom to play and do anything we wanted with minimal control as well. Daddy lifted the 30 minute fucking restriction He had placed before.

As a mom, when Daddy and i play at home, there is still a portion of my brain that focuses on my kids. When we play outside of the home together, my brain is always fixed on making Daddy happy and a part of me looks at Him and sees the son we lost. It is hard, but the good and fun always outweighs the worry and despair. i remembered what it felt like to escape everything when i went on my final date with my Sir and i was hoping this experience would be more freeing, and it was.

For this night, i truly was slave foxy receiving a reward for being a good girl with strict instruction from Daddy to have the best time i could, follow my contract rules, and to take care of Sire the best i could which would make Daddy proud. i felt like i met his expectations.

i slipped into the box i have with Sire. In that box, i am Sire's Cara Mia, or heart song. We are passionate and romantic and silly and playful. In that box, where i love him madly and desperately, i get to be this spontaneously sexual princess who has doors opened and is not allowed to release herself from a vehicle without express permission. She is horny and amazing at sexual innuendo. She is well-written, educated, and appreciated for those gifts. She can have a couple drinks or a little marijuana and feel right as rain. She is easy and carefree without a worry in the world because she just is who she is and Sire loves her for that. She is intensely focused on connecting with Sire.

She is one of the many personalities i play around with. She is beyond free within the cage that Sire is providing. i happen to love cages. They are amazingly fun for lots of reasons. My favorite is that all of the walls and corners are clearly defined. You know what will happen if you touch the wall of an electrocuted cage... Rules and relationship dynamics work the same way. When building that cage, you review the way you want it to look, the room you want to give, and the way in and out of it.

i feel like this solo date helped me understand a little about what the first large edges of the cage will look like. The good news is that there is a lot of room in the cage right now. Only rule so far is that i am not allowed to open a car door for myself as Sire decides when i should enter or exit a vehicle. i thoroughly enjoy this rule as i am usually the one that opens the door and puts Daddy in the car... But Cara Mia, the princess, doesn't do that. It is different and interesting.

The walls of my cage are decorated with nakedness and sex. His bed is so soft and squishy that i like to get naked immediately and jump on it, but first we had to take a shower. i had already washed and curled my hair and did my makeup, so i literally just stood in the shower as Sire washed and helped here and there. Then, after we were all the way clean, we hopped on the bed and had quite a bit of sex. Then i was hungry, so we went out to eat.

The walls of my cage are decorated with Italian food, which i love, and writings upon writings. To be able to discuss personal development books and Sire's book (which i am reading), was fun. We also discussed a little about my prior relationship with Sir and My Queen, as that relationship more closely mirrors what i am doing now. Learning some close history can help us understand the things we like and don't like, to see if compatability exists. He definitely understands the importance of my contract and the rules, which puts my mind at ease.

The walls of my cage are decorated with rope! Glorious rope and its movement and texture and gauge... Sire tied my hand in a hang ten with this very thinly gauged rope. It was tight and funny. i love how quickly rope relaxes me.

Lastly, the walls of my cage are decorated with paddles?! Lol... i have been thinking a lot about paddles and spankings and whips and all the BDSM toys that Sire has. He spoke to me about rhythm and motion and alternating placement, but by the end, i just liked the way it felt and the space it put me into. It helped me fall right to sleep as i spent the night as well.

It makes me feel like my Daddy spoils me with these experiences because a good slave deserves a treat at times. My Daddy gives me treats of freedom for my good behavior, not just trinkets and socks, but full experiences in different shoes. He loves me so much and knows that my chameleon-type nature enjoys feeling the shift.

Thank You both so much for the amazing night!!

Pie making... Or how my dad found out about poly...

Holy shit...

So, i learned how to make a delicious banana cream pie with a Nilla wafer crust and it was to die for... i am already in plans with myself to make it again... Lol...

Started out with us girls catching up and my dad and our husbands mostly watching the football game. The cardinals won and we were drinking while pie making, so i wanted to stay all night and hang with my girls... But i also wanted to see Sire and the girls... So we chatted and they decided to come over!!

Then the fun got interesting as i listened to kitty ask questions about Sire's dynamic with his girls, heard friends talk about blow jobs and who gives the better head... And my two best friends make out with each other... Hot as fuck! But a little sad because neither wanted to make out with me... Lol... Not because of some shortfall within me, but because they both love me too much to do anything that could jeopardize our friendship and i love these girls so much... You are my sisters if you are reading this... (Which you probably aren't, lol -cuz of the sister thing)...

