Thursday, September 27, 2018
Thursday, September 20, 2018
My Twisted Head
My head is suddenly twisted... I am falling through my thoughts... trying to open the doors in my head and heart to be the best version of me... writing usually unlocks these for me, so here I am...
After an amazing rope session with my Sire, I got back home and suddenly felt sad and lost... maybe unfulfilled... my submissive side is craving a truly dominant influence now that my dominant side has been satiated through my control in my relationship with Sire... so I snuggled into my Daddy... knowing that I needed something, but not knowing what I needed at the time... I am only now able to articulate my feelings by sitting down and writing about it now, lol... that is so frustrating but also enlightening...
I told him that I needed Him and he choked me out... and that helped... a little with the tension that was building in my head... when I start fighting with myself, my migraines flair... but it wasn’t what I needed... and unfortunately, I don’t know what I need!! I just can’t figure it out and I am past frustrated with it...
Maybe I need a good beating or some orders to follow... maybe I need to beat some ass... maybe I wish my protective side would stay away cuz I am so safe that she isn’t needed.... maybe I just need to feel safe... that made my eyes tear up, so that’s a step in a direction... fuck...
After an amazing rope session with my Sire, I got back home and suddenly felt sad and lost... maybe unfulfilled... my submissive side is craving a truly dominant influence now that my dominant side has been satiated through my control in my relationship with Sire... so I snuggled into my Daddy... knowing that I needed something, but not knowing what I needed at the time... I am only now able to articulate my feelings by sitting down and writing about it now, lol... that is so frustrating but also enlightening...
I told him that I needed Him and he choked me out... and that helped... a little with the tension that was building in my head... when I start fighting with myself, my migraines flair... but it wasn’t what I needed... and unfortunately, I don’t know what I need!! I just can’t figure it out and I am past frustrated with it...
Maybe I need a good beating or some orders to follow... maybe I need to beat some ass... maybe I wish my protective side would stay away cuz I am so safe that she isn’t needed.... maybe I just need to feel safe... that made my eyes tear up, so that’s a step in a direction... fuck...
Monday, September 10, 2018
Memory lane
It’s so hard to live in the present right now... with the wonderful reminders that social media provides, I am walking down a memory lane from hell... 3 years ago, I watched my sons life come to a close... today, three years ago, is when I found out that my son was not going to make it... today was the day that I found out that we were out of viable options to save him... I spent the first 30 minutes of today crying...
But life keeps moving... a blessing and a curse... and I’ve got to dry my eyes, get my toys, and prepare myself to play with a bunch of freaky friends online... the life of a cam girl...
But life keeps moving... a blessing and a curse... and I’ve got to dry my eyes, get my toys, and prepare myself to play with a bunch of freaky friends online... the life of a cam girl...
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