Hippie Rant #1

Sometimes, I think about who I am and what I am and I wonder... How did this girl come to be? Which defining moments in time, in her life, happened to cause her to define herself as this... As me...

I know that when I was young, some unsavory experiences occurred with a male babysitter that changed my thoughts and feelings about sex at all times. Sex actually means less to me than anything else. I have a negative connotation with sex because of the history I have with it, but I know that it is something that can feel good and ultimately will get me the connection I want with another.

Kissing on the other hand... Kissing on the lips means the world to me and is the most important action. Just a peck on the lips and you should know that I am yours in the way that you want, if you work with me on it.

I am so submissive and suggestible that it sometimes scares Papa Bear, I think... I can change so quickly that I can forget who I truly am and end up miles away from where I wanted to be... For a whisper of love and a promise of play...

I am addicted to rope... Like really really addicted to it... It is like a drug for me and I just love it... When I am tied up and beautiful because of my rigger's amazing work, I feel secure and free, safe and alive, truly happy... I am still trying to figure out where this stems from, but I think I always just loved the feel and smell of it. In high school, in 2001, I used to crochet during study hall, lol...

I am so strong, I sometimes wonder if I am an alien. I see what I go through with my son every night as I think about how the day went... And I just think, how? How does she keep doing this... Where is that spine coming from... Who is she?! There is no way that I am this woman... This woman that took back her health and continues to help others do the same, that stands firmly with her son while pushing forward legislation for controversial medication, that continues to go to work and put in the hours that she would rather spend with her son so he can continue to eat his medical grade formula, that plays with others with wild passion, creating the experiences they want to share...

How did I get to become this amazing woman? I worked hard and continue to work on not giving up. I won't give up on anything or anyone as long as they never give up on me. I sure as hell won't give up on myself or the things I want in life.

Woo... I needed to get this out... And here we go, hippie foxy, lol...