Being Quiet

 He growls, "come to bed, my juicy girl," throwing back the blanket and exposing the spot of his bed that he carved out for me. I sigh and hop over my bed to the space he's requested, rolling so my ass is pressed against his semi-hard cock straining against his boxers. He wraps his arm around me and starts kissing and grabbing onto me and suddenly, I am bored. So bored out of my mind with how vanilla our sex life has become. He's caressing and kissing and licking and I am waiting for it to be done.

He squeezes a little too hard and I take a quick breath in at the pain #notamasochist. He says, "That's my good girl. Being so quiet while you are taking Daddy's abuse" and boom, just like that, I slip into another dimension and my pussy is vibrating at the sound of his words. Now, I am actively trying to be quiet as he pinches my nipples just a little too much and grabs my thighs just a little too hard, digging his fingers in. But I am a good girl, taking the abuse for him. I feel myself drifting into a sub space I had almost forgotten could be there. "Yes, Daddy," I say, "i am your good girl... your lil slave... your poor little thing." Pet names from ago...

His cock is throbbing as he releases it from his underwear and my mouth finds it. He lets me suck and lick and suck some more. His hands pet my head but don't force me down as he let's me enjoy his cock. I can feel the pressure as he pushes to the back of my throat and his hand finds my hair, holding me in place while he bucks. When he releases me, I continue to suck and he chuckles a little before I pull my head back to look up at him, eyes barely open, drunk on his cock. My pussy is dripping wet when he rolls me over and slides right in.

He shoves his fingers in my mouth and bends my body forward as he fucks me sideways on the bed. He grabs my throat with the other hand and says "that's my good girl" as I choke and sputter quietly around his fingers. 

What happened next? I couldn't tell you... it was so good I couldn't think or remember...

Honesty again...

I find myself again wanting to write a venting session on my extreme need for honesty. I'm tired of it,  lol,  and it is something I wish I could change about myself... but alas, I cannot... sigh... even though it really sucks for me sometimes.  As I have become more integrated,  I am finding that I rigidly hold to the most extreme definition of honesty to the point where it completely turns me off when it isn't followed because it impacts my feeling of safety...

Don't tell me you have done something I've suggested when you haven't. I give no fucks if you follow my advice, although if you never follow my advice,  I eventually stop giving it... and as an Aquarius, my advice could change your life... so listen,  or don't,  but don't fucking tell me you did something you didn't do... 

...or do and prepare yourself for an aggressive direct lecture in no one's favorite tone about truth and honesty and crossing boundaries. 

I have learned that even joking around and hiding information in the joke crosses the line. Telling me we are having fish for dinner when you pick me from the airport so I can be a little upset because I hate fish to then offer to take me out as a fun surprise when there was no fish at home and the plan was to take me out in the first place is so cringe for me... just tell me you're taking me out. Don't manipulate me with your words in any way, please... the "surprise" is not worth the loss of trust...

...or do and see how fast I lose interest in playing with you. Those kinds of games are not fun for me, so why would I want it to be fun for you?

I'll probably add this to my fet profile after I open that back up (waiting for 2028 and the new presidency) to go along with my other writings on my boundaries... 

Her

 Last night, I slept over at her house. Since we started seeing each other, she has come over to my house cuz of my issue with driving... yes, she lives further than 20 minutes away from me, but yesterday, she was able to drive me to her place so we could have some one on one time. 

We made drinks, ate pizza, and tried to watch Ted Lasso, but ended up talking instead. We retired to the room pretty early after she asked me a couple times if I was ready for bed, lol. We started snuggling and kissing and groping each other when she said that she was ready to meet her... and I was like meet who? She was like her and pointed to my pussy which made me laugh. I've never had my pussy defined as a separate individual, which I of course said out loud.

She was like, just go with it, lol, and peered between my legs. She noticed how different our vaginas are from each other. Her bits are tucked in and my bits are all out. She started touching and asking about it, then went in for a taste. I could feel her tongue gently exploring, caressing, tasting, sending tingles through my body.  After licking around the folds, she placed a pillow under my ass for a better angle. She told me about how she really liked the taste and asked if all pussies taste the same. I stated that they don't. Her sparkling eyes disappeared as she went in for a second dive. The tingling was making it to my nipples, my throat, my head when she stopped again and asked if I had slipped off the pillow. She looked and saw that my body had crushed it as I commented on how I didn't think so...

She placed a second pillow under my ass, a thicker one, and explored some more. Soft gentle fingers and lovely licks, getting those tingles going again. Fizzy bubbles, popping just under the surface throughout my body as she met "her". Moans escaped my lips and my breathing thickened. She came back to my face and we made out, tasting myself on her tongue. She told me she wanted to take a break, but would like to explore more later. 

I told her the story of how my 2nd boyfriend fingered me and then shoved his fingers in my mouth to make me taste myself. Then I fell asleep with her kisses on my lips...

Girlfriend

I have a girlfriend! That's right! Cherry Bear has deemed me to be hers and I have accepted! 4/11/26... and I am on Cloud 9. We are so compatible on many levels! Sexually,  energetically,  and intellectually... so well matched. 

