Roller coaster

I'm feeling sick today, so apparently, it is time for me to write and process through my feelings... these last couple of days , I have been in full review of my past so I can get through some more pain, which is at the route of my illness... at least, hat is my belief based on my newest personal development literature... healing within our hearts is enabled through unconditional love... and when that internal healing isn't occurring, then we get sick, escalate headaches, and create maladies within our own minds...

So, that being said, I am trying to solve my neurosis... I originally found this pain and anger when I was reading through October of 2015s postings... and at that time, I called out for healing... and my rollercoaster continues... I go up and down on this path to healing over the last year and a half... when in reality, everything around me is what I have created based on the energy I was putting out...

He just tells me to be happy... to find the thing that makes me happy and to do that... what does that even mean... I'm just tired of fighting again and I want things to be easy... but they aren't... they won't be... I won't let them be, I guess... since I'm the one in charge of it all... since I create my reality...

I want to struggle so I continue to create relationships of struggle. The princess no longer drives me insane. She's given up on trying because of every block i put in her way and will likely continue to throw up... figured out where that trick came from- looks like it is a mindset adjustment that backfired... need to sit down and review my processes again and make adjustments again and compartmentalize again... just the usual pain circle going on over here... you've seen it before if you are an avid reader of mine... just ignore it because it will get better again soon... it always does...