Friday, June 8, 2018

The boy

There is this boy who has recently stepped up his game and is sending me pics... they are almost exactly what I am looking for... still waiting to officially own because proof and consistency over time is required... gotta make sure they are in it, all of it, for the long haul... but this one sure is promising

Friday, June 1, 2018

Light Enough

Everything around me keeps falling through
It’s like the universe is laughing at me
Testing me to see if I am ready for my next level
Tempting me again to flee.

I’m standing at this precipice
With my arms opened so wide
Crying, reaching, grasping for more love
To fill a gaping hole left inside.

Nothing is wrong at reaching for more love
Especially when you can share it with another
I’m carefully crafting my life to ensure
I also remain a good mother.

My life is so different
Than what I thought it was going to be
I was supposed to live in Holland
But a free pass for Paris came to me.

And when I say free, I paid,
I paid with the tears I continue to randomly cry
But hey, freedom is freedom, right?
But what if I’m not light enough yet to fly?




The Doctor

Sitting here... contemplating what it will finally be like to meet him... we have been texting each other for a month... and not just here and there, but every day... even while he was on vacation and when he was working in another state... it feels real... I have my fingers crossed that it is just as real in person. I’ll have to write about it when it happens.

He was there in support through a couple of bigger things in my life over this last month, which was a great thing to see. Also, when things didn’t seem to align, he continued to message back and forth with me until it was resolved. I enjoy a person who is not willing to give up so easily.

I just keep asking the universe for a man who wants to help take care of me and my family and is okay with my Daddy’s role in my life. He supports and protects me and wants to be a part of everything in my life, at least to some degree... especially when it comes to first experiences.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Transitions

It’s hard to continue typing and sharing during times of transition... people coming in and out of my life right now... waiting to see which ones stick. I shall continue to hold true to myself and what I want. I will continue to focus on my heart and creating the life I want. The right people will fall into place. I have to trust that.... I have to trust that the universe will give me the puzzle pieces I am looking for... only time will tell.

Monday, May 28, 2018

These bois!

As a slave, one thing I didn’t really do was question my Master... I learned really early on that I should just listen and do what he told me to do as everything would be much smoother... I am noticing that even when I am being sought out to give direction, my direction is not followed and is even questioned... I don’t give a flying fuck if you’ve never done that before... if you belong to me and it isn’t a hard limit, just fucking listen and do what I want... or stop seeking my domination...  I am wanting to meet in person, but already know that I won’t be meeting up with those that can’t even follow basic instructions... these bois... lol

Friday, May 25, 2018

Get me wet... ahem, I mean make my pussy tingle

Met up with a good friend of mine yesterday in the early a.m... this man is getting me addicted to his energy. He is teaching me about the value of my service through gifts of money, which actually makes my pussy feel all tingly... I never knew how turned on money or things could make me because I have had a broke mindset for a while now based on my own limited beliefs... I was so used to getting scraps that I didn’t understand that another option was available and I actually had a lot of negative feelings about money...  now that I have an overflowing abundance of income, I am starting to experience the joys that come with abundance.

I deserve all the best things in life, especially joy and abundance, and I am already starting to meet others who agree and have the means to help me while I continue to build my own business and fortune so I can have the extra now and still provide for my family.

He is also teaching me that my level of service and the giving I provide is so powerful and rare... the understanding that I co-create the dominant energy within him based on my submissive offering is intoxicating and is also helping me understand how my energy flow affects those around me. He is helping me escape the belief that liking to do things for others is only a submissive trait... As an Alpha or Domme, I should want to protect and serve those in my care, so caring doesn’t equal submission... This knowledge is huge and has created a shift in my awareness and understanding of myself.

What if I use all of my knowledge, power, compassion, and strength to focus and create everything I want in life through dominance instead of submission? This was a thought I had not explored until recently and I am really happy I am exploring this path. Thinking about gifting someone with my service after I have used them the way I want makes my pussy tingle... interesting aside... submitting through acts of service alone no longer does that for me, which is new.

He gives me rope, which we all know that I enjoy. I am going to say that rope hasn’t made my pussy tingle in a long time. It is more of a mental quieter or meditation practice for me now... and yesterday, he gave me pain upon my request as I am wanting to work on building a tolerance while also learning how to build a tolerance within someone else. I always find that the best way to learn something is to do it myself first. I will say that the pain did not tingle my pussy at all. It actually made my pussy want to shrivel up and die... lol, but I will experience this to understand what I will be doing to my future sweeties! So what did we do... well... I’ll leave that to your imagination this time... let’s just say that my whole body hurts today, lol... but it hurts soooooo good.

On a side note, on this path of exploration, I’ll be keeping track of the things that actually make my pussy get tingly and excited... I can no longer use getting wet as a gauge because my Daddy has trained my pussy to always be wet, lol.

List of Pussy Tingling Things so far:
Professional men in lacy panties (secret sissies are causing me to create a lil personal porn stash)
CBT that causes giggles during POT
Provide service to my used sweetie pies
Money
Getting random presents in the mail that I can show off
Getting play markings that I can show off
Words
Being taken care before anyone else

Monday, May 21, 2018

Something New

Being me is really very interesting because I can see and experience things from many different angles... last night was an amazing new adventure. I tried to go on a date, lol, with this gentleman... let’s call him The Hat. We tried to meet up at a nearby sports bar, but it was closed for a private party... so then, we went to a Starbucks nearby and it was also closed! He seemed nice enough and we had been chatting, so I invited myself to his place to hang out and chat. He treated me right, opened the door for me, smoked me out, and let me do my thing...

Can I just say that I love giving blow jobs, especially when I am stoned... I am very orally fixated... and I just go to town... and he loved it... praises rained down on me as I took care of him... it was amazing... I have a feeling we will play again and again...

The conversation was fun and delightful. He asked me how I could be so easy and affectionate and made me giggle about an easy “pill”... it was a clear space without drama or responsibilities or a care in the world... it gave me that taste of peace that I crave... now I know the feeling I am pushing for... looking forward to seeing The Hat again 😁