Then kitty gives puppy spankings with The Judge and my youngest son (4) walks in and asks what is going on... Puppy thinks quickly and says, I have been a very bad girl... And my son says, okay, and walks away... (Just thought to mention that everyone kept their clothes on due to kids being around and nothing sexual happened anywhere the kids had access to - that would be inappropriate)...

i locked my keys in my house when i went to get the hand mixer, so we had to catch a ride home... Embarrassing...

The next morning, talking to my dad, i find out that he texted his girl to tell her about the blow job conversation and she said, I bet none of those girls give head as good as me... Lol... Everyone is so perverted and i love it!!

This, of course, sparks the conversation between my dad and i on the poly relationship dynamic we are in. My dad says that Sire seems cool and he felt that between himself, Sire, and Daddy, i am very well protected... My dad hasn't really said something like that before... Except the one time he threatened a man i was dating...

It was interesting to talk to Him about our relationships and our eventual want to add another woman to our household to have children with since my genetics have a disorder hidden within them... i refuse to put myself, my family, or another child through that torture...

It was good to be myself in front of my dad... Family is so hard to come out to...

A girl with a pole

Rope Night is so fucking awesome!! Favorite event ever! Every time i go has been amazing for me and has provided me with the experiences i want to have. 

Sire picked me up and i happily gave Him head all down the 60... We had to stop about the time we got onto the 10 because we needed to make sure He didn't cum in my mouth, lol. Then, we got to rope and the girls were already there. Sweetheart and Twinsie had grabbed a great mat in a great location. Big hugs and big kisses all around... But especially focused on Twinsie because of the emotions that had come up the night before. 

Then Sire tied Twinsie as Daddy pulled in to the parking lot. i went outside to meet Him and He had a smoke as i clung to Him, also trying to battle and push away the fear of loss... Then, we went back in and it was my turn to get tied up... 

As Sire tied me, i slipped into Rope Bunny zone... Feeling His rope on my skin... Feeling the loving energy it is filled with... Chest and hip harness secured before tying me to the bamboo pole. Then, Daddy and Sire picked me up off the ground and started swinging me back and forth and i was flying... i was safe and free from everything and just flying through the air. Everything fell away...

Then, i was brought back to reality as Sweetheart nibbled my ribs and Sire and her sang a little of the Chili's theme song for baby back ribs to acquiesce to a request that my Fluffy made the day before. (Fluffy is a friend from work who calls herself vibrantly vanilla)... Then, i was set down only for my Daddy to come pick me up on His own... Talk about making a girl feel small... i was so impressed and happy when He grabbed the pole with both hands and lifted me up...

Then, we took the pole off and i was able to cuddle a little with Sire. Then we removed the rest of the ties and cuddled with the rest of the family as Daddy took the pics. Twinsie had to go due to other obligations and a need for a good night sleep. We all walked her out to the car and said goodbye.

Sometime, while this was all happening, lil fox came by... It had been a while... We had decided being friends was better after she cancelled a weekend and didn't follow my instructions on what to do about missing the scavenger hunt. i was so glad to see her, but similarly worried as she brought a man with her that didn't deserve to be in her life due to his abuse... We chatted for a bit and it was fun. She decided to leave at the same time that Twinsie was leaving. 

As she appeared for a hug goodbye, she told me that she loves me... This is different for her as she doesn't say those words easily... My heart became very torn and i wanted to say, then fuck this guy and come back inside with me... Be with me... Stay with me... Come to me, pretty girl... But instead, i shut down the siren in my brain and did not start my seductive song... Instead, i told her that when she is ready for me, i am waiting... Once she gets her shit together and figured out... i am here... i was disappointed by the path she had chosen... Not just because it took her away from me and hurt my Daddy's feelings... But also because the Daddies that she had told me about weren't even making sure that she was eating... Sigh... But she is a grown woman and can make this decisions for herself... Even if i feel she is too little to do it right, lol...

So, after they left, we did some more rope and watched a performance. During the performance, Sire fell asleep on my lap and i was able to enjoy snuggling with Sweetheart. After the performance, we decided to wrap it up and we went out to I hop for dinner. i learned how Sire takes His coffee and started making it for Him after the first cup. We had fun visiting with Frisky's group as well... Just an overall awesome night!!

Sexting with Sire

Sire: you are sitting naked on the long bench on my eating table, you are quietly staring at the coffee sack on the wall.

me: Mmm, the bench is so cold on my naked skin...

Sire: music is playing softly in the background...Chello music...

me: Mmmm, sweet sounding cello...

