Sunday, February 28, 2016
Writing again...
So much has been going on lately and i have focused a little more on living my fun life than writing about it, but at the end of the day, i really want to make sure i am recording my life in here... When i am further down my path, i want these words to transport me back to the days of now, when my life resembled a porno, lol ;)
Monday, February 15, 2016
Poem #6 from Sire/ my response
Poem from Sire
Lover lover lover...hear my voice and forget not my face.
Lover lover lover...for soon we shall return to our sacred space.
Lover lover lover, you are my precious Fox,
Lover lover lover, take me to our private box.
Reply from foxy
Lover Lover Lover... Your voice was heard from the start.
Lover Lover Lover... Your face is etched in my heart.
Lover Lover Lover... in our box, my love You'll find.
Lover Lover Lover... My heart and arms are Yours to bind.
Lover lover lover...hear my voice and forget not my face.
Lover lover lover...for soon we shall return to our sacred space.
Lover lover lover, you are my precious Fox,
Lover lover lover, take me to our private box.
Reply from foxy
Lover Lover Lover... Your voice was heard from the start.
Lover Lover Lover... Your face is etched in my heart.
Lover Lover Lover... in our box, my love You'll find.
Lover Lover Lover... My heart and arms are Yours to bind.
Renaissance Sweetheart
Sweetheart and i went on our first solo date to the Renaissance Festival on Valentine's Day! i have not had good experiences there in the past because i was 8 months pregnant last time, but this time was so much fun! We were like kids in a medieval candy store. We watched belly dancers and jousting and fire whips...
We held hands and shared kisses and talked, getting to know each other better. i loved following her around, holding her parasol, like a little hand maiden. Watching her smile every time i adjusted to take the sun out of her face.
After the festival, she drove my dad home because she knows how much i dislike driving... That made me feel so special... She didn't need to come with me to take my dad home, but she decided to spend more time with me and the boys, and did something for me that i hate to do... It's the little things... Goodness, she is an amazing and beautiful sweetheart.
We held hands and shared kisses and talked, getting to know each other better. i loved following her around, holding her parasol, like a little hand maiden. Watching her smile every time i adjusted to take the sun out of her face.
After the festival, she drove my dad home because she knows how much i dislike driving... That made me feel so special... She didn't need to come with me to take my dad home, but she decided to spend more time with me and the boys, and did something for me that i hate to do... It's the little things... Goodness, she is an amazing and beautiful sweetheart.
Dinner and play
The night before Valentine's day, we hung out with Sire and Sweetheart. We had a lovely steak dinner, prepared by Sire, that was absolutely delicious. It was just wonderful to sit down for dinner at the table and have a home cooked meal. The love that goes into preparing such a meal was palpable.
After dinner, Sweetheart and i got into a hitting war that turned into a towel snapping war. My hand towel was way fluffier than hers, which left me at a disadvantage, but i loved it. It was fun to run around and play, running out our energy. At the end, i pushed her against a wall and made out with her for a minute. Then, it was time for rope!
Sire laid out the blanket in the living room as i made out with Daddy on the couch... Did i mention i was naked? Lol... Then, Sweetheart was snapping my ass with the towel! i reminded her that when she was putting on Sire's shoes, i hadn't gotten her. She got me anyways, lol, which i found amusing. i love seeing her brat out with me without worrying about hurting my feelings or something like that. Then, Sire brought out his whip and i got to feel the after-sting of the whip for the first time. Ouch! But not horrible, lol...
Then, the rope was ready. Oh my goodness, do i love rope. His rope is so creative and he added in a bamboo stick that added to my headspace. Being tied to something is a little different than being tied to myself. It was also the first time my hair was involved in the rope and that was awesome. i kept waiting to feel my hair slip out of the tie, but it didn't. It was tied in really well. Next time, i will relax more into it and feel the experience more fully. i really enjoyed this tie.
Then, Sire removed the pole and tied me into a sort of chastity leg brace. i joked that it was because i kept teasing him with my pussy, lol... i giggled about how i just had to kick and get my legs over my head to expose my undercarriage. He flipped me over onto my front and tied up the back of my legs as well... After i was tied, i bent my knees and pushed my body against his rope work, getting onto my hands and knees. Sire grabbed me and kissed my hip.