This is her first relationship with a woman and experience with polyamory. We talked about boundaries and decided that sexual or romantic things, like sex, head, kissing and similar acts would be off the table for other women. Rubs on the rest of our bodies or us giving rubs to other women is still okay, and things with men are cool as long as the proper testing is in place, which allows me to keep all my current friendships right where they are. Of course, I notified my friends right away, so everyone is aware of where some boundaries won't have shifting possibilities. 

Oh, to feel owned again is a little different now that I am closer to all of me. Papa Bear owns me, but doesn't really have a possessive bone in his body, which is definitely different than my Cherry Bear. That possessive vibe is something I genuinely enjoy even though I also enjoy a lot of freedom. There is just something about that feeling that gets me wet...

Cherry Bear

 Oof... it has been awhile since I have shared my life... my thoughts... my notions... in written form. Inspiration just hasn't hit and life has been meandering along. Papa Bear and his Phoenix, still going strong. Princess has become my best friend, providing his cock when I need to drink some cum as well as listening to all my rantings. He is always available for more, but I just haven't been feeling very deviant lately. I'm in my Master's, started a new career,  and have been getting back into video gaming so I thought I didn't have time for anything or anyone else... but the universe had different plans...

You see, I met this beautiful, sexy, intelligent, and fiery human I'm going to call Cherry Bear, maybe Cherry for short... we'll see... cuz she is definitely a bear of sorts... fucking climbs me like a tree during our makeout sessions.

In the last few weeks, things have steadily moved along and we are getting revved up for our first night of hot lesbian sex, something she has never enjoyed before... she spent the night this last weekend and we held each other and made out and talked about playing together. She mentioned she was scared to touch my pussy since she had never touched one before. I told her she couldn't due to a medication I was taking and would have to wait. As we were making out, I slid my fingers into her pussy and played with her clit gently, listening to her moans and feeling her body press towards my hand. 

She timidly reached a hand out and touched my pink cotton shorts, slipping her hand between my legs. I quickly clapped my thighs together and apart, saying "Nom, nom, nom," like my pussy was going to eat her hand, making her scream and pull her hand back before her eyes went wide and she smacked my butt and my shoulder. Both of us laughed so hard and I asked if that was scary... she was like, "oh you!" and "you wait and see if I touch your pussy again!"

After a little while, when the laughing finally subsided, we resumed making out and I didn't have to wait very long for her to be petting my pussy through my shorts again.

Feeling Subby

I am just not feeling very dominant lately. I asked the hubs to do a dom session with me and he pulled out his Primal Top... which is fine, but not what I needed... not what I am missing... my soul misses submission... I have been leaning into the dominance that Foxy left me with, but it just isn't me... I need a leader and someone that will take my reigns and drive me forward...

And I am tired of doing it for myself... yes... I know that as a strong female, I am the only one that can save myself, but I'm tired of that notion... I want a partner that can lean into dominating me... I miss the days when it was okay that a night in shining armor was gonna rescue me... school girl fantasies... tuxedo mask would come day save the day...

So I opened up and asked my sub to top me... my Princess mostly identifies as a Daddy Dom, but has been such a good toy for me for a while now. We negotiated no anal or vaginal penitration, but everything else was on the table. 

We did some impact which made me cry... I was so glad he didn't hurt me too much... it's not my favorite... then he teased me and played with my pussy... fucked my face and played with my tits... took away my sight, mmmmmm... the scene was lovely... I asked for more tonight... I am interested in seeing where this goes... 

Oof

And there he was again... In front of me... at my new job... 

And i lost myself again... his hand in my hand... her cute giggles... lost... lost at sea... in his eyes... wishing for a final end.... dear God just take me now...

I wish trust was there,  but it was broken... like my heart... smashed against the rocks... broken... damaged.... lost...

I can't escape the past... or can I... sigh...

Oof, my heart... i don't know how much more it can bear... crying... lost

Pampered

 My mind keeps circling back to the day we had this last week... mostly to their beautiful eyes peeking out from under my huge tits... 38G for those who know bra sizes, lol... eyebrows lifted, eyes glittering with delight, mouth sucking and kissing... me hovering above... an intoxicating vision that makes my pussy moist and tingly.

I have also been thinking a lot about suckling their nipples and pulling those nips between my teeth. I suckled as deep as I could and then released after listening to their sounds... When their small sexy tits were dangling above me, I really wanted to chew them up, but this was our first time playing and I wanted it to be more sensual. So many sensations left to play with down the road. 😈

The awesomeness that is the contrast between our skin tones and our breast sizes was captivating. I found it adorable when they rubbed my nipples on their nipples, sending light tingles through my body...

Speaking of tingles, their nails running all over my back, sending goosebumps throughout my body, was phenomenal. Almost as good as the delicious ravioli they made me, pampering me so wonderfully. 

Touching

We were able to see each other again yesterday for a little while before the rest of the group came over for a hangout, which has changed to watching a movie and eating dinner since paddleboard season is over. I was so nervous when they got to my house, with their yellow shadowed eyes... I quickly gave them a hug and their arm lingered on mine, fluttering the butterflies... then I showed them around the yard to see all of the changes that we have made... Our backyard homesteading project has been a project, if you know what I mean...

