Putting Him first

i am having an interesting situation right now with my slavery. It is not that i have an issue with my Master or His techniques, but i am truly struggling to get back to the place where my slavery is at the top of my list. Recently, i have been listening to some interesting audio books that are transformational in essence. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill have left me a changed woman who lives for every second of everyday.

Master is not there yet so i get a little frustrated at times. This frustration is with myself because i am noticing how easy it is to go out of my way to help and please others, but i don't always do that for Him... Which sounds crazy, right?! Wouldn't it be easier for me to bend over backwards to help my King and the one who owns my heart and life? Shouldn't i be able to put all else to the side and think of His present state and ways i can keep us both living there? The hardest thing i am finding is that i need to let everything go outside of the current moment.

i think about now because it is all we have. If i am truly focused on this moment now, i don't need babying, praise, or direction. If i am focused on now, i anticipate His needs, complete requests with a joyful heart, and try my best to be the best version of me that i give the rest  the world on a daily basis. i am full of light and love, but i really want to focus on exuding that light and that love to everyone i come in contact with every minute of the day.

Foxy photo shoot

So, i get this message from Daddy that He wants me to get my tail in and corset on before He came home, and my ears on/ hair done after so we could play... After the kids go to bed, of course... So i put in my tail and on my corset after putting the kids to bed. Then i had to do some other chores and as i walked around with the tail in, i started to get a light headed feeling... Which made me recall that we had not played this way for a little while. When Daddy came home, He was very pleased to see His corseted fox getting His dinner ready.

While He ate dinner and we watched The Walking Dead, i sat with my head in his lap as His hand caressed my side and tugged my tail occasionally. We then went to the room, so i pulled my hair into pigtails and put on my ears for play time. He then told me to get on the bed and to be sexy for the camera! Yay! A photo shoot!!

So much fun!

Getting back to myself

So, my son seems to be settled down, so i now have time to journal in here again. My journal is still going to include a lot about my BDSM, my new spiritual awakening, and anything else i want to write in here, lol...

So Daddy and i have changed our nutrition plan, which has given Him so much more energy. Last night, He decimated my ass for hours, or so it seemed... We have mostly just been fighting through the situation with my son, so now that it is starting to get settled, hopefully we can pick back up where we left off.

After a solid conversation last night, i know that i can be better as His slave and i need to refocus on that again. During our high crisis times, the power exchange is still there, but punishments go by the way side and bad behavior is normally excused or ignored. i am definitely grateful that my Daddy allows me to be a crazy mom when i need to be one.

Now to memorize my rules again, lol...

A journey...

The last couple of weeks have been a real rollercoaster ride for me because of so many different personal things. My son's issues have not gotten better, but i feel as though i have gotten better about handling them. i have also lost quite a bit of weight and focused tremendously on developing a more positive mindset... And you know what i figured out...

i figured out that i am worth the hard work and patience that i give to everyone else. i should expect that same behavior from myself as well...

i figured out that i can and love to run! Running makes every cell in my body feel alive, almost as much as a good thuddy flogging! And when i am done, i get weak in the knees because i pushed and i drink so much water, but i feel pride. Pride in myself.

i figured out that it is okay to feel... To really feel emotions deep down in my core... In the core of my being and the depths of my soul. i do not have to be a robot... i can feel sorrow, pain,  frustration, anger... But only for a minute or 2... More than that, and i wallow in it like a pig in mud... But if i stop and change my perception and find that silver lining, then i will still feel amazing and in control of myself.

i figured out that i love and cherish Papa Bear and enjoy so many things about our relationship and partnership. i found that He helps meet needs that i have deep down inside. Needs that i didn't even know about. Dark and dirty needs that can only be met with His hands on me, pulling and pinching and grabbing and smacking... Could not imagine a life without His cock in my mouth... i know that i could survive without Him if i had to, but i am willing to fight tooth and nail to stay by His side until i leave this Earth...

Lastly, i figured out that i am truly affected by the things i put into my body. The food i eat, the shows i watch, the music i listen to, the books i read, the effort i exert... All of these things dramatically affect me... Directly change who i am... Sometimes i feel like those candy bugs on Wreck It Ralph... i become whatever i consume as long as it makes sense to my inner core.

i feel like i started on a kick to get healthier and instead, i really started on a spiritual journey to find myself...