Then, i was untied and we cuddled and chatted. Sharing those little kisses and moments where we slip into our little box for a few moments. The rest of the night was full of fun and debauchery. i became a sex machine as i fucked Sweetheart with a strap-on and held Daddy's dick in one hand and Sire's in the other. At one point, Daddy held my arms behind me and fingered me as i fucked her and watched her suck on Sire's cock. Then Daddy and Sire switched spots and i was able to watch her suck Daddy's cock as i fucked her too. i enjoyed watching Sweetheart's grin as Daddy fucked me hard while pushing my head down on Sire's cock. Goodness, we all have so much fun when we get together!!
After dinner, Sweetheart and i got into a hitting war that turned into a towel snapping war. My hand towel was way fluffier than hers, which left me at a disadvantage, but i loved it. It was fun to run around and play, running out our energy. At the end, i pushed her against a wall and made out with her for a minute. Then, it was time for rope!
Sire laid out the blanket in the living room as i made out with Daddy on the couch... Did i mention i was naked? Lol... Then, Sweetheart was snapping my ass with the towel! i reminded her that when she was putting on Sire's shoes, i hadn't gotten her. She got me anyways, lol, which i found amusing. i love seeing her brat out with me without worrying about hurting my feelings or something like that. Then, Sire brought out his whip and i got to feel the after-sting of the whip for the first time. Ouch! But not horrible, lol...
Then, the rope was ready. Oh my goodness, do i love rope. His rope is so creative and he added in a bamboo stick that added to my headspace. Being tied to something is a little different than being tied to myself. It was also the first time my hair was involved in the rope and that was awesome. i kept waiting to feel my hair slip out of the tie, but it didn't. It was tied in really well. Next time, i will relax more into it and feel the experience more fully. i really enjoyed this tie.
Then, Sire removed the pole and tied me into a sort of chastity leg brace. i joked that it was because i kept teasing him with my pussy, lol... i giggled about how i just had to kick and get my legs over my head to expose my undercarriage. He flipped me over onto my front and tied up the back of my legs as well... After i was tied, i bent my knees and pushed my body against his rope work, getting onto my hands and knees. Sire grabbed me and kissed my hip.
Then, i was untied and we cuddled and chatted. Sharing those little kisses and moments where we slip into our little box for a few moments. The rest of the night was full of fun and debauchery. i became a sex machine as i fucked Sweetheart with a strap-on and held Daddy's dick in one hand and Sire's in the other. At one point, Daddy held my arms behind me and fingered me as i fucked her and watched her suck on Sire's cock. Then Daddy and Sire switched spots and i was able to watch her suck Daddy's cock as i fucked her too. i enjoyed watching Sweetheart's grin as Daddy fucked me hard while pushing my head down on Sire's cock. Goodness, we all have so much fun when we get together!!
11 years
Holy beans!!! We have been married for 11 years. 11 years! And i still love Him and adore Him and couldn't live my life without Him. i sent Him dirty pictures all day... Pictures of my breasts, of my pussy, of me playing with myself, of my mouth opened wide to accept His cock... All day...
When i got home, He took me to the room and ate my pussy again. Then, He started choking me... i asked Him to choke me out as it was happening and so we stopped and talked about it for a moment. We like to discuss new experiences before we attempt them, so we reviewed the dangers that come with breath play.
Daddy laid me down on the bed and placed a hand on my throat and tightened His grip until my face was a little tingly, then He released. We practiced slow and steady breathing. Then, He placed His hand on my throat and instructed that i grab His arm and hold my elbow up a little. As soon as i was appropriately positioned, He cut off my air supply. This time, my lips and face were very tingly and then i felt my whole body tingle and when my elbow dropped, He let go.
He repeatedly told me that He loved me and was here for me. My face had apparently portrayed this very scared and frantic look, even though i wasn't feeling panicked internally. We tried one more time and as His hand clamped off my air supply, i focused hard on not making a scared face and on not struggling. My lips started to tingle, then my face, then my hands, and then the world faded and the lights dimmed. My elbow must have dropped, because before i knew it, He was holding me as i take shallow and deep breathes again. In and out.... Slow...