When we came inside, we sat and chatted, as close to each other as the butterflies would allow... friends came over and we got loud with laughter as we caught up on what had happened in each others lives over the last week... while getting dinner, I turned around quickly and caught their eyes, growling lightly in their direction. Throughout the movie, we got closer until all I could think about was their hand on my leg, wiggling their fingers... touching me... which was our plan... to get used to touching each other. 

You see, I am not really cuddly with my friends, so that is something new for us. Touch is not one of my love languages, but I see now that touch is an important part of a sexual/romantic relationship to me. Each touch, from resting my legs on their lap to touching their arm with my fingers in the same rhythm they were tapping my leg to get more touches... warmed my body and made my nipples tingle. 

They had to leave early, so I whined noooo before getting up and walking them out to their car. We hugged and nuzzled and they reached for my butt while asking again if they could touch. I said yes and leaned in to grab my own handful of their sexy soft butt...nuzzling in again with a little growl... definitely looking forward to next time.

Opening Doors

It's been a bit since I've written, and not because things haven't been happening... just haven't been bitten by the writing bug until now... I have been able to see growth and shifts within my relationships and the hubs has definitely been on board. His Phoenix has been a nice addition to the house and man, when she took over cooking 2 days a week, I figured it couldn't get any better.

And then, a dear friend of mine came over 3 times in 1 week a few times... 

Now this friend is very pleasant to look at and to talk to. Everything about our time together is a blast. We have been seeing each other twice a week for hiking and paddleboarding for the summer and they make me laugh with their jokes and the sound of their laughter brings me joy. We have known each other for 18 months and have totally connected over that time on a friendship level. While I have found them attractive, I've never broached the topic further due to how far they live away and how they have always said they are not very social and found that the time we had spent together was the perfect amount. 

I had made them aware quite a while ago that one of my baseline requirements in a romantic/sexual relationship is to see each other 3 times a week. So when we saw each other 3 times in a week for a paddleboarding session, they playfully joked about making out with a Scott Pilgrim reference that I didn't catch even though I love that movie, lol... unbeknownst to them, I had been thinking on kisses myself because maybe the distance wasn't too far if they had already come out 3 times a week... maybe I could open a door... and then that joke opened it for me...

The next few days we texted hesitantly... both of us trying to figure out how to move into this new phase... both of us looking forward to hiking and stirring butterflies within each other. That 4.3 mile hike gave us a lot of time to talk as did the ride to brunch and home after, especially around texting... getting out of the vehicle, we embraced and I nuzzled my face into their neck, licking the salty sweat on my lips after pulling away... I can close my eyes now and still taste them. Still feel their body pressed against mine and their nuzzle into my sweaty skin.

From that moment, we have been able to open our communication even more with texting. Teasing and playing through words, planning and anticipating time together. It makes me smile everytime they send me a message. Just knowing that I am taking up space in their beautiful and talented mind. And oh the writing, the exchange of thoughts, completely turns me on... I am such a sapio/demisexual that I couldn't ask for a better potential partner. 

Sometimes, Things Change

 I am fucking sick... Trying to work, but i keep coughing and sniffling when I talk and that really just had guys leaving as soon as they entered my page... which is super awesome with the bills I have... whoop whoop... I am thinking I may just need to cut the social life for a little bit and focus on working my butt off, once I am not sick again. 

In trauma therapy (HARD AF), I finally uncovered the deeper trauma that I suffered that created the DID and it seems as though my DID has now gone into some kind of remission. I would love to say it is cured and I am fully integrated, but I have felt cohesive before and then it all fell apart again, sooooo... that being said, I have been using therapy the last couple of weeks to look at aspects of my life, relationships, feelings and where they all are now that the rollercoaster in my brain has stopped.

This week has been a toughie as I am now working on anger and I no longer have alcohol to kind of numb my feelings... that's right, sober for a week and a half now... and man are my emotions raw. Looking at my life, I have ensured that I have healthy boundaries and do a much better job at holding them up (dishonesty or abandonment equal an automatic exit from my life), that the people in my life are willing to hold to those boundaries, and that my feelings matter. Looking inside, I am still pushing my feelings to the side (especially anger or hurt) when an issue doesn't get resolved and it is something I have talked about before. 

This is telling me that I believe my feelings matter enough to be heard, but not necessarily enough to be acted upon. I know I am okay with this in relationships where I don't act on the other person's feelings. In relationships where I make changes to bring joy or peace to someone else, I am learning that I am wanting my feelings to matter and when they don't, it hurts even more. I may have to make more changes to resolve the pain... and while that is scary, I also know it will be better for everyone in the end, including myself. 

