Shifting to a slave

Losing my mind again... too many things happening inside my brain at once and the migraines have been unbearable. Thank goodness for weed and medication to help get it under control. I feel myself changing again... shifting... my mind is open to change... and in the current capacity of being 5 full personalities, my brain is ripping apart, so if it doesn’t solve soon, I don’t know how long I’ll be functioning… 

Daphne was the first one to walk out the door... she declared that we are safe in the current life situation. She promised that she would be listening like always, but is confident that we are well supported and well loved. As my protector, it is lovely to have her blessing on my current lifestyle and selections around the people in my life.

Jenny quickly followed as my little side feels most comfortable with Daphne… she doesn’t talk, but she just kinda curtsied and walked through the door as well… it looked like she ran to catch up and they joined hands before the door closed…

Then there were 3… Foxy, Jennifer, and me… now, me… I can’t leave… I’m always here… core personality that keeps the lights on and the breath happening type of thing… and Foxy and Jennifer can’t coexist…Foxy is sunshine personified with a high level of promiscuity and disregard for the rules and Jennifer is chill with a somber mood that only has eyes for PapaBear and follows rules to the letter…

We chatted with PapaBear about it and he really misses his slave… like really misses her… and while foxy is fun, she is no one’s slave, so she walked out the door as well. 

So here we are… Jennifer and me… and the contract that we wrote in 2015… implementation of that has begun and I got a spanking this morning with a holed paddle for not communicating with him when I was supposed to… 

The punishment today was different than I remember… he never seemed interested in punishments before, just kinda doled them out… but over the years, he has gained an interest in providing the teaching moment… the lecturing was more focused… his attention just felt different… and then the paddle swung….

Crack!!!!

The pain, boy howdy, the pain was intense and I screamed and jumped away. Then I heard his voice and I rolled back to him crying and shaking in his arms as he soothed me. I could feel his hands caressing the skin around where the paddle hit… He was so gentle and when I asked if he was going to play with the marks, he said he wouldn’t cuz he knows it’s painful. Moments before, he said he has been itching to play with a paddled butt due to the paddling he gives to one of our platonic friends, so I asked him to please play with the marks. It actually helped to make it feel better…

Then he kissed and licked my marks and told me to move to the other side of the bed. He then started to use his slave’s pussy and ass. I couldn’t take his cock in my ass all the way, it’s so big, but I did my best. As he pumped my pussy with his cock, I felt myself getting wet… then he said my trigger word and I orgasmed all over his cock. So juicy and slippery… next, he moved me into a split legged position that buries his cock as deep as it can get, which is a bit much for me, but my Master gives me everything I deserve… he then flattened me out and went flat doggy style until he exploded… satisfied and spent, I left him on the bed as I hopped into the shower to clean his dirty girl.

1 Chance

 After ending the dynamic, he asked for another chance... and honestly, I really had to think on it. He hadn't hit any hard limits, but I am also looking for a submissive that naturally serves me and wants to take care of me... not just another boy friend putting in low key effort that gets to play with me... 

When I asked him why a dynamic instead of a friendship, he said it was because he wanted the closest connection possible and that he had just lost his focus and would like another chance... so I decided on 1 more chance... now without any points or rewards... still with activities to do and lists of things I like and don't like, lol... and the effort has definitely improved. I've only had to beat him once for bratty behavior... 

I'm really enjoying having things be about me... what I like, what I want, what intrigues me... I'm learning to use my voice and he is already used to my looks... I feel like, with one look, I can cease a behavior and cause him to get the silliest look on his face and with another look, I can melt him in my mouth, I mean my hands, lol. I am also enjoying the pampering... oh the pampering... I've always been the one that takes care of everyone else... it feels so good to be taken care of.

Pre - 90 Day Review

I am a little late on my 90 day review of the sub I have been reviewing... to be fair, migraines have kind of fucked me up... and there was also a minimal break period during the consideration period as well due a disconnect in expectations and attention to detail... but it's really just a structure of my design so it really only matters to me that I am a little behind on my timelines, lol... I digress...

The implementation of the new layer of activities and rewards, shifted things a little. Princess was racking up the points and hitting all of the self care points that were available. I had built in new points around walking the dog and cleaning up the house and he was smashing those out of the park. I don't have a lot of things I require, so I placed points around massaging me as well. 