Daddy told me that He was glad that we tried it and He is happy to try anything i want together, at least once. He wants to be the one to give me new experiences whenever possible. i asked Him if there is a new experience He would like to try with me and His answer was something to the effect of not needing to because i have already given Him all the experiences He could ever want or ask for and doesn't need me to change for Him.
i stared crying because He has been trying so many new things with me and He is also trying prior things we have tried that didn't work out well the first time. i explained that i didn't want to change Him and i love Him just as He is. He said He wasn't changing just because i want Him to... Life is different for both of us now... He sees the value in trying new things and adjusting depending on the outcome.
After 11 years of marriage and 13 years together, with 6 of those being in the BDSM lifestyle, and this man still surprised me with how much He loves me. i hope i pleasantly surprised Him with my love too.
Fyi- i know i didn't write about it specifically, but we also fucked like animals, lol... It is just what we do ;)
When i got home, He took me to the room and ate my pussy again. Then, He started choking me... i asked Him to choke me out as it was happening and so we stopped and talked about it for a moment. We like to discuss new experiences before we attempt them, so we reviewed the dangers that come with breath play.
Daddy laid me down on the bed and placed a hand on my throat and tightened His grip until my face was a little tingly, then He released. We practiced slow and steady breathing. Then, He placed His hand on my throat and instructed that i grab His arm and hold my elbow up a little. As soon as i was appropriately positioned, He cut off my air supply. This time, my lips and face were very tingly and then i felt my whole body tingle and when my elbow dropped, He let go.
He repeatedly told me that He loved me and was here for me. My face had apparently portrayed this very scared and frantic look, even though i wasn't feeling panicked internally. We tried one more time and as His hand clamped off my air supply, i focused hard on not making a scared face and on not struggling. My lips started to tingle, then my face, then my hands, and then the world faded and the lights dimmed. My elbow must have dropped, because before i knew it, He was holding me as i take shallow and deep breathes again. In and out.... Slow...
Daddy told me that He was glad that we tried it and He is happy to try anything i want together, at least once. He wants to be the one to give me new experiences whenever possible. i asked Him if there is a new experience He would like to try with me and His answer was something to the effect of not needing to because i have already given Him all the experiences He could ever want or ask for and doesn't need me to change for Him.
i stared crying because He has been trying so many new things with me and He is also trying prior things we have tried that didn't work out well the first time. i explained that i didn't want to change Him and i love Him just as He is. He said He wasn't changing just because i want Him to... Life is different for both of us now... He sees the value in trying new things and adjusting depending on the outcome.
After 11 years of marriage and 13 years together, with 6 of those being in the BDSM lifestyle, and this man still surprised me with how much He loves me. i hope i pleasantly surprised Him with my love too.
Fyi- i know i didn't write about it specifically, but we also fucked like animals, lol... It is just what we do ;)
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Assumptions of sexual repression
Sweetheart came with my boys and i to a cub scout dinner at a church cultural hall. It was nice to enjoy spending time together, watching as my son collected another belt loop for all his work this last month.
While there, i thought about this religious community and how sexually repressed they are... Then i thought about what an interesting thing it was that i would automatically assume that they are repressed... i mean, let's face it, i belong to this community and i am pretty sexual... It is possible that some of them are too...
While there, i thought about this religious community and how sexually repressed they are... Then i thought about what an interesting thing it was that i would automatically assume that they are repressed... i mean, let's face it, i belong to this community and i am pretty sexual... It is possible that some of them are too...
Exploring with Daddy
This last week, Daddy and i spent some time exploring each other and playing around with oral and aggressive sex.
On Sunday, Daddy ate my pussy and i was able to openly enjoy it! It made me so happy for Him to try that with me again. It was something that we had tried in the past that just didn't work for either one of us. i was always too stiff before Sire helped me work through the issues in my head that come up during oral due to sexual abuse as a child, long ago... Daddy also wasn't that interested in eating pussy as it just wasn't something He enjoyed, especially when i cringed any time He tried.
On Monday, Daddy did it again after tying me up so i was open to Him. He took pictures of His rope work and my dripping wet pussy for His phone and personal spank bank, lol.
On Tuesday, we tried a 69 style position together. i think that i don't like that as much because i can't focus on giving good head when my pussy is vibrating from His touch. i also can't focus on cumming from oral with a cock in my mouth, but we got it done.