Catching Up

Well... I had a shit ton of experiences to type about and share in here and I let too much time pass and now I can't trust that I will detail them well enough for my liking to refer back to...I was suffering migraines pretty bad... my job that included staring at 3 monitors of information 40 hours a week was causing my brain to liquidate, I think. I finally made a big enough error in reporting my attendance that the company let me go... surprised the fuck out of me... top 5%, customer service score of 5 out of 5 (unheard of), and 100% call quality 4 months straight... but companies are companies and rules are rules... Best benefit of being fired? No migraines have happened since I left :)

So what did I start doing again? That's right, camming!! I really love it too! Its a lot of fun and I get to play around with fun stories and create an imaginary alter ego life that allows my creative writer juices to be used. I think I may also use this time to finally write an actual book... maybe something about my life... maybe something fictitious... I guess I will get to see...

Before I move forward though, I did want to capture notes I left for myself on a written notepad from 10/11/23.

- I found a Babygirl for a minute... the connection really helped me define what I am looking for even though she found someone else and I found out through a social media post... I had so much fun going to the resort and being pampered. In the end, her man, linked in through vid chat, was kinda obtuse and a bit disrespectful in my opinion. Kinda made me feel like a whore, being bought with a nice resort and a fancy meal. All together though, a brief little whirlwind of fun... We even got to play at Princess's house on his bed.

- I still have my Princess, although I am probably going to start calling him Cutie from now on. As my mind shifted to this new me, I lost the taste for him in panties. I think it is because I find the thrill in making dominant men wear panties and he is my submissive, so it’s too easy to get him to do it, lol. I did give him a taste of exhibitionism at my house, stripping him down on the couch facing away from the  others in the room, who all left right before I started beating him so he thought they were watching when they weren't. A nice little mind fuck I thoroughly enjoyed. The extra anxiety and excitement at others being there to watch him get played with. We also fucked at his house and tried fucking at my house, with my Daddy Bear watching... lol... I definitely prefer him as a cum dispenser ;p

- Cutie brought a Kitten into our lives that has been a lot of fun to play with. She lets me beat her ass good and hard and lets Daddy Bear fuck her in the ass as well. We have been able to enjoy threesomes and other fun times. 

- Sire popped back up, like he does... I couldn't even remember everything around our last contact because I was Foxy then and I am Jennifer now and the information just wasn't available. Got back into therapy and my singularity dissolved back into the mess of DID and I remembered everything and blocked him on my phone so he cannot reach out to me again.

- My DaddyBear has stayed by my side through everything. He is doing well and I have really enjoyed watching his relationship with the Phoenix grow and blossom. They have only had one rough spot in the last 3 years… their connection gives me hope that I will find the one I am looking for to spend more of my life with.

- DID has been a fucking struggle with a lot of progress and I am finally seeing a light at the end of a tunnel, I think... I was able to get enraged and not lose myself to Daphne just this last week. I could hear her thoughts on how to handle the situation and acknowledge them without them taking over... without her taking over and shattering things and feelings... this is progress. I could hear Foxy's sadness at losing her best friend without actually knowing what the fuck happened and acknowledge the feeling without her people pleasing side coming out to make everything all better... to live in the suck that was created instead of letting well defined boundaries be trampled, hurting myself in the long run to make things feel better now... it fucking hurts in other ways that will be short term, but painful nonetheless... this is progress. I am still losing myself to Jenny sometimes during sexy time with Daddy Bear, but I think it's cuz I still have some trauma to work through with my little to give her back her voice, silenced by sexual abuse. Even just being able to recognize and define this is progress. Jordyn is here and I can hear their quiet appreciation for beautiful women and the thoughts of handy improvements that can be done around the house. I kinda wish that Jordyn would take over and get all this work done, but I am grateful that I can hear what needs to get done. Usually, I can't hear Jordyn at all, so this is progress. 

Alright... I think that catches us up to today... for the most part anyway.

Shifting to a slave

Losing my mind again... too many things happening inside my brain at once and the migraines have been unbearable. Thank goodness for weed and medication to help get it under control. I feel myself changing again... shifting... my mind is open to change... and in the current capacity of being 5 full personalities, my brain is ripping apart, so if it doesn’t solve soon, I don’t know how long I’ll be functioning… 

Daphne was the first one to walk out the door... she declared that we are safe in the current life situation. She promised that she would be listening like always, but is confident that we are well supported and well loved. As my protector, it is lovely to have her blessing on my current lifestyle and selections around the people in my life.

Jenny quickly followed as my little side feels most comfortable with Daphne… she doesn’t talk, but she just kinda curtsied and walked through the door as well… it looked like she ran to catch up and they joined hands before the door closed…

Then there were 3… Foxy, Jennifer, and me… now, me… I can’t leave… I’m always here… core personality that keeps the lights on and the breath happening type of thing… and Foxy and Jennifer can’t coexist…Foxy is sunshine personified with a high level of promiscuity and disregard for the rules and Jennifer is chill with a somber mood that only has eyes for PapaBear and follows rules to the letter…

We chatted with PapaBear about it and he really misses his slave… like really misses her… and while foxy is fun, she is no one’s slave, so she walked out the door as well. 