Only one big annoyance for me happened with the door to his vehicle... this is gonna sound silly, but small things matter... and if I am going to be the Domme, then I really want to be heard and for my wishes to be followed... I think it is cute when someone gets the door for me if it is in the natural flow of their life and sometimes, even when someone goes out of their way to get the door for me... but if I get to my door and have to wait for you to unlock the door or for you to get to the door to open it for me, then who is really in control of the situation? Not me... and I shared this sentiment a couple of different ways and then very plainly got frustrated by it and laid it out, to which the response was that he just wouldn't get the door anymore, then lost focus on me for the rest of the evening...  I am used to this "shut down" technique and am not fond of it. I just want to be heard and to have things adjust to what I am asking for... It was around this same time that Princess asked how I could be more satisfied with our dynamic, and I totally lost my shit, lol...

I was so pissed about being asked how I could feel more satisfied... For one, I had a set day for review at the 90 day mark... I feel like everything with me is a test and I am always "collecting data" for my social experiment... so to ask me for that type of assessment almost a month early felt like another way he was controlling the situation, which didn't look great due to the car door situation... Secondly, I had provided a list of things that could be done to bring me satisfaction... it wasn't a big list, but it was there... 

So, taking a look at the data early, I determined that the dynamic should end. Princess lost focus on me and focused instead on earning all the points... lol... this created an interesting dynamic as the activities on the list that were more focused on me had lower point volumes, so by choosing to get the higher point activities, Princess was failing the test... What I want is more important than what you can get... I still wanted to be friends and still wanted to play from time to time as he is a solid cum dispenser, but not a full D/s dynamic. I ended up leaving early that day, to give him time to process... thankfully, I had gotten a tummy full of cum from using him before we had the conversations. 

Consideration Review Tomorrow

Ahhhh!! I’m fucking stoked! My new sub has been doing great during our 30 days of consideration. We’ve had 3 punishments and 3 reward days and all have been so fun for me. Today ends that period and I am soo happy to ask that he be mine. He has already provided me with his consent… yay!!  

Tomorrow will be the actual review… so one may ask, what’s on the agenda?

First, there will be rope.

Then, my laptop will come out so we can update the questionnaire, review the current tasks, potentially add additional tasks, review the point structure on the rewards, and add more rewards to earn.

He will be ready with 7 new rewards suggestions, to discuss tasks and any changes he would like to see, and to review the points set on the current 10 rewards and his thoughts on those rewards so far.

He said his consideration of me ended before we even played together, which I find amusing. I recommend that both Doms and subs take a new play partner under consideration for at least 30 days to make sure your play styles match. I also have a 90 day opt out scheduled… After that, I won’t ask again… 

Smile - Migraine Poetry

Smile… 
even when it hurts… 
even when it’s dark… 
even when you want to gouge your eyes out so your brain will stop hurting as the light seeps in… 
Smile… 
the hurt will go… 
the dark will illuminate… 
leave your eyes so when the pain stops you can see… 

Smile.

1st Reward for Princess

My new princess has been so pleasing to me. He follows instruction well, has been racking up the reward points and has not picked up any new punishments outside of doing 5 minutes of HIIT work. I enjoyed receiving his video doing the 5 different workouts for me. He has been earning the reward points everyday and it came time to cash them in.

He told me that he was wanting to spend 70 points, and I knew that he wanted a pegging since he has been talking about it since our first punishment/reward day where he didn't quite have the points for it, so he decided to save his points for the next opportunity. Based on the list of rewards and points, that means that he was wanting a pegging and a flogging session. I looked in his cupboard of toys and pulled out his flogger and then reviewed the dildos on the counter and selected one. I also got the lube and adjusted my harness.

I had him leave on his lace panties for the flogging. The music was already on and the beat was perfect for a session. 3 or 4 songs, lost in swinging and changing his milky white skin to a light shade of strawberry and then a slightly brighter shade of pink. As I ran my nails along his skin, the white shone through briefly before the pink took back over... beautiful... I reached around and felt his cock, stiff under the lace. I caressed and felt it move beneath my fingertips, making my mouth water. 

I had him flip over while I moved between his legs and pushed his feet high into the air so I could take a look at his asshole and figure out the proper angle for the position I wanted to fuck him in… which was on his back like a little slut, legs spread and calves on my shoulders, ass exposed and cock available for sucking. I pulled off the lace panties and grabbed the squeeze bottle of lube, then dropped a dollop onto the head of the toy before having him pull his legs back and guiding it to the opening of his pink ass.

