Waiting

Waiting... How funny that this page was already created, untitled, and waiting for me... Well, I am definitely going to explore an interesting topic because a lot has changed about me since 6/22.

I am currently experiencing what taking a break in relationships can look like from different angles and perspectives. From mine, taking a break sucks... I miss my loves... I miss my me time... I miss my play... I feel like I can try and go about it the right way, but what is the right way when you are experiencing life? Is there a right and wrong way to stop something that can be revisited once the rest of the shit settles?

I am finding that being a 24/7 consensual nonconsent slave in a polygamous situation is hard. Papa Bear wants to share me, but wants to make sure that he has an open line of communication (connection) with his metamours.

After talking with Papa Bear, this makes more sense because he wants to have at least brief interactions with anyone who plays with his toy (me)... For a while, I forgot that I was his slave, his property, his toy and that he gave permission for others to play with me who deserved and asked for it. For a few months, I thought that I was the leader... I felt like I knew what I was doing...

And then I remembered today... I don't like that role in life. I don't like to make decisions and I don't want to be in charge. I stumbled as we often do when we are trying new things, but my stumbles have hurt people that I love... So what do I do?

I apologize and try to look at different perspectives. I learn from my mistakes. I follow and/or develop a plan and do it.

I hope they can forgive me... We all fuck up sometimes, even I am human...

I wait because only time can heal wounds that were unintentionally inflicted... I am hurting those I love, including myself... But I had to pull off the big girl panties and be the dirty little slave I truly am inside.
I had to be me again. The one that takes charge and makes demands and is a bratty little girl... That isn't me...

Besides... Whores don't wear panties, especially not the big girl kind, lol...

So I wait...