So here we are… Jennifer and me… and the contract that we wrote in 2015… implementation of that has begun and I got a spanking this morning with a holed paddle for not communicating with him when I was supposed to… 

The punishment today was different than I remember… he never seemed interested in punishments before, just kinda doled them out… but over the years, he has gained an interest in providing the teaching moment… the lecturing was more focused… his attention just felt different… and then the paddle swung….

Crack!!!!

The pain, boy howdy, the pain was intense and I screamed and jumped away. Then I heard his voice and I rolled back to him crying and shaking in his arms as he soothed me. I could feel his hands caressing the skin around where the paddle hit… He was so gentle and when I asked if he was going to play with the marks, he said he wouldn’t cuz he knows it’s painful. Moments before, he said he has been itching to play with a paddled butt due to the paddling he gives to one of our platonic friends, so I asked him to please play with the marks. It actually helped to make it feel better…

Then he kissed and licked my marks and told me to move to the other side of the bed. He then started to use his slave’s pussy and ass. I couldn’t take his cock in my ass all the way, it’s so big, but I did my best. As he pumped my pussy with his cock, I felt myself getting wet… then he said my trigger word and I orgasmed all over his cock. So juicy and slippery… next, he moved me into a split legged position that buries his cock as deep as it can get, which is a bit much for me, but my Master gives me everything I deserve… he then flattened me out and went flat doggy style until he exploded… satisfied and spent, I left him on the bed as I hopped into the shower to clean his dirty girl.

1 Chance

 After ending the dynamic, he asked for another chance... and honestly, I really had to think on it. He hadn't hit any hard limits, but I am also looking for a submissive that naturally serves me and wants to take care of me... not just another boy friend putting in low key effort that gets to play with me... 

When I asked him why a dynamic instead of a friendship, he said it was because he wanted the closest connection possible and that he had just lost his focus and would like another chance... so I decided on 1 more chance... now without any points or rewards... still with activities to do and lists of things I like and don't like, lol... and the effort has definitely improved. I've only had to beat him once for bratty behavior... 

I'm really enjoying having things be about me... what I like, what I want, what intrigues me... I'm learning to use my voice and he is already used to my looks... I feel like, with one look, I can cease a behavior and cause him to get the silliest look on his face and with another look, I can melt him in my mouth, I mean my hands, lol. I am also enjoying the pampering... oh the pampering... I've always been the one that takes care of everyone else... it feels so good to be taken care of.

Pre - 90 Day Review

I am a little late on my 90 day review of the sub I have been reviewing... to be fair, migraines have kind of fucked me up... and there was also a minimal break period during the consideration period as well due a disconnect in expectations and attention to detail... but it's really just a structure of my design so it really only matters to me that I am a little behind on my timelines, lol... I digress...

The implementation of the new layer of activities and rewards, shifted things a little. Princess was racking up the points and hitting all of the self care points that were available. I had built in new points around walking the dog and cleaning up the house and he was smashing those out of the park. I don't have a lot of things I require, so I placed points around massaging me as well. 

Only one big annoyance for me happened with the door to his vehicle... this is gonna sound silly, but small things matter... and if I am going to be the Domme, then I really want to be heard and for my wishes to be followed... I think it is cute when someone gets the door for me if it is in the natural flow of their life and sometimes, even when someone goes out of their way to get the door for me... but if I get to my door and have to wait for you to unlock the door or for you to get to the door to open it for me, then who is really in control of the situation? Not me... and I shared this sentiment a couple of different ways and then very plainly got frustrated by it and laid it out, to which the response was that he just wouldn't get the door anymore, then lost focus on me for the rest of the evening...  I am used to this "shut down" technique and am not fond of it. I just want to be heard and to have things adjust to what I am asking for... It was around this same time that Princess asked how I could be more satisfied with our dynamic, and I totally lost my shit, lol...

I was so pissed about being asked how I could feel more satisfied... For one, I had a set day for review at the 90 day mark... I feel like everything with me is a test and I am always "collecting data" for my social experiment... so to ask me for that type of assessment almost a month early felt like another way he was controlling the situation, which didn't look great due to the car door situation... Secondly, I had provided a list of things that could be done to bring me satisfaction... it wasn't a big list, but it was there... 

So, taking a look at the data early, I determined that the dynamic should end. Princess lost focus on me and focused instead on earning all the points... lol... this created an interesting dynamic as the activities on the list that were more focused on me had lower point volumes, so by choosing to get the higher point activities, Princess was failing the test... What I want is more important than what you can get... I still wanted to be friends and still wanted to play from time to time as he is a solid cum dispenser, but not a full D/s dynamic. I ended up leaving early that day, to give him time to process... thankfully, I had gotten a tummy full of cum from using him before we had the conversations. 

Consideration Review Tomorrow

Ahhhh!! I’m fucking stoked! My new sub has been doing great during our 30 days of consideration. We’ve had 3 punishments and 3 reward days and all have been so fun for me. Today ends that period and I am soo happy to ask that he be mine. He has already provided me with his consent… yay!!  

Tomorrow will be the actual review… so one may ask, what’s on the agenda?

First, there will be rope.

Then, my laptop will come out so we can update the questionnaire, review the current tasks, potentially add additional tasks, review the point structure on the rewards, and add more rewards to earn.

