Sub space found again!

Well... I am still crying a lot by myself... That is when the sadness creeps in... When I am alone and there is no one to text but Papa Bear, who is driving to work as I type this, so not a great time for texting/talking. When I am with people, it is easy to focus on creating a happy experience for them (my real kink, lol) instead of the missing little boy I want to hold in my arms... This was my first holiday without him and it hurt so badly...

If you were following this to learn anything about being a slave, now is the time to stop reading and move on to another blog, lol... At least for now, we have dissolved our M/s relationship. I am still submissive to my Papa Bear and will still listen to him most of the time since I enjoy being his babygirl.

So it has looked a little different the past couple of days. I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone and asking for things... This may seem small, but we were having pizza yesterday and there were 2 slices of the Works and then a bunch of pepperoni... Now, Papa Bear prefers the Works and is not actually a fan of pepperoni, so normally I would give him both slices of the Works and I would take pepperoni as I like pepperoni... But instead, I asked if I could have one because I like the Works more than pepperoni... Heart racing... And he said yes, lol... And then told me I was a good girl just for asking... It was a big moment for me... You know, I couldn't even ask to give a blow job before without him telling me the words to say, let alone request a slice of his favorite pizza, lol...

It was also amazing to release the need for perfection that I was holding onto. As a slave, I want to be perfect for my Master... I want to anticipate his needs and keep life happy for him. I have been struggling with anticipating my own needs lately and have been full of sorrow... Once I let that need for perfection go, I was finally able to find sub space in a play session we had the other night... It was the most intense anal session I had in a while, but it took me over the edge and I slipped away.

He has become so primal with his craving for me that it is intense. He has become so passionate and I am back to beating him off of me with a stick, lol, which he will then take away and spank me with. We are getting back to our playful relationship that we had before... Finding each other in the aftermath of losing our son has been hard, but we were both made to overcome difficult situations... That's why we belong in each other's arms... At the end of the day, we were made for each other and can overcome anything. Love you, Papa Bear!