Sire: I am playing a soft 3 note song

me: Goodness, i would love to hear You play...My eyes closed. Leaning into the music.

Sire: I lay down the Chello on the couch where I was seated...staring at your back side and ass

me: My eyes immediately open as if i am waking and turn toward You. A small smile on my face.

Sire: I walk over to you and firmly grab your pony tail with one hand and then reach around and grab a breast with the other. A sweet smile on your face.

me: Yes, a sweet smile, Sire. i arch into you and push my ass back on the bench...

Sire: I push you back down onto the bench in draw your face to my lips kiss you deeply.

me: i drink You in

Sire: I want to smell your wetness on my fingers. So I gently but firmly probe your pussy with two fingers.

me: Mmmm, i arch my back again and press my breast into your hand, kissing You deeply.

Sire: While still holding your ponytail tightly in my hand, I pull you up to your feet to lead you into the bedroom. I'm behind you now pushing your head forward as you stumble ahead of me knowing that I'm going to put you in the bed. Yes kissing me very. I already have ties on each bedpost I'm ready to tie your hands and your feet to my bed.

me: Mmmm, i get excited about the bed and start wiggling my ass. Oh yay!!! Rope!! *claps hand*

Sire: I shove you onto the bed and tell you to lay spread eagle so that I can see your open pussy and see your beautiful breasts in your face as I began to tie your hands to the posts.

me: i oblige immediately and move into the requested position quickly. Arching my hopes to give a better view of my shaved dripping wet pussy.

Sire: But you're in for a little surprise now that I have you tied up.

me: Mmmmm, yes Sire! A surprise!! Yay!

Sire: I walk into the kitchen and you hear a little rustling around and I come back with exactly 3 of the yellow roses that were in the vase.

me: *blushing* the roses! They smelled so pretty.

Sire: I waive the roses gently under your nose so you can smell their sweet fragrance, but then I show you the sharp thorns on each of the stems as your eyes widen.

me: i love them. Oh shit! i bite my lip. Look at You pleadingly.

Sire: I gently drag the roses across your breasts so that you can feel the sharp little thorns just touching ever so slightly on your tender skin, I pull the roses all the way down your stomach and let the pile of 3 rest just the top of your pussy.

me: The tickle arches my back and raises my hips.

Sire: I'm sure that your pussy smells better than the roses so I lean down take a smell of each.

me: *blushing* i look to the right

Sire: I slid my hand under your back in lifted high to cause your body to arch i just want to see you move in shiver on my hand

me: Try to hide in my shoulder

Sire: But you can't hide from me as I grab your pony tail again and move your head so that it faces my mouth I want another kiss and I want it now.

me: Mmmmm, shivering nicely, muscles tight. Yes Sire! Licks Your lips.

Sire: I purposely take my time removing my boots my socks in my pants just to tantalize you

me: Sire... Come over to the bed Lover. Look, my pussy wants You to eat it...

Sire: I pull my t-shirt up off over my head and you can see my erection sticking straight out I want to impale you with it I want to fuck you hard

me: i raise my hips and wiggle... Taunting You.

Sire: I pulled the roses away and took them to the floor and ask you are you ready to be fucked hard my sweet love?

me: Come on Sire, come fuck me. Fuck me hard. Take me. Use me.

Sire: Aren't I just one of your legs so I can pull your knee up high when I begin to lick your pussy

me: Mmmmmmm

Sire: I want my mouth all over your wet pussy I want to put my fingers inside of you and plunge them in and out as I suck on your clitoris and you come on my face again and again.

me: Goodness, yes. Thank You Sire.

Sire: Now I'm ready to fuck you are ready to feel my cock in you.

me: Please fuck me... i want Your cock in my wet pussy...Are you ready to feel my pussy Sire?...
... It's so wet... Please...
... Feel it...
... Fill it... Mmmm... Teehee...

Sire: I kneel between your open legs and begin thrusting hard cock deep inside your pussy.

me: Yes! i raise my hips to meet yours and stare into Your eyes

Sire: I want to change the position of your feet I want to tie the rope around your knees and pull your knees up tight almost to your head...

me: Stare into Your heart... Yes Sire...

