Well... I had a shit ton of experiences to type about and share in here and I let too much time pass and now I can't trust that I will detail them well enough for my liking to refer back to...I was suffering migraines pretty bad... my job that included staring at 3 monitors of information 40 hours a week was causing my brain to liquidate, I think. I finally made a big enough error in reporting my attendance that the company let me go... surprised the fuck out of me... top 5%, customer service score of 5 out of 5 (unheard of), and 100% call quality 4 months straight... but companies are companies and rules are rules... Best benefit of being fired? No migraines have happened since I left :)
So what did I start doing again? That's right, camming!! I really love it too! Its a lot of fun and I get to play around with fun stories and create an imaginary alter ego life that allows my creative writer juices to be used. I think I may also use this time to finally write an actual book... maybe something about my life... maybe something fictitious... I guess I will get to see...
Before I move forward though, I did want to capture notes I left for myself on a written notepad from 10/11/23.
- I found a Babygirl for a minute... the connection really helped me define what I am looking for even though she found someone else and I found out through a social media post... I had so much fun going to the resort and being pampered. In the end, her man, linked in through vid chat, was kinda obtuse and a bit disrespectful in my opinion. Kinda made me feel like a whore, being bought with a nice resort and a fancy meal. All together though, a brief little whirlwind of fun... We even got to play at Princess's house on his bed.
- I still have my Princess, although I am probably going to start calling him Cutie from now on. As my mind shifted to this new me, I lost the taste for him in panties. I think it is because I find the thrill in making dominant men wear panties and he is my submissive, so it’s too easy to get him to do it, lol. I did give him a taste of exhibitionism at my house, stripping him down on the couch facing away from the others in the room, who all left right before I started beating him so he thought they were watching when they weren't. A nice little mind fuck I thoroughly enjoyed. The extra anxiety and excitement at others being there to watch him get played with. We also fucked at his house and tried fucking at my house, with my Daddy Bear watching... lol... I definitely prefer him as a cum dispenser ;p
- Cutie brought a Kitten into our lives that has been a lot of fun to play with. She lets me beat her ass good and hard and lets Daddy Bear fuck her in the ass as well. We have been able to enjoy threesomes and other fun times.
- Sire popped back up, like he does... I couldn't even remember everything around our last contact because I was Foxy then and I am Jennifer now and the information just wasn't available. Got back into therapy and my singularity dissolved back into the mess of DID and I remembered everything and blocked him on my phone so he cannot reach out to me again.
- My DaddyBear has stayed by my side through everything. He is doing well and I have really enjoyed watching his relationship with the Phoenix grow and blossom. They have only had one rough spot in the last 3 years… their connection gives me hope that I will find the one I am looking for to spend more of my life with.
- DID has been a fucking struggle with a lot of progress and I am finally seeing a light at the end of a tunnel, I think... I was able to get enraged and not lose myself to Daphne just this last week. I could hear her thoughts on how to handle the situation and acknowledge them without them taking over... without her taking over and shattering things and feelings... this is progress. I could hear Foxy's sadness at losing her best friend without actually knowing what the fuck happened and acknowledge the feeling without her people pleasing side coming out to make everything all better... to live in the suck that was created instead of letting well defined boundaries be trampled, hurting myself in the long run to make things feel better now... it fucking hurts in other ways that will be short term, but painful nonetheless... this is progress. I am still losing myself to Jenny sometimes during sexy time with Daddy Bear, but I think it's cuz I still have some trauma to work through with my little to give her back her voice, silenced by sexual abuse. Even just being able to recognize and define this is progress. Jordyn is here and I can hear their quiet appreciation for beautiful women and the thoughts of handy improvements that can be done around the house. I kinda wish that Jordyn would take over and get all this work done, but I am grateful that I can hear what needs to get done. Usually, I can't hear Jordyn at all, so this is progress.
Alright... I think that catches us up to today... for the most part anyway.
