The Deterioration of a Slave

Man!!!!!!! It has been sooooooo long again... it feels like. When I took a look back through the posts, I can see what happened... Life got really really hard for a moment and I wanted to stop recording it down so I didn't get dragged through the emotions of it all again later... when I obsessively re-read my life... looking for clues to how I could make it better... how I fucked things up before... how to grow so that I don't make the same mistakes...

In a nutshell... I have changed again... I am in control of the thoughts I let come through... I am in control of the thoughts I put emotion behind... and if I am in control, then I don't really need a Master to be in charge of me... and then I had to stop and breathe and analyze why I created an M/s dynamic in my marriage and relationship all those years ago and determine if that was truly what I am still looking for in my household.

We make the decisions that we make based on the knowledge we have at the time... at the time, I knew that our lil head butting wasn't going to work with my son's illness... two alpha dominant personalities + severe issues = ended marriages from what I could see... so i found a way to submit to my PapaBear and requested that he dominate me, even though he continued to tell me it wasn't his thing... we changed for each other to make it through the war of a lifetime... and then the war ended and the drama stopped and the curtain closed on that chapter...

Standing, left here after the deterioration of my slave mentality, I see how necessary it was at the time and how unnecessary it is now. I was the Alpha before all of this and I can step up the rest of the way and be the Alpha again. Finding my motivations every day and writing again... whoooooo!!! Now that the back story is out of the way, lets get to the fun!! Life is feeling good and everything is finally progressing forward... but only now that I allow myself to take those steps... only now as I unlock the chains I placed on my own feet for a King who has always wanted to treat me like the Goddess that I truly am... mmmmm... and dear god do I have a lot of stories to share... I mean, that's what happens when you start on a new path within yourself, right?