Spiral

The depression in my life is real right now... it isn't this burst of tears that I was feeling and having randomly before... it is a whole and complete apathy for life and all that it encompasses...

I remember these feelings... I remember this soul sucking hole... I remember that if I wait, it too will pass... nothing feels right... the thought of rope seems repulsive in this state...

My heart is bleeding out at the most unfortunate time as I have some business expenses coming up... I know it will all work out because everything works out for me eventually... right? I mean, this lil life of mine has had a lot of roller coaster in it.... and it is all the uphill battle right now... I can't wait until I reach the top and an able to just enjoy the fucking ride again...

9 years ago today, I was preparing to bring in the lil angel who changed my life, made me grow, and left me too early in his lil life... life is hard... I don't care what anyone says... it is a bitch... and it is bleeding me dry... I think that is why no one makes it out alive...