Then, Daddy pinned me down and started fucking me really hard. He told me to try and get away from Him. We don't do a lot of rape type play because He doesn't want to hurt me by mistake. This time, He told me to remember to use my safeword if needed. As i struggled to escape, He would readjust. When i bit Him, He pushed my face sideways into the bed so i couldn't do that again. i was able to kick His cock out of my pussy once, at which time He tried to push back into my ass, so i adjusted and took it back in vaginally. i couldn't escape as He fucked harder and harder until i was crying, which is what i have always wanted to try.
Thank You for exploring with me Daddy!!
On Sunday, Daddy ate my pussy and i was able to openly enjoy it! It made me so happy for Him to try that with me again. It was something that we had tried in the past that just didn't work for either one of us. i was always too stiff before Sire helped me work through the issues in my head that come up during oral due to sexual abuse as a child, long ago... Daddy also wasn't that interested in eating pussy as it just wasn't something He enjoyed, especially when i cringed any time He tried.
On Monday, Daddy did it again after tying me up so i was open to Him. He took pictures of His rope work and my dripping wet pussy for His phone and personal spank bank, lol.
On Tuesday, we tried a 69 style position together. i think that i don't like that as much because i can't focus on giving good head when my pussy is vibrating from His touch. i also can't focus on cumming from oral with a cock in my mouth, but we got it done.
Then, Daddy pinned me down and started fucking me really hard. He told me to try and get away from Him. We don't do a lot of rape type play because He doesn't want to hurt me by mistake. This time, He told me to remember to use my safeword if needed. As i struggled to escape, He would readjust. When i bit Him, He pushed my face sideways into the bed so i couldn't do that again. i was able to kick His cock out of my pussy once, at which time He tried to push back into my ass, so i adjusted and took it back in vaginally. i couldn't escape as He fucked harder and harder until i was crying, which is what i have always wanted to try.
Thank You for exploring with me Daddy!!
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Birthday party
i have the best friends ever!! My girls were all at the party, as were some of my current love interests, the kiddos, and my dad. The pizza was bomb and the decorations were amazing.
i had a few vodka drinks and some smoke, and had a blast catching up with friends. i hadn't seen my froggy friend in a while and i didn't even realize how much my heart missed her. Her birthday present made me cry... i had done a pretty good job at keeping everything together until she gave me The Little Prince... Goodness, my heart is overwhelmed now just thinking about it because i miss my own little prince...
Gifts are actually the last of my love languages, but so many of the people in my life have gift giving as their primary love language. That being said, the gifts were amazing. i received earrings and panties and coloring books and stuffies and the birthday party itself. i didn't have to worry about the expenses involved with the food or even remember to bring food to the party.
Thank Y/you to everyone who participated in my birthday party last night.
On a side note, i received my 33 spankings+1 to grow on+a pinch+4 more that were re-enacted for Lola's viewing pleasure... Lol... My friends are fucking awesome :)
i had a few vodka drinks and some smoke, and had a blast catching up with friends. i hadn't seen my froggy friend in a while and i didn't even realize how much my heart missed her. Her birthday present made me cry... i had done a pretty good job at keeping everything together until she gave me The Little Prince... Goodness, my heart is overwhelmed now just thinking about it because i miss my own little prince...
Gifts are actually the last of my love languages, but so many of the people in my life have gift giving as their primary love language. That being said, the gifts were amazing. i received earrings and panties and coloring books and stuffies and the birthday party itself. i didn't have to worry about the expenses involved with the food or even remember to bring food to the party.
Thank Y/you to everyone who participated in my birthday party last night.
On a side note, i received my 33 spankings+1 to grow on+a pinch+4 more that were re-enacted for Lola's viewing pleasure... Lol... My friends are fucking awesome :)
Rope subspace
i got rope again on Friday!! This time, it was by Sire. First, he bound my arms. They had a little room to wiggle, but were mostly stationary. Then, he tied up my legs and my body was open... Naked and tied, spread open on my bed, unable to really move.
Sire took some pics and then ate my pussy. It was amazing and i was brought to orgasm a few times. My body vibrating within the rope... Then, Sire flipped me over and my face was flattened against the bed... My restricted arm movement could not help alleviate the pressure from my face and i slipped into rope subspace.