He will be ready with 7 new rewards suggestions, to discuss tasks and any changes he would like to see, and to review the points set on the current 10 rewards and his thoughts on those rewards so far.

He said his consideration of me ended before we even played together, which I find amusing. I recommend that both Doms and subs take a new play partner under consideration for at least 30 days to make sure your play styles match. I also have a 90 day opt out scheduled… After that, I won’t ask again… 

Smile - Migraine Poetry

Smile… 
even when it hurts… 
even when it’s dark… 
even when you want to gouge your eyes out so your brain will stop hurting as the light seeps in… 
Smile… 
the hurt will go… 
the dark will illuminate… 
leave your eyes so when the pain stops you can see… 

Smile.

1st Reward for Princess

My new princess has been so pleasing to me. He follows instruction well, has been racking up the reward points and has not picked up any new punishments outside of doing 5 minutes of HIIT work. I enjoyed receiving his video doing the 5 different workouts for me. He has been earning the reward points everyday and it came time to cash them in.

He told me that he was wanting to spend 70 points, and I knew that he wanted a pegging since he has been talking about it since our first punishment/reward day where he didn't quite have the points for it, so he decided to save his points for the next opportunity. Based on the list of rewards and points, that means that he was wanting a pegging and a flogging session. I looked in his cupboard of toys and pulled out his flogger and then reviewed the dildos on the counter and selected one. I also got the lube and adjusted my harness.

I had him leave on his lace panties for the flogging. The music was already on and the beat was perfect for a session. 3 or 4 songs, lost in swinging and changing his milky white skin to a light shade of strawberry and then a slightly brighter shade of pink. As I ran my nails along his skin, the white shone through briefly before the pink took back over... beautiful... I reached around and felt his cock, stiff under the lace. I caressed and felt it move beneath my fingertips, making my mouth water. 

I had him flip over while I moved between his legs and pushed his feet high into the air so I could take a look at his asshole and figure out the proper angle for the position I wanted to fuck him in… which was on his back like a little slut, legs spread and calves on my shoulders, ass exposed and cock available for sucking. I pulled off the lace panties and grabbed the squeeze bottle of lube, then dropped a dollop onto the head of the toy before having him pull his legs back and guiding it to the opening of his pink ass.

As the tip slid between his cheeks, he let out a small groan and a sigh… His cock was so hard while I slowly moved my hips, sliding in and out of his ass, I just had to touch it for it to leak. I rubbed some precum off the head and place my fingers on my tongue, tasting the sweetest part of him… delicious. Then I started to thrust and buck my hips into him, watching as my cock was eaten by his ass while his cock grew harder… I just had to suck it.

I popped the dildo out of the harness and started to fuck his ass with my mouth on his dick, sucking softly as I moved the cock in and out. His whole body quivered as the moans slipped out, moaning like a dirty whore. I started making mmhmm noises so he could cum down my throat. He released his load and I drank and drank, swallowing every drop. After the cum stopped flowing, I continued to suck on and tease the head of his overly sensitive cock until he giggled like a lil slut.

I slid the dildo out of his ass and rinsed it in the sink. I left it there for him to clean and put away. I placed the flogger back in the cabinet and the lube back in the drawer. Then I climbed onto the bed and cuddled and kissed him.

DID fun with Daddy

So one thing I don't type about a lot is my DID, or Dissociative Identity Disorder... it developed as a way to "save" me from the traumatizing childhood I had. Don't all the best super heroes have some kind of trauma or tragic back story? Well, that's me... all the things... so anyway, I have been trying some new things to be more present in my life. When one of my alters take over, I lose time, which I really don't like... For a while, I was working on integration through feeling my emotions and suppressing my urge to escape different scenarios and what I found is that my anxiety and depression started to get out of control... nothing seemed to be working as a viable solution for me to stay present, actively, every day.

In the last few weeks, my meditation has brought me to a space where I can really just allow my alters to share space... and when an experience is happening that one or some of my alters don't want to be apart of, we have a kind of back room in my mind that we can escape to... then, when the experience is over, the ones that stayed come to the door of the back room and open it to let us know it is safe and to share the experience so that no one is losing time... Everyone in my head was losing time from their lives... as weird as that sounds, our lives have become more cohesive and a lot more interesting.

One of the times that this happens the most is during playtime with Daddy... Sometimes, PapaBear likes to play hard and I was losing time during those heavier play time moments. With our new system, I can go to the other room and hang while he plays with my alters that really enjoy those times without the pain of the experience and then when it is over, and the back door opens, the memory of the experience flows into us and the after effects are felt by all. This is an awful lot of set up so that the stories I share moving forward make sense... We are Daphne, Jennifer, Foxy, Jenny, Jordan, and I/me.

