Hooks

i am kind of excited because Master said He is going to get some hooks to install above the door frame in our room. He said i squirm too much when He is trying to play with me and He wants me to hold more still and the hooks will help. This is definitely closer to the bondage fantasy that i have. The thought of being tied up our tied down and then being flogged or cropped or whipped just makes me so hot.

i wonder if He has thought about putting eyelets at the bottom frame of the door too... maybe i should suggest it, lol...

Fox tail anyone?

So, last week, He busted out the fox tail... It had been so long since it was last inserted and it felt much bigger than i remember. Due to the struggle i had with it, Master stated that Wednesday nights will now be fox tail nights. He loves seeing me with the tail in and i love having it in... just makes tasks more difficult. i'm not used to doing things with a plug in, so a plug with a tail... ugh and ooh at the same time.

Losing the Mask

Since my last posting, Master and i have gotten back to where we were before all of the craziness that sometimes distracts us from what truly makes us happy, TTWD. It has been really hard these last few weeks for me to fully submit and for Him and that makes it harder for Him to dominate. He doesn't really like to dominate me when i am being a pain in the ass... and i don't blame Him... i wouldn't want to dominate me either...lol...

That leads my mind to the next important topic, which is, how do i get back into the submissive mindset when i return home from work, where i have to put on my brave face and be more dominant than i like. i notified Master of this conundrum and He told me to figure it out... He personally thinks i should be the same person everywhere i go, but if i am passive and submissive at work, i will get walked on...

After lots of blog research (what i do when i'm stuck), it looks like we may need to add something in so I can get back to myself... maybe maintenance spankings or a mindful moment or something like that.

Any suggestions?

To bend or not to bend...

This blog, written by lil at http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com  recently opened my eyes. Pop! They just opened right up as i was reading it. The particular posting that provided me with an epiphany today waswritten 9/16 and called "A Willful Disregard of Sense, or, Who's Really in Charge Around Here?"

Oh my goodness! It was just what i needed to read... just the message... am i all in? If i am, can He really take advantage of me? Can He demand too much of me? Can i really demand anything of Him?

After reading this post, my perspective has changed and the answer is... no... no He can't.... and i need to stop being bothered by that fact because of years of conditioning and bull crap... if this... TTWD... makes us both happy in or ways... then what is the problem...

The problem is in the bend... i have learned that i do not like to bend and it makes me uncomfortable... time to get over it... move on... be happy...

The Switch

Sometimes, i struggle a lot with TTWD. Lately, i have been struggling a ton more than normal. i try not to complain, but one of the hardest aspects of our world is that i work and He stays at home. i work all day long, then have to switch from a know-it-all, type A personality, back into my submissive, laid back personality.

i have needed to develop the strong personality because of the work i do, but if i didn't have to pull that mask on, i would feel tons better. When i come home and He has done very little around the house, it drives me bananas... especially when i step up and make dinner, get the kids situated, do dishes, etc...

It makes me feel like a doormat... maybe i ama doormat, but my brain hasn't figured it out yet...

Do doormats have brains?

...

Hand full of crap...

my mind is tired. my heart is tired. i am tired...
Being sick sucks... Being sick while trying to please another sucks more... even though my Master is not dominating, i had to take a step back and remember that just because His dominance is not the way i like it doesn't mean He doesn't love or crave ttwd...

i just wished that i understood what was going on in His brain....i also wished that His version of dominance and mine were the same thing... Lol, you know what they say... wish in one hand and crap in another and see which fills quicker...

Spankins... really?!

This is kind of funny because my Master has lately been threatening spankings... but i haven't been getting them. i have learned that i can get out of it if i play with Him instead and if i am extra sexy, lol... just shake my sexy butt around and He is like what... well, I was going to give you spankins with a belt, but now, I want a deep bj... hahaha... i'll take that punishment any day...