Hitachi murder

I am so fucking upset at myself for breaking my favorite toy in a blind rage. I was just so disappointed and angry... and... and... argh... I’ll start at the beginning.

I had been chatting on and off with him for a little while this morning, in between private sessions... He asked if I liked to submit... and I answered with a yes... but that it was a bratty kind of submission... he laughed and took me into a private session... he asked about a few limits... we set up a safe word... then he had me take off my clothes and give him a detailed explanation on my history with submission in person... we were interacting via cam, but he was more interested in my lifestyle play, so I obliged. As I told him of my history of submission, from slave to brat princess, he had me start massaging my breasts hard. He asked me a question about what I have liked so far along my journey.

Then he had me smack my breasts... I stopped talking to smack them and he punished me for not continuing to talk... he never said I could stop talking, so I had to smack my breasts 10 times each... and something clicked within me... my brain realized that I was serving a Dom... it’s been a minute since I have played with a Dom... my hubby is a Daddy and my last ex was trying to let me be the dominant one per my request, so his domliness was shut down... I snapped into that lovely sub space where my brat quiets... I don’t like punishments...

He asked me about the last time I played in public and had me put my hands behind my head as I spoke. Going over the flogging I gave, he had me start rubbing my pussy hard. I dropped my other hand when I started to play with myself and got 10 titty smacks for not having my hand that was not in use behind my head... and that lil click happened again... and I apologized for dropping my hand...

Then, he had me place my hitachi in my panties, hands behind head, and had me put it on high... then gave me the command not to cum... and all hell broke loose... I couldn’t last for 10 fucking seconds! Tears burst out of my eyes... all of a sudden, I was crying and apologizing for failing... he laughed... teasing me “What, lil girl? You can cum on command, but you can’t control yourself to not cum?” And I told him that all of the men I had been with had always pushed for me to cum... not one ever wanted me to avoid that pleasure, so it was not a skill set I was familiar with... he thanked me for my honesty and my pussy got slapped 20 times for that failure... he had me put on 3 more pairs of panties and set a timer for 1 minute... I just had to not cum for that one minute. He kept telling me focus on how disappointed he would be if I came before the time and called me a bitch and a slut... and I made it the full minute! I was rewarded with an orgasm and I was feeling good...

Then he pushed it to 2 minutes... no orgasm for 2 minutes would mean that I was allowed to orgasm... but if I orgasmed before the time was up, then it would be 40 titty and pussy spankings... I told him that I wasn’t going to make it... he said that I could, just like the last time... so I agreed and started it. 30 seconds in, he yelled for me to stop... to put it right on my clit, and to tell him what I thought of the session so far... I said that I knew I would fail this time... my orgasms come more frequently once one has hit... he said to do it anyway... I made it a minute and 17 seconds before the orgasm ripped through my body at which point, I pull the hitachi out of my panties and slammed it into the ground hard as I roared at my failure. Then it made a cracking noise and a high pitched whine with no more vibration... I murdered my hitachi!!! Angry at myself and fiercely crying, he had me sit and calm down... he asked why I was so upset... I looked at him and said that I don’t like to fail and disappoint my dominant... I pride myself in perfection... he said that was obvious and stated that it must be nice to learn something new about yourself... he didn’t punish me... said that the lesson that I needed to learn was that my best is good enough...

Thank you universe... you find so many ways to teach me these fucking lessons.