The Slut, the Sadist, and the Slave

Making out with him is my favorite. He almost always lowers my guard with his soft sexy lips and the way his hands pet and caress my body... but cuddling always turns into more and he is such a slut. He always wants to fuck and when that fuckmonster comes out, the pounding that we take can be a little more than I can handle... so it caught me by surprise when he got close to my ear and said that he wanted to play with his slave... We looked at him and asked for clarification and he reiterated that he wanted to fuck his slave good... so I walked into the backroom, as did Jenny and Foxy who also don't like pain. Jordan mostly lives in the back room now... they are kinda done with society at the moment... so we all sat and chatted about the new flow. 

On the other side of the door....

Jennifer: Hi Master
Daddy: MMMMM, there's my little slave
Daphne: I'm here too fucker
Daddy: Hey Daphne
Daphne: Hahahahahaha
Daddy: Shut up Bitch, I wanna play with my slave...
Daphne: Hahahaha, sure Daddy.... hahahahaha
Jennifer: Thank you Master.
Daddy: Shhhhh, lil slave... grab your knees like a good girl so I can fuck you hard
Jennifer: Yes Master

PapaBear folded us in half as he started to grind his hips down hard, slamming us into the bed. His teeth found our cheek and he bit down, causing us to swoon. Mmmmm, lost in the feeling of his cock sliding in and hitting our cervix, pain and throbbing caused us to open up further, taking anything he wanted to give. 

Daphne: That's right Daddy, fuck that little fucking slut. Look at her, opening up for you and taking your big hard cock so deep. That's right slave, open up and take it like the good little slut you are.
Daddy: Yes, that's right. I'm gonna fuck my little whore.
Daphne: She's not even a whore, Daddy. She's a fucking slut for you... nasty little slut who would do anything you asked. Look at her...
Jennifer: Mmmhmm Master. Give it to me... I want you to fuck me so deep! Thank you for fucking me so deep Master. I belong to you.
Daphne: See!! little fucking slut
Daddy: Yes, my little slut... Do you want Master to fill you up?
Jennifer: Yes Master! Please fill me up! Please give me all your cum!
Daphne: fill that fucking slutty pussy with your cum. Turn this little slut into a creampuff Daddy! C'mon.

PapaBear thrusts a few more times and dumps his load into our pussy and then gets a paper towel so we can clean up. As we lay there, Daphne opens the door to the backroom.

Punishment Thursday

Establishing a pattern for reward and punishment is an important part of the way I play… it’s the kink that turns me on the most… so having this toy that will let me play my way is invaluable. I’m great at putting myself to the side to serve others, but not so great at making sure my own personal needs are met. As I write this, thinking on this event brings warm tingles to my pussy, sensitive tremors to my nipples, and a coolness to my face… it feels unreal, but I know it was real and not the ramblings of a mad woman…

I could tell he was excited and anxious to get to the punishment session by his messages. Asking what he should do to prepare… if there was anything he should know or be ready for… so I decided to tell him to be ready when I got there to go to dinner. To be ready meant showered and thoroughly cleaned for potential anal play, to choose a pair of darker lace panties, and to be fully dressed for dinner when I got there. I was timing my food through the day to make sure our dinner would fall in alignment with the way I have been eating lately, so it was important to me to have some food in front of me by 6:30pm to stay on track.

I’m glad he was so eager because his questions made me think of things from other angles… and while I knew my plan for the night, he had no clue… so his questions made sense, so when he said sorry for asking so many questions, I was reminded of another pet peeve of mine… inappropriate or useless sorries… so I told him I was going to place a punishment around sorries, at which point, he decided to be a smart ass and say sorry 3 extra times, with one being an eyelashes batting blushy sorry via fucking video, while I was still trying to determine the punishment structure… so I put them in their own category and gave each sorry a multiple of 3, lol… he was not expecting that at all, which made me giggle… gotta keep brats on their toes, in my opinion. Now he was up to 1 punishment from locking the door on me and 9 sorries… slightly less intense versus a traditional punishment and also made it to where I always choose the implement. Brat tamer engaged, lol…

The day was just crawling by… slowly… slowly… and then it was time to go. PapaBear had a date with his girlfriend, so he dropped me off on the way, which has become a normal flow for us due to Rope Thursdays. I wore a flowing skirt, a top with see through lace running through it, and some maroon 3 inch wedges. I climbed the stairs expecting to get to the door and see a well dressed man ready for dinner… instead, I walked in to his puppy having an accident and him running around bare ass naked… can we say punishment #2? I also ended up briefly seeing him get the panties on while I was assisting with the puppy and thought, well, my surprise is ruined… sigh… but at least I get to hit him again, lol… he apologized, which was warranted, so did not get any sorries, and finished getting ready for dinner.

I allowed him to get the doors for me here and there, knowing that it brings him joy to do little things for me. On our walk to the restaurant, he crossed in front of me and "sorry" slipped out of his mouth, making me giggle...that's 12 sorries so far, in such a short period of time, he had escalated to 2 punishments and 12 sorries without ever feeling one of my punishment swings. The level of power in that was making my pussy tingle, which felt really nice. He went to the front and tried to get us a table, but they were only taking reservations ... no worries for me, since I had planned my eating schedule really well. The second restaurant we went to only had a 20 minute wait so we decided to walk and chat and look through some of the nearby stores. Dinner was delicious and we took desert to go, so we would have something sweet to snack on during aftercare. My favorite part of the night was literally sitting across the table from him at dinner watching his expressions when I would say teasing things about the sorries or the punishments or the rest of the evening I had planned. 