As the tip slid between his cheeks, he let out a small groan and a sigh… His cock was so hard while I slowly moved my hips, sliding in and out of his ass, I just had to touch it for it to leak. I rubbed some precum off the head and place my fingers on my tongue, tasting the sweetest part of him… delicious. Then I started to thrust and buck my hips into him, watching as my cock was eaten by his ass while his cock grew harder… I just had to suck it.

I popped the dildo out of the harness and started to fuck his ass with my mouth on his dick, sucking softly as I moved the cock in and out. His whole body quivered as the moans slipped out, moaning like a dirty whore. I started making mmhmm noises so he could cum down my throat. He released his load and I drank and drank, swallowing every drop. After the cum stopped flowing, I continued to suck on and tease the head of his overly sensitive cock until he giggled like a lil slut.

I slid the dildo out of his ass and rinsed it in the sink. I left it there for him to clean and put away. I placed the flogger back in the cabinet and the lube back in the drawer. Then I climbed onto the bed and cuddled and kissed him.

DID fun with Daddy

So one thing I don't type about a lot is my DID, or Dissociative Identity Disorder... it developed as a way to "save" me from the traumatizing childhood I had. Don't all the best super heroes have some kind of trauma or tragic back story? Well, that's me... all the things... so anyway, I have been trying some new things to be more present in my life. When one of my alters take over, I lose time, which I really don't like... For a while, I was working on integration through feeling my emotions and suppressing my urge to escape different scenarios and what I found is that my anxiety and depression started to get out of control... nothing seemed to be working as a viable solution for me to stay present, actively, every day.

In the last few weeks, my meditation has brought me to a space where I can really just allow my alters to share space... and when an experience is happening that one or some of my alters don't want to be apart of, we have a kind of back room in my mind that we can escape to... then, when the experience is over, the ones that stayed come to the door of the back room and open it to let us know it is safe and to share the experience so that no one is losing time... Everyone in my head was losing time from their lives... as weird as that sounds, our lives have become more cohesive and a lot more interesting.

One of the times that this happens the most is during playtime with Daddy... Sometimes, PapaBear likes to play hard and I was losing time during those heavier play time moments. With our new system, I can go to the other room and hang while he plays with my alters that really enjoy those times without the pain of the experience and then when it is over, and the back door opens, the memory of the experience flows into us and the after effects are felt by all. This is an awful lot of set up so that the stories I share moving forward make sense... We are Daphne, Jennifer, Foxy, Jenny, Jordan, and I/me.

The Slut, the Sadist, and the Slave

Making out with him is my favorite. He almost always lowers my guard with his soft sexy lips and the way his hands pet and caress my body... but cuddling always turns into more and he is such a slut. He always wants to fuck and when that fuckmonster comes out, the pounding that we take can be a little more than I can handle... so it caught me by surprise when he got close to my ear and said that he wanted to play with his slave... We looked at him and asked for clarification and he reiterated that he wanted to fuck his slave good... so I walked into the backroom, as did Jenny and Foxy who also don't like pain. Jordan mostly lives in the back room now... they are kinda done with society at the moment... so we all sat and chatted about the new flow. 

On the other side of the door....

Jennifer: Hi Master
Daddy: MMMMM, there's my little slave
Daphne: I'm here too fucker
Daddy: Hey Daphne
Daphne: Hahahahahaha
Daddy: Shut up Bitch, I wanna play with my slave...
Daphne: Hahahaha, sure Daddy.... hahahahaha
Jennifer: Thank you Master.
Daddy: Shhhhh, lil slave... grab your knees like a good girl so I can fuck you hard
Jennifer: Yes Master

PapaBear folded us in half as he started to grind his hips down hard, slamming us into the bed. His teeth found our cheek and he bit down, causing us to swoon. Mmmmm, lost in the feeling of his cock sliding in and hitting our cervix, pain and throbbing caused us to open up further, taking anything he wanted to give. 

Daphne: That's right Daddy, fuck that little fucking slut. Look at her, opening up for you and taking your big hard cock so deep. That's right slave, open up and take it like the good little slut you are.
Daddy: Yes, that's right. I'm gonna fuck my little whore.
Daphne: She's not even a whore, Daddy. She's a fucking slut for you... nasty little slut who would do anything you asked. Look at her...
Jennifer: Mmmhmm Master. Give it to me... I want you to fuck me so deep! Thank you for fucking me so deep Master. I belong to you.
Daphne: See!! little fucking slut
Daddy: Yes, my little slut... Do you want Master to fill you up?
Jennifer: Yes Master! Please fill me up! Please give me all your cum!
Daphne: fill that fucking slutty pussy with your cum. Turn this little slut into a creampuff Daddy! C'mon.