In rope subspace, i am starting to notice that the timing of the activities i do seems more fluid. i know my left pinky finger started tingling... i know that i nibbled on Sweetheart's breasts... i know i gave Sire head and he fucked me as well... i know that Sire untied me... But the timing of when things happened gets all wonky after i was turned on my face...
Goodness, i love rope subspace...
Sire took some pics and then ate my pussy. It was amazing and i was brought to orgasm a few times. My body vibrating within the rope... Then, Sire flipped me over and my face was flattened against the bed... My restricted arm movement could not help alleviate the pressure from my face and i slipped into rope subspace.
In rope subspace, i am starting to notice that the timing of the activities i do seems more fluid. i know my left pinky finger started tingling... i know that i nibbled on Sweetheart's breasts... i know i gave Sire head and he fucked me as well... i know that Sire untied me... But the timing of when things happened gets all wonky after i was turned on my face...
Goodness, i love rope subspace...
Friday, February 5, 2016
Ask and you will receive...
Going through my sticker chart yesterday while Daddy was laying in bed and i only had one more task left, which was to kiss Daddy's feet. As i pulled off the blanket and kissed His feet, i thought about how much i worship this man. He gives me everything i need and want. i told Him that i worship the ground that He walks on, and i do.
One of the things He has been helping me with is asking for things. Asking for anything is hard for me. i hate asking for help and will try everything i can to do something on my own before i ask Him to help. Likewise, i figure that if He wants to play, then He will tell me and otherwise, He doesn't really want to play... So that is another thing i have difficulty asking for... But last night, i asked anyway...
Me: Daddy... Can we play?
Daddy: oh... You want to play, do you... And after I am already in bed and everything...
Me: sorry Daddy... Nevermind...
Daddy: you know I was just playing with you... Now, go get the rope...
Me: *eyes wide* the rope... Yes Daddy, i will get the rope for you *in awe*
Goodness, you all know how much i just love my rope... It has been fucking hot and I can't get enough of it. Daddy tied my feet and something about the rope running on my feet helped me get to subspace quicker... He kept me in it for a while, as long as i could handle it. After taking it off, we fucked like animals... i was so far gone into His land of control and use. i was in my version of heaven...
One of the things He has been helping me with is asking for things. Asking for anything is hard for me. i hate asking for help and will try everything i can to do something on my own before i ask Him to help. Likewise, i figure that if He wants to play, then He will tell me and otherwise, He doesn't really want to play... So that is another thing i have difficulty asking for... But last night, i asked anyway...
Me: Daddy... Can we play?
Daddy: oh... You want to play, do you... And after I am already in bed and everything...
Me: sorry Daddy... Nevermind...
Daddy: you know I was just playing with you... Now, go get the rope...
Me: *eyes wide* the rope... Yes Daddy, i will get the rope for you *in awe*
Goodness, you all know how much i just love my rope... It has been fucking hot and I can't get enough of it. Daddy tied my feet and something about the rope running on my feet helped me get to subspace quicker... He kept me in it for a while, as long as i could handle it. After taking it off, we fucked like animals... i was so far gone into His land of control and use. i was in my version of heaven...
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Wednesday rewards
This sticker chart is working out very very well. So far, i have had 2.5 weeks without a bad sticker. i am also earning my midweek rope reward... The things a girl will do for some regular rope play. If i have done good, then on Wednesdays, i can ask for rope and i won't be denied. Daddy doesn't really like rope, but will do it for me if He has to and He is more than aware of my addiction to it.
Sire came over to talk with Daddy. After re-reading my blog about our night together and the aftermath, Sire wanted to address the issue that was brought to the surface. If I have an amazing night and Daddy's night does not meet His expectations, then i become pretty upset. After discussing this more, the way to alleviate the problem is to make sure Daddy can always fuck me before bed. This would mean that slumber parties would be out for a little while, but meeting Daddy's needs and expectations will always be my top priority and Sire understand that objective.
Then, Daddy left us alone to do rope as He needed to run to the grocery store. This time, my hands held my shoulders as they were mummy wrapped and my legs were incorporated in. i slipped off into my lovely rope head space and gave Sire head while i was bound. It has been a while since i have enjoyed sexual things and rope together. i thought it was something that didn't work for me anymore... Another thing that got broken in the hot mess of September as Sir was the only one who easily combined sex and rope for me... But the love that Sire pours into his rope artwork put me in a space that enabled me to enjoy it.
