His loss, our benefit

When plans fell through for Sire and Twinsie yesterday, we decided to invite them over to hang out. We had Adele 25 recorded and knew that Sire would enjoy that and figured we could all have dinner together and get to know each other more. We have been playing pretty consistently with each other, so it is time to let everything happen organically.

We decided on Chinese food and Sire got so excited when we started the Adele 25 recording. Our boys were running around and interacting with us and playing. My youngest is a hugger and hugged them a bunch of times. After the concert, which was amazing to watch, with the 4 of us kind of laying all over each other on the couch, just relaxed, we watched another show. We talked, we stared, we shared quick brief kisses when the kids weren't around.

Then it was 8:00 and the boys went to bed. After they went to bed, we showed Sire and Twinsie our room. Daddy got out His new electric toy and started playing with Twinsie. She shocked me a couple of times due to contact, lol...

Sire and i cuddled and talked. i gave him a few blow jobs. We were watching our loves have fun playing with each other. Listening to their laughter was like hearing happiness... My heart suddenly felt so light... It has been so heavy since i lost my son. It has been so hard to open back up. Daddy and Twinsie started to have sex with a condom on and the condom was just too desensitizing. After 3 attempts, the condoms just weren't working.

So we all had a discussion. We had all just been tested and cleared. We have all been very safe with any play and haven't actually been playing sexually with others. So we decided to become fluid bonded to each other. Twinsie and i gave Daddy a double blow job as Sire fingered my ass. Then, Twinsie climbed on top of Daddy and rode Him. He smiled so big and started man-handling her and she looked so happy.

Sire and i watched them as i gave him a blow job. Then when Daddy picked her up and put her on her back and climbed on top to pound her, i couldn't take it anymore. i had requested no sex because i was on my period and i personally think it is gross... But Sire had said that he didn't mind as long as we had a towel and stuff to clean up with.

After watching Daddy pick her up and lay her down, i was too fucking horny and i asked Daddy if i could fuck Sire. He said yes and soon, Sire was on top of me, fucking me without a condom. My first fluid-bonded partner since my husband. Originally, i have always used condoms with other partners.

We went out for a smoke and then came back in and cuddled our good-byes on the couch. Twinsie and Daddy were all about it. Sire and i cuddled and talked and watched them and kissed. We walked them out to their truck and as Daddy walked to put Twinsie in her seat, Sire and i talked.

Sire and i spoke of Daddy's happiness and Twinsie's happiness. We spoke of the energy between us and the connection that is growing rapidly. He said he loved me... And i whispered back that madly and desperately, i love him too... He whispered the word perfect to me several times before i buckled him in... And then they drove away as Daddy swept me up into His arms and carried me back to the door. In the house, i looked at Daddy's smile and just started spinning on my heels in the kitchen.

i deserve to love and to be loved and i have finally found another person that understands me and wants to get to know me for me. They came over expecting a Vanilla hang out night with the kiddos and then to head home. They came over with love in their hearts... Not sex or play... i deserve to have those types of people in my life... The ones who love me without expectation... Yah, i like to play and i like to have sex, but there is much more to me than that.

i love my Daddy.
i love my Sire.
i love my Twinsie.
i love my Sweetheart.
i love my lil fox.

i am so happy that i am no longer denying myself love... i am not sure why i thought that denying a piece of myself would help me... i might just be crazy... But at least i am now a happy crazy... Lol...