My heart feels as though it is starting to heal... i am glad that i am focusing on feeling my feelings. i can feel sad and upset and that is okay and so is feeling happy and excited. Being vulnerable is so hard because i can never be quite sure who to trust with my heart and with my secrets. i am glad i have a great group of friends who know me.
After talking with one in length today, i was surprised at how amazing i felt when i decided to say that right now, my happiness is what matters to me. Normally, i throw myself into trying to make someone else's dreams come true... Well, not anymore... Right now, i am focusing on my dreams and what i want in life.
Step 1: What do i want in life?
- happy home life with time spent together
- financial security and freedom
- yearly vacations
- have our home work smoothly and cohesively
- look and feel good and confident
- make the world a better place
- offer support and advocacy
Step 2: let life happen and focus on these items - jk
Right now, i can focus on having our home work smoothly and cohesively. The first step in this is to clean the house so it is like new... Can't really redecorate or anything until stuff is cleaned and put away... Today, i am supposed to focus on the bedroom and so far, i have done nothing... Sigh... Better get to it...
Also need to continue to serve Daddy by getting stuff ready at bedtime. i really want to make Him proud of me, so i think i will be dressed sexily for when He gets home...
Step 3: to be continued...
I think maintaining the house is definitely the first step in finding normalcy. It's the first thing that went to crap when I started grieving.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how easy it is for everything to just fall apart. i Am working on a little at a time and that seems to be helping without overwhelming me, lol.
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