While Sire's cock was in my mouth, Daddy came home for a bit. He liked calling me a dirty whore. He touched and played for a minute and then went out for a smoke. Sire undid my legs from the main tie, but still controlled my feet with his hands. He fucked me and enjoyed feeling my pussy wrap around his cock. Then Daddy came back in and the ropes came off.
Sire said it was time for him to go, but then Daddy started to stick His cock in my ass and Sire wanted to stay and watch. So, as Sire watched, i took the head of Daddy's cock in my ass and started tugging at Sire, who pulled his dick out and asked me if i wanted to suck it -of course i wanted too... Dirty whore over here, lol-. Two cocks at once and i was enjoying every second of it. Daddy started fucking my pussy because the anal was not working out as great as He had wanted. Then it really was time to go.
We walked Sire out and Daddy let me walk him all the way to his truck where we kissed and spoke of our love. When i walked back, we smoked a little and went back inside. i was able to fuck Daddy some more and take more anal from Him as well, but only a little more... My ass is a finicky bitch sometimes, lol... And this time, we got pictures of the rope, so excited!!
Sire came over to talk with Daddy. After re-reading my blog about our night together and the aftermath, Sire wanted to address the issue that was brought to the surface. If I have an amazing night and Daddy's night does not meet His expectations, then i become pretty upset. After discussing this more, the way to alleviate the problem is to make sure Daddy can always fuck me before bed. This would mean that slumber parties would be out for a little while, but meeting Daddy's needs and expectations will always be my top priority and Sire understand that objective.
Then, Daddy left us alone to do rope as He needed to run to the grocery store. This time, my hands held my shoulders as they were mummy wrapped and my legs were incorporated in. i slipped off into my lovely rope head space and gave Sire head while i was bound. It has been a while since i have enjoyed sexual things and rope together. i thought it was something that didn't work for me anymore... Another thing that got broken in the hot mess of September as Sir was the only one who easily combined sex and rope for me... But the love that Sire pours into his rope artwork put me in a space that enabled me to enjoy it.
While Sire's cock was in my mouth, Daddy came home for a bit. He liked calling me a dirty whore. He touched and played for a minute and then went out for a smoke. Sire undid my legs from the main tie, but still controlled my feet with his hands. He fucked me and enjoyed feeling my pussy wrap around his cock. Then Daddy came back in and the ropes came off.
Sire said it was time for him to go, but then Daddy started to stick His cock in my ass and Sire wanted to stay and watch. So, as Sire watched, i took the head of Daddy's cock in my ass and started tugging at Sire, who pulled his dick out and asked me if i wanted to suck it -of course i wanted too... Dirty whore over here, lol-. Two cocks at once and i was enjoying every second of it. Daddy started fucking my pussy because the anal was not working out as great as He had wanted. Then it really was time to go.
We walked Sire out and Daddy let me walk him all the way to his truck where we kissed and spoke of our love. When i walked back, we smoked a little and went back inside. i was able to fuck Daddy some more and take more anal from Him as well, but only a little more... My ass is a finicky bitch sometimes, lol... And this time, we got pictures of the rope, so excited!!
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Support
So my grandma passed away yesterday and my heart has been aching. Twinsie came over today and made us some delicious homemade comfort food and then went to the store to get stuff to make a fresh pan of brownies and my favorite ice cream... It helps to feel love and support in difficult times.
Thank you for the love and support today, Twinsie. i appreciate you.
Also, fyi, i love the fluffy fox socks you got me for my birthday!
Thank you for the love and support today, Twinsie. i appreciate you.
Also, fyi, i love the fluffy fox socks you got me for my birthday!
Poly family meeting
A lot happened at the meeting... My big takeaways:
i continue to love all of these people. My heart is so open and free. My foundation with my Daddy enables me to love freely and be myself because i am always safe at the end of the day.
- Perception is a bitch, as always.
- In a poly family, perception always needs to be addressed with fact to help remove drama.
- i was so proud of the communication that opened up between all members of the family and feel as though we made some ground in understanding each other.
- The past does not define us, but can help understand what is coloring our perceptions. Letting the past go is important for future growth.
