It is also causing me to look at other relationship agreements and contracts as well. I find it interesting how individuals react to different requests and suggestions.
What am I talking about... I am talking about some logistics on an exchange that is so emotional for me, as if I can remain logical...
In my primary contract, I found out that my Papa Bear wants me to basically become a Stepford wife... He is my Master, so I focus only on becoming what he wants me to be. I know this sounds crazy to most, but I get off on him controlling me... What I do, where I go, who I am with, what I wear...
He had definitely started stepping up before July and I just disregarded it because I was seeking out attention from another. I should have been focused on the gift he was finally giving me and instead, I stomped on it... But we are working to be better now and he has stepped back up to his place and I have knelt down into mine.
He had definitely started stepping up before July and I just disregarded it because I was seeking out attention from another. I should have been focused on the gift he was finally giving me and instead, I stomped on it... But we are working to be better now and he has stepped back up to his place and I have knelt down into mine.
One of the benefits of my poly is that it provides me with a way to be just who I am with people who appreciate who she is. It gives me a break from perfect and allows me to be the simplest version of myself...Papa Bear appreciates this version of me, but definitely wants me to meet his needs and I consensually promised to be everything he wants me to be.
What I am starting to find out is that when Papa Bear changes my personality for his purposes, sometimes others end up falling for the perfect version of me, not necessarily the real version... The version that craves cock so badly that I have to get to it and initiate activities all the time... What they don't see is the time it took to engrain that behavior into me and the orders that I was given earlier that day or year, demanding that my behavior change, or the punishments I received when I wasn't meeting expectations... Perfect takes practice, sweat, and tears...
Someone once asked me something around if they could ever be sure they knew me and not just a list of rules that make me who I am... I feel like I can be me with those that truly love me. Especially Papa Bear... Even though I meet his expectations on a regular basis to be better, he still gives me times to be me. Similarly, each version of me is made up of some kind of rules, because I create rules for versions of me and have since I was little... Such a great coping mechanism...
I think that my behaviors can change if someone really wants to take the time to dominate me until I become who they are looking for in their relationship, but what does that mean when I just want to be me... It means that we need to create a training program to help change my behaviors, because I am change if I am anything at all, lol...
One of the pitfalls of an M/s where the s is also poly, I guess... Everything tends to just run together and the unknown is hard to adjust for... The good thing about it is that we always have the opportunity to create the life we want when we want it.
**to all who want to know, the new contract is almost complete. Then I will post it in here as well**
Someone once asked me something around if they could ever be sure they knew me and not just a list of rules that make me who I am... I feel like I can be me with those that truly love me. Especially Papa Bear... Even though I meet his expectations on a regular basis to be better, he still gives me times to be me. Similarly, each version of me is made up of some kind of rules, because I create rules for versions of me and have since I was little... Such a great coping mechanism...
I think that my behaviors can change if someone really wants to take the time to dominate me until I become who they are looking for in their relationship, but what does that mean when I just want to be me... It means that we need to create a training program to help change my behaviors, because I am change if I am anything at all, lol...
One of the pitfalls of an M/s where the s is also poly, I guess... Everything tends to just run together and the unknown is hard to adjust for... The good thing about it is that we always have the opportunity to create the life we want when we want it.
**to all who want to know, the new contract is almost complete. Then I will post it in here as well**
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