PapaBear thrusts a few more times and dumps his load into our pussy and then gets a paper towel so we can clean up. As we lay there, Daphne opens the door to the backroom.

Punishment Thursday

Establishing a pattern for reward and punishment is an important part of the way I play… it’s the kink that turns me on the most… so having this toy that will let me play my way is invaluable. I’m great at putting myself to the side to serve others, but not so great at making sure my own personal needs are met. As I write this, thinking on this event brings warm tingles to my pussy, sensitive tremors to my nipples, and a coolness to my face… it feels unreal, but I know it was real and not the ramblings of a mad woman…

I could tell he was excited and anxious to get to the punishment session by his messages. Asking what he should do to prepare… if there was anything he should know or be ready for… so I decided to tell him to be ready when I got there to go to dinner. To be ready meant showered and thoroughly cleaned for potential anal play, to choose a pair of darker lace panties, and to be fully dressed for dinner when I got there. I was timing my food through the day to make sure our dinner would fall in alignment with the way I have been eating lately, so it was important to me to have some food in front of me by 6:30pm to stay on track.

I’m glad he was so eager because his questions made me think of things from other angles… and while I knew my plan for the night, he had no clue… so his questions made sense, so when he said sorry for asking so many questions, I was reminded of another pet peeve of mine… inappropriate or useless sorries… so I told him I was going to place a punishment around sorries, at which point, he decided to be a smart ass and say sorry 3 extra times, with one being an eyelashes batting blushy sorry via fucking video, while I was still trying to determine the punishment structure… so I put them in their own category and gave each sorry a multiple of 3, lol… he was not expecting that at all, which made me giggle… gotta keep brats on their toes, in my opinion. Now he was up to 1 punishment from locking the door on me and 9 sorries… slightly less intense versus a traditional punishment and also made it to where I always choose the implement. Brat tamer engaged, lol…

The day was just crawling by… slowly… slowly… and then it was time to go. PapaBear had a date with his girlfriend, so he dropped me off on the way, which has become a normal flow for us due to Rope Thursdays. I wore a flowing skirt, a top with see through lace running through it, and some maroon 3 inch wedges. I climbed the stairs expecting to get to the door and see a well dressed man ready for dinner… instead, I walked in to his puppy having an accident and him running around bare ass naked… can we say punishment #2? I also ended up briefly seeing him get the panties on while I was assisting with the puppy and thought, well, my surprise is ruined… sigh… but at least I get to hit him again, lol… he apologized, which was warranted, so did not get any sorries, and finished getting ready for dinner.

I allowed him to get the doors for me here and there, knowing that it brings him joy to do little things for me. On our walk to the restaurant, he crossed in front of me and "sorry" slipped out of his mouth, making me giggle...that's 12 sorries so far, in such a short period of time, he had escalated to 2 punishments and 12 sorries without ever feeling one of my punishment swings. The level of power in that was making my pussy tingle, which felt really nice. He went to the front and tried to get us a table, but they were only taking reservations ... no worries for me, since I had planned my eating schedule really well. The second restaurant we went to only had a 20 minute wait so we decided to walk and chat and look through some of the nearby stores. Dinner was delicious and we took desert to go, so we would have something sweet to snack on during aftercare. My favorite part of the night was literally sitting across the table from him at dinner watching his expressions when I would say teasing things about the sorries or the punishments or the rest of the evening I had planned. 

As we got back to his place, I realized that we had skipped one of my planned activities because of the situation that caused punishment #2... oh, well... maybe another time... maybe never again, lol... Just the thought made me even more pleased that he had punishments for me to dole out. Anyway, walking into the room, I started to get naked and pulled lotion out of my bag. I then told him that I wanted a focused butt and leg massage. He dribbled cold lotion on my bum and started massaging my butt with his hands, then my hamstrings. As I was laying there enjoying the pressure, he changed it up and used his face to massage my body. Different pressure rolled across my body depending on if it was his chin or nose or forehead pressed against me. 

He shifted to my upper back after a little while cuz I requested the shift after he did so good with my butt and thighs. I am really into great pressure with my massages and most people just don't start off firm enough, but his pressure felt amazing. I turned my head and look up at him as he starts to lean in and I kiss his soft lips, covered in lotion. I could taste the lotion as we kissed, but its one of those paraben free aloe based lotions, so it didn't taste bad. We kissed a few more times and then I reminded him that he supposed to be massaging my back. He finished rubbing all the lotion in and I felt so relaxed and ready to step it up to the next phase.