- My Daddy, who hates leading stuff, stepped into a leadership role and it made me proud.
- i really like mediation and making sure the conversation stays on track with all perspectives involved.
- From my perspective, i am in a Master/slave relationship with Daddy, a dating relationship with Sire, and a friendship with benefits with Sweetheart and Twinsie until we figure out where we want things to go to.
i continue to love all of these people. My heart is so open and free. My foundation with my Daddy enables me to love freely and be myself because i am always safe at the end of the day.
Dripping Mormonism
i woke up Saturday morning earlier than everyone in the house, so i got up and went outside with a cup of cocoa cappuccino and my phone and Sire's book, which is how i usually like to start Saturday and Sunday mornings. As i cracked open the book, my phone vibrated. i checked it and it was my mom, notifying me that my grandma is passing... My heart dropped and i started crying on the patio...
Suddenly, it was like losing my son all over again, which was a different experience for me. Before he passed, i had no reaction to death. Now that he is gone, every death impacts me so deeply and reminds me of the feeling of actually losing him. i will never need to be reminded of the fact that he is gone, but the feeling of losing him is something that i would like to stop feeling... That heartbreak is different than the normal heartache i feel. If you have lost a child with special needs, then you know how hard this feeling is... One of great joy because they no longer have to suffer, but also of great misery because everything in life revolved around that child before they passed and it is like the sun has been taken out of the solar system and we are aimlessly drifting around...
i had planned to do the zoo in the morning and then go to dispose of my garments in the evening. My mom said to continue with my day as she hadn't passed yet and she wouldn't want me waiting around for her to pass on... They knew i had already experienced that back in September as my beautiful boy wasted away to nothing before his bright light finally moved to another plane...
So we went to the zoo, Daddy, Sweetheart, my dad, myself, and my two boys. We had so much fun at the zoo. Sweetheart and i were picking on each other like sisters the whole time we were there. Pushing on each other, hitting, holding hands, and running around like little kids. i hip checked her and she spilled water on herself because she had an open water bottle in her hands, so she dumped water down my underwear... Good times, lol...
Saturday evening came quickly after the zoo. We went to Twinsie's house and set up the party. She had done most of the cleaning the night before. We still had some items to grab at the store, but Daddy was excited after watching girls cleaning and setting up for the party, so He fucked Twinsie as i had my monthly visitor (stupid period). After Daddy went to the store, Sire came in with his happy smile and i released the frustration and worry from the night before.
i tried to start the fire, but had Sire help cuz blowing on a lot of tinder wasn't working on the wood we brought. Frisky, her Master, and a new friend came along. Lil fox had to cancel and Sweetheart was uninvited due to Twinsie's request because of the drama filled SWLC weekend. i had decided that i wasn't going to burn my garments that day because of my headspace from the night before and the loss of my grandma.
While waiting for the fire, Twinsie and Daddy had gone inside. i honestly wanted to get the burning part over so Sire and i could play. i missed my sweet Sire as the drama of the weekend took a toll on each of us. They were taking too long, so i went in to find them. As Daddy came out first, He quickly filled me in on what was taking them so long. Twinsie was upset because we were chatting about stories from the night before and she wasn't aware that Sire went to our house that evening and felt she was lied to.
My only hard limit is lying. i can't stand it. i would rather be hurt with the truth than to unknowingly live a lie. So my first instinct was to go talk to Sire about it and get to the bottom of it. When i turned to go talk to him, Daddy told me to save it for another time so we didn't ruin everyone's night... So i listened, but it put me in a bad headspace.
i tried to participate in the burning, but just kept burying myself in the booze and the bud. Neither wanted to work for me. i sat with Sire and cuddled as the garments burned and we watched the aftermath drip from a log into a weird gooey puddle, destroyed in one of the methods required by the institution... We do like to follow rules, after all. Then we went to the play room and Sire used my rope on me. i was able to partially lose myself in the artwork of Sire's rope laying skills. My legs were bound tightly into the number 4 and my arms were tied behind my back. He then flipped me over and the pain was just what i needed to feel comforted. He allowed me to stay in the rope for a while, which was awesome. His hands were on me and He fingered and licked my ass. We cuddled together and watched as our other friends played. Frisky watched our scene and seemed happy when Sire mentioned that she was watching a blog happen before it was posted. Frisky reads my blog pretty regularly -thank you sweetie- and keeps me on top of it... Don't want to disappoint my readers, lol.
i watched from afar as Twinsie placed needless in Frisky's back. It was hot! Then Daddy had me move to a spot closer to the action and the smell of alcohol gave me a bad headache, so i had to move back to my spot by the door to get fresher air. We decided to go back outside, so Sire built the fire again. As the music played, i danced on my Daddy and we watched a scene between our friends on the lawn.