Sire: Yes that is good my love stare into my eyes and stare into my heart

me: i wait happily and patiently as You retie

Sire:  now I have you tied so that your hands are still above your head and your feet and knees are pulled up high to expose your beautiful ass to me

me: i wiggle my little ass... Are You going to fuck my ass, Sire...Oh please, fuck my ass... Mmmm...
*wiggle* Staring into Your face and Your smile

Sire: I'm going to do what I've been waiting to do my love I'm going to have missionary anal sex with you I'm going to put my cock so deep into your ass but I'm going to look you in the face every second that I do it. I want to see your face in your eyes as I ass fuck you deeply my love...

me: Mmmhmm... Yes Sire... *eyes locked with Yours* Deep breath

Sire: And in this moment as our souls begin to soar again, I tell you that I am madly and deeply in love with you...

me: Madly and desperately, i exhale... Deep breath

Sire: are you ready to cum for me lover, because I'm about to unload deeply into your tender ass. deep breath...

me: Yes, Lover....

Sire: let's cum together my love

me: Please oh please can i cum... Please...

Sire: On 1...
...2...
...3...  cum for me

me: mmmmm

Sire: Now...Oh my sweet love.

me: Thank You Sire...Thank You! That was so much fun!!!!

Sire: thank YOU my love... any time my love...

me: Makes me so happy to sext with You, lol...

i also sent Sire a pic of my pussy, along with the 2 pics i normally send Daddy every time i send a pic to a love... So happy that Daddy allows me to play with my friends!!!

WTF happened today?!

i started to finally feel like myself... i sat down and caught up on some blog postings... Trying to get all my kinky shit down before making new memories... i got some chores done... i was feeling pretty proud of myself...

Then i asked Daddy to go on a date with Sire upon his request and He became really clingy and upset and accusatory... It tore me apart as i felt like i was doing something wrong or being inappropriate... i don't do poly because i am looking to fill cracks in my relationship. i do poly because my relationship is so sound that i am able to look at adding in more fun and a little variety. i do poly because i have one of the biggest hearts any will ever see and my love should be shared...

So we talked... Poly is more about talking and helping each other understand and accept the feelings that we have, or so i have noticed... i was always the clingy one before, but He proved to me that i don't need to cling... He isn't leaving... i guess it is my turn to prove it to Him. i am not going anywhere because He fulfills me. He is amazing and finds others to give me experiences that He doesn't enjoy as much...

Love You Daddy!!

After finally figuring out that the loss of our son was triggering a fear of losing me, we were able to hug it out. Then, right as i slid Daddy's cock into my pussy, the phone rings... And it is Sire, so Daddy answers it and i climb off. One of my last writings upset my Twinsie because it felt like i was saying that things would be easier without her there...

Suddenly, i was sad and angry at the same time. i was sad because i never want to make anyone feel unimportant to me or left out... i was angry because the writing should not have been a surprise and it made me feel like i stepped on some unforeseen land mine. You see, we had talked about the energy being off that night and had discussed the events and feelings that was making that occur while it was happening.

We talked for a while, but it didn't seem to help as she recused herself from the little family we are trying to build. It hurt so bad to hear that she was pulling away, but at the same time, everyone has the right to their feelings and i support everyone i love... Even if it means that i get hurt in the process...

i woke up in the middle of the night to use the potty and was able to read a beautiful message she sent to us that set the world right again as she decided to not take herself away from us...

Love You Twinsie!!

Goodness, it must have been a full moon kind of night... Sigh...

Snapping

i fell apart... My mind snapped and life felt unreal and crazy and impossible... It stopped feeling real... Everything... And i felt lost... So i reached out... Cuz that is what i do...

Daddy reached back and told me to come straight home after work (trying to work when nothing feels right is very difficult), smoke a bowl, have a drink, and enjoy the surprise visit that He lined up with Sire and Twinsie on their way to the GAP coffee.

When i got home, my mind was still broken. i cuddled into Daddy's lap and cried... He held me and tried to cheer me up with happy things, but that wasn't happening... i wasn't ready... He made silly jokes... He called me all the things that usually make me smile... And all i did was cry... Nothing He said was making sense... My mind was broken...

When Sire and Twinsie arrived, i tried to interact and honestly don't know how i did... We all got cozy on the couch with Twinsie in Daddy's lap and me sitting next to Sire. They were playful and kissing each other and Daddy was happy...

His waves of happiness touched me... Their waves of happiness were adorable and sweet and playful. They decided to take it to the next level and went into the room while Sire and i watched a movie with the kids.

It was nice to cuddle up in Sire's arms, knowing that Daddy was well taken care of by Twinsie. She brings a lightness into His step and into His countenance and seeing that light in His face makes me so happy. On that day, i needed to see happy and the two of them being together and enjoying each other helped me see it. Sire and Twinsie had to leave to get to coffee... But i wish they could've stayed longer... Playing seems to be the only thing that distracts me from my torture...