I told him to strip off his clothes, all of them, even his panties. When you are getting punishment, you get to stand in front of me naked and bare, so that I may render your apologies from your flesh. Muahahahahaha... I asked if he wanted to use any of his reward points now that he can see the implements I chose and he declined... His eyes slightly down cast, like a good sub, ready for my tongue lashing. I inquired on what created the punishment and he was so nervous he couldn't bring it to mind. I reminded him about locking the car before I got to the handle and stopping me from wanting to do the things I want to do. Then I asked about the second punishment and again he was drawing a blank. How quickly he forgot that he was not ready to go to dinner when I got to his place, ruining my surprise and the first activity I had planned. How dare he not follow my instructions after asking me for them. How disrespectful! Then I had him lay on the bed, face down and leaned in really close to make sure I had clear consent before I swung the paddle... 

Foxy: Hey there, princess, before we take this next step, do you consent to me hitting you with this paddle... 

Princess: yes ma'am... 

Foxy: Do you consent to me hitting you with it as hard as I deem fit for you stopping me from doing what I want and you not listening to what I said... 

Princess: yes ma'am... 

Foxy: That's all the consent I need...

I held the wooden paddle with the holes, high, then swung down hard. His body tensed for a moment, then as it started to relax, I swung it the second time, same damn spot... that's what you get, fucking bratty princess... mmmmmm... then I got out one of his other toys for the sorries and quickly wapped him 12 times... way less intense than the paddle, but the paddle pain was still there for it to layer over. I leaned in and asked what he thought and he stated that he didn't like punishments... which made me laugh, cuz you aren't supposed to like getting punished... that's why they are punishments... they are meant to change behavior... He said he really liked Monday's playtime so much more and I explained that we can definitely play that way, but that is for a planned scene and funishments... not actual punishment for fucking up... 

It was such a release to feel the paddle smack into his ass... and the color that immediately popped was beautiful. Pink and almost crimson on his pasty pale skin... mmmm... I started to caress his ass, lightly petting the pink tones, then told him to roll over. Watching him roll over onto his newly marked ass made me giggle because I know how it feels to lay on a freshly beaten ass... once, he was “comfortable”, I commented on his cock being a little deflated, probably due to the pain... then I started to pet it and saw him start to get hard. I grabbed his ankles and pushed his legs into the air to check out his asshole. I then set his legs down and grabbed the butt plug and the lube, then set them on the bed next to me and had him help hold his legs in the air as I lubed up the plug and inserted it into his ass... he let out a little gasp and his cock became super hard, so I just had to put him in my mouth... as soon as my mouth touched his cock, he let out a moan like a little whore, which got me excited and I started to lick and tease and suck, while I lightly wiggled the plug with my finger... he kept moaning as I played and then I could feel his body getting ready to cum, so I started to fuck his cock with my mouth until he came 6 swallows worth of cum... mmmmmmm... the plug popped out as he was orgasming and I ended up taking it to the sink to clean before snuggling and kissing and petting and scritching him while he lay next to me.

After a little while, it was time to take me home, so we got in his truck and he drove me. We kissed and he headed home for the night. Walking into my bedroom, my PapaBear was waiting and calling me his little trophy slut. I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before hopping into bed. He started to kiss me and grope me and play with me, asking how it went. When I told him that I had swallowed 6 times during his load delivery, he said I was his little cum whore and his trophy cream puff, then his cream whore and that he was going to fuck me so good that he filled my other hole so I would be stuffed with cream from both ends. I orgasmed repeatedly as he had me repeat back to him that I was his cream whore and that I loved taking all the loads I could get, at which point he exploded inside me, claiming his trophy slut and foxy girl....mmmm... played with a slutty princess, then got fucked by my Fuckmonster... such a wonderful dream come to life...

And then….

Fucking nervous… excited, but nervous… I know I am extra and when it comes to dominating another human, with all my rules and expectations, so I have learned to take it slower… but what if it’s too slow? What if I scare him away with my structure and obsession with reward/punishment D/s? What if we start to play and then he finds someone else and leaves? So many new what if’s flood my brain as I wait for the day to pass… waiting for work to be over so we can start…

And then… before I know it, work is over and I’ve left myself 30 minutes to really finish preparations and get focused. Setting everything up is one of my favorite parts of the dynamic… I got the laptop ready, went through and sectioned off my equipment in my play suitcase. I have a zipper compartment that can hide half of the suitcases contents, so I moved all the things I didn’t want to explore with on our first meeting to that compartment. Shit, only 5  minutes left until he gets here and I can’t figure out if I am missing anything, so I make myself a tea…

