Grieving

I am learning that Papa Bear and I both grieve in different ways. Both of us are mourning our loss and it is hard... This type of difference is what you hear about when you hear that marriages and families have fallen apart and dissolved due to a traumatic experience or the loss of a loved one, especially a child... He was 7... I miss him so much... We both do...

I am learning that Papa Bear is wanting to stay close to home and close to me. He wants to stew in the sadness and really feel it to help get through it... At least, that is what it looks like from the outside... I know that he lost the main purpose in his life as he stayed home to focus on our son due to his illness... And now he needs to figure out what to do with his life when we already had it sorted out... That can be overwhelming...

On the other side, I want to escape and run away. I want to get out or at least be playing hard enough that I am distracted from the fact that I lost him in the room I sleep in every night... That he lay on my side of the bed as he left this earth... That he struggled so hard... And that even though I know I couldn't have done any more than I did, I am still sure that I missed something... I am a runner... Don't get me wrong, I will stand and fight for something I believe in... But in a fight or flight scenario, my gut reaction is flight...

So, I talked with my Papa Bear and he is deciding to let me fly when I need to in order to handle my grief and I will support him by being at his side when he needs to cuddle or stew...