As we got back to his place, I realized that we had skipped one of my planned activities because of the situation that caused punishment #2... oh, well... maybe another time... maybe never again, lol... Just the thought made me even more pleased that he had punishments for me to dole out. Anyway, walking into the room, I started to get naked and pulled lotion out of my bag. I then told him that I wanted a focused butt and leg massage. He dribbled cold lotion on my bum and started massaging my butt with his hands, then my hamstrings. As I was laying there enjoying the pressure, he changed it up and used his face to massage my body. Different pressure rolled across my body depending on if it was his chin or nose or forehead pressed against me. 

He shifted to my upper back after a little while cuz I requested the shift after he did so good with my butt and thighs. I am really into great pressure with my massages and most people just don't start off firm enough, but his pressure felt amazing. I turned my head and look up at him as he starts to lean in and I kiss his soft lips, covered in lotion. I could taste the lotion as we kissed, but its one of those paraben free aloe based lotions, so it didn't taste bad. We kissed a few more times and then I reminded him that he supposed to be massaging my back. He finished rubbing all the lotion in and I felt so relaxed and ready to step it up to the next phase.

I told him to strip off his clothes, all of them, even his panties. When you are getting punishment, you get to stand in front of me naked and bare, so that I may render your apologies from your flesh. Muahahahahaha... I asked if he wanted to use any of his reward points now that he can see the implements I chose and he declined... His eyes slightly down cast, like a good sub, ready for my tongue lashing. I inquired on what created the punishment and he was so nervous he couldn't bring it to mind. I reminded him about locking the car before I got to the handle and stopping me from wanting to do the things I want to do. Then I asked about the second punishment and again he was drawing a blank. How quickly he forgot that he was not ready to go to dinner when I got to his place, ruining my surprise and the first activity I had planned. How dare he not follow my instructions after asking me for them. How disrespectful! Then I had him lay on the bed, face down and leaned in really close to make sure I had clear consent before I swung the paddle... 

Foxy: Hey there, princess, before we take this next step, do you consent to me hitting you with this paddle... 

Princess: yes ma'am... 

Foxy: Do you consent to me hitting you with it as hard as I deem fit for you stopping me from doing what I want and you not listening to what I said... 

Princess: yes ma'am... 

Foxy: That's all the consent I need...

I held the wooden paddle with the holes, high, then swung down hard. His body tensed for a moment, then as it started to relax, I swung it the second time, same damn spot... that's what you get, fucking bratty princess... mmmmmm... then I got out one of his other toys for the sorries and quickly wapped him 12 times... way less intense than the paddle, but the paddle pain was still there for it to layer over. I leaned in and asked what he thought and he stated that he didn't like punishments... which made me laugh, cuz you aren't supposed to like getting punished... that's why they are punishments... they are meant to change behavior... He said he really liked Monday's playtime so much more and I explained that we can definitely play that way, but that is for a planned scene and funishments... not actual punishment for fucking up... 

It was such a release to feel the paddle smack into his ass... and the color that immediately popped was beautiful. Pink and almost crimson on his pasty pale skin... mmmm... I started to caress his ass, lightly petting the pink tones, then told him to roll over. Watching him roll over onto his newly marked ass made me giggle because I know how it feels to lay on a freshly beaten ass... once, he was “comfortable”, I commented on his cock being a little deflated, probably due to the pain... then I started to pet it and saw him start to get hard. I grabbed his ankles and pushed his legs into the air to check out his asshole. I then set his legs down and grabbed the butt plug and the lube, then set them on the bed next to me and had him help hold his legs in the air as I lubed up the plug and inserted it into his ass... he let out a little gasp and his cock became super hard, so I just had to put him in my mouth... as soon as my mouth touched his cock, he let out a moan like a little whore, which got me excited and I started to lick and tease and suck, while I lightly wiggled the plug with my finger... he kept moaning as I played and then I could feel his body getting ready to cum, so I started to fuck his cock with my mouth until he came 6 swallows worth of cum... mmmmmmm... the plug popped out as he was orgasming and I ended up taking it to the sink to clean before snuggling and kissing and petting and scritching him while he lay next to me.

After a little while, it was time to take me home, so we got in his truck and he drove me. We kissed and he headed home for the night. Walking into my bedroom, my PapaBear was waiting and calling me his little trophy slut. I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before hopping into bed. He started to kiss me and grope me and play with me, asking how it went. When I told him that I had swallowed 6 times during his load delivery, he said I was his little cum whore and his trophy cream puff, then his cream whore and that he was going to fuck me so good that he filled my other hole so I would be stuffed with cream from both ends. I orgasmed repeatedly as he had me repeat back to him that I was his cream whore and that I loved taking all the loads I could get, at which point he exploded inside me, claiming his trophy slut and foxy girl....mmmm... played with a slutty princess, then got fucked by my Fuckmonster... such a wonderful dream come to life...