And then… he walks in the door as instructed with a a bag of ice, rope bag, and 5 implements from his own toy chest for us to try. The only extra thing he brought was the 8 paracord she purchased the other day when I told him I needed 1, lol… the kickoff punishment for our play… not getting exactly what I asked for when I asked for it… more of a funishment cuz it’s the first time we are playing and I know he was just trying to go above and beyond, but I get to teach him that I know what I want…

And then… I put the ice in the fridge for me later (I was out, lol) and we went over the questionnaire and set up 4 rules to start with… 3 that were more basic and 1 that would be tough for him to implement, but not impossible and with a week of leeway… We reviewed the implements he brought and the ones I had in the suitcase… red is the safe word…

And then… I had him pull off his shorts and there was those fucking lace panties… the ones that make me want to devour the cock visibly covered in lace… but no, rewards don’t come before punishments… so I had him kneel on the couch for impact… I hit him with a variety of things to gauge punishments versus fun play and chose the flogger for the 7 he received for fun… his ass showing pink under the dark lace… mmmmm…

And then… I had him sit down on the couch. As I pull the lace panties away, a thin string of precum clung to the lace… I licked the tip of his cock, which was hard as a rock… it took moments to get my treat and reward him for hiking with me this weekend. Tasty as fuck…

And then… we cuddled and chatted… we decided on Chinese for dinner and as we walked towards his truck, he unlocked the door. I picked up pace just a little to open the door for myself since I know he really likes to open my door and I didn't want him to think that being my sub means he gets to do what he wants... and this caused that little fucker to lock my door as I reached for the handle... the audacity! I look at his as he reaches for the handle and say "1". It was all in good intention, he's trying to explain why it shouldn't be a punishment for him to lock a door as my hand grabs the handle and tugs, to no avail... I look at him as he pouts and walks to his side of the car... teehee, I am in charge here... after picking up the Chinese, he reached my door first by side stepping and blocking my whole way, which was funny as shit, lol...

And then... when we got back, PapaBear was sitting on the couch asking how his lil whore face was doing… mmmm, cloud 9 is where I was… as I settled on the couch in between the two of them, watching Naked and Afraid, it felt like home…

What if?

 It’s been difficult to write, which is why it has been so long… not that my life hasn’t been full of fun activities… I have 2 amazing and wonderful riggers, PapaBear and I have really continued to grow closer together, and his girlfriend is such a great woman! Life is blessed and I have been so wrapped up in the experience that I feel elevated on the daily… but every time I have tried to write, I can’t even get a full sentence… It hasn’t felt right… obvi, that has changed, cuz look at all these sentences!!

This last Thursday, after yoga, I was bitching to one of my riggers about how I just really wanted/needed to beat someone’s ass… I’ve been feeling very unsatisfied with only one area in my life… the sexual side… My pussy is very satisfied with the fuckmonster I have, but for any kinky person that has been having Vanilla style sex only for a while, it has gotten boring and I don’t really feel “turned on”… 

Usually, the things that satisfy me from a kinky perspective are rope, rules, structure, and discipline… recently, though, my rope has moved to a friendly playing style and I got really tired finally of managing myself to rules that I created with the knowledge of what my spouse enjoys… It was fun while I could do it, but I’m just done with dominating myself into submission and I’m not really in the mood to listen to others without a lot of time and work in advance. 

Our conversation turned a little into the explanation of my sadistic dominant side and that I have friends that will let me beat them, but that in and of itself isn’t a huge turn on for me… it’s the reward and punishment system, the rules and enforcement of said rules…the beating someone for something cuz they are in trouble, not just for fun, that actually excites me… and he said that made him twitch a little bit, which made me giggle.

Don’t get me wrong… we’ve had conversations… so many conversations… all the way back to June/July of 2022 when we first started chatting about kinks and proclivities (9 months ago is like an eternity in this day and age, lol)… but he is soo similar to my PapaBear in personality that I placed him in the platonic friends only category… I love my Brat Daddy, but I can only handle soo much bratty attitude in my life… so when he messaged me later after he got home safe, he really piqued my interests… and now I’ve got a completed questionnaire and a discussion planned for Monday evening that will also include a blow job because he is showing up to hike with me and taking care of my toys gets rewards… and the fact that he woke up early today already has me revved… hahahaha…

What if I allow him to be mine? What if the universe sent us to each other? What if…