Then, it was time for us to go as He had to work the next morning. In the car ride home, i became upset because the drama was overwhelming for me. Daddy decided that we needed to sit down as a group and determine which direction everything was moving and to remove the drama all together.
After we got home, He fucked me into that toy subspace again. He doesn't usually like to use me when i am on my period... Just too messy between that and the squirting, but i think He could feel how much i needed to be out of my own head that night.
Suddenly, it was like losing my son all over again, which was a different experience for me. Before he passed, i had no reaction to death. Now that he is gone, every death impacts me so deeply and reminds me of the feeling of actually losing him. i will never need to be reminded of the fact that he is gone, but the feeling of losing him is something that i would like to stop feeling... That heartbreak is different than the normal heartache i feel. If you have lost a child with special needs, then you know how hard this feeling is... One of great joy because they no longer have to suffer, but also of great misery because everything in life revolved around that child before they passed and it is like the sun has been taken out of the solar system and we are aimlessly drifting around...
i had planned to do the zoo in the morning and then go to dispose of my garments in the evening. My mom said to continue with my day as she hadn't passed yet and she wouldn't want me waiting around for her to pass on... They knew i had already experienced that back in September as my beautiful boy wasted away to nothing before his bright light finally moved to another plane...
So we went to the zoo, Daddy, Sweetheart, my dad, myself, and my two boys. We had so much fun at the zoo. Sweetheart and i were picking on each other like sisters the whole time we were there. Pushing on each other, hitting, holding hands, and running around like little kids. i hip checked her and she spilled water on herself because she had an open water bottle in her hands, so she dumped water down my underwear... Good times, lol...
Saturday evening came quickly after the zoo. We went to Twinsie's house and set up the party. She had done most of the cleaning the night before. We still had some items to grab at the store, but Daddy was excited after watching girls cleaning and setting up for the party, so He fucked Twinsie as i had my monthly visitor (stupid period). After Daddy went to the store, Sire came in with his happy smile and i released the frustration and worry from the night before.
i tried to start the fire, but had Sire help cuz blowing on a lot of tinder wasn't working on the wood we brought. Frisky, her Master, and a new friend came along. Lil fox had to cancel and Sweetheart was uninvited due to Twinsie's request because of the drama filled SWLC weekend. i had decided that i wasn't going to burn my garments that day because of my headspace from the night before and the loss of my grandma.
While waiting for the fire, Twinsie and Daddy had gone inside. i honestly wanted to get the burning part over so Sire and i could play. i missed my sweet Sire as the drama of the weekend took a toll on each of us. They were taking too long, so i went in to find them. As Daddy came out first, He quickly filled me in on what was taking them so long. Twinsie was upset because we were chatting about stories from the night before and she wasn't aware that Sire went to our house that evening and felt she was lied to.
My only hard limit is lying. i can't stand it. i would rather be hurt with the truth than to unknowingly live a lie. So my first instinct was to go talk to Sire about it and get to the bottom of it. When i turned to go talk to him, Daddy told me to save it for another time so we didn't ruin everyone's night... So i listened, but it put me in a bad headspace.
i tried to participate in the burning, but just kept burying myself in the booze and the bud. Neither wanted to work for me. i sat with Sire and cuddled as the garments burned and we watched the aftermath drip from a log into a weird gooey puddle, destroyed in one of the methods required by the institution... We do like to follow rules, after all. Then we went to the play room and Sire used my rope on me. i was able to partially lose myself in the artwork of Sire's rope laying skills. My legs were bound tightly into the number 4 and my arms were tied behind my back. He then flipped me over and the pain was just what i needed to feel comforted. He allowed me to stay in the rope for a while, which was awesome. His hands were on me and He fingered and licked my ass. We cuddled together and