The kisses that matter

So, right now, i am trying to learn about a different way for my poly heart to get what it needs without destroying my primary relationship in the process and without hurting others... Focusing on connections where our dynamic stays whole and playing with others that understand our dynamic is important. i am finding that this is one of the important parts to having a healthy marriage in this dynamic for us, if we want to enjoy being poly.

i had so much fun with Sweetheart's Daddy last night and my Daddy had so much fun with Sweetheart and we were able to stay together the entire night! i loved the ability to share the experiences with my Daddy and i was also happy to see how proud He was of His little whore as i serviced her Daddy to the best of my ability.

A couple of days before last night, we determined that i would be ready to do anything with Sweetheart's Daddy that Daddy wanted to do with Sweetheart that was permitable. i knew that He was interested in sex at the most, so i was fully prepared to have sex again. i was a little worried, because of the past... But if i let the past dictate my actions, i would shut down that part of me entirely, losing a piece of myself. i refuse to lose a piece of me due to fear... i focused on being present with her Daddy and he took amazing care of me, getting to experience the pleasure of me squirting, lol...

In one part of the evening, Daddy and Sweetheart were in the other room, playing with electric on the bed (the look on His face as He zapped her and she giggled was priceless - so fucking happy - goofy kid-like grin), and i was laying down, back all the way in the couch, with her Daddy laying in front of me. We laid there, cuddling, chatting, and sharing little kisses, which is one of the most intimate acts that i feel like i can share with someone...

These kisses were a part of our conversation... Our mouths learning each other after sharing words of the past... Deep passionate hard kisses, soft little quick kisses, nibbling sharp smooth kisses, big wet sloppy kisses... Topics and kisses of all kinds... And then, there i lay, eyes closed after a deep kiss, his face hovering above mine... i opened my eyes to see his lips parted, but not going in for the kiss this time... Letting me come to him, tentatively, searching, light little licks on his lips...

The kisses that mattered were those... Little explorations into the temptation of an open heart who understands me with a familiarity that is interesting... Understands my losses... Understands my heart... Understands my dislike of this wall i have built to protect me from myself... Understands my need to go slow... Understands the offering of hope and the passage of time... Understands the kisses that matter...

For now, i am so very pleased with how well i followed my Daddy's directions and with how proud i made Him. i worship the ground that He walks on and would do anything for Him...  The new experiences are serving as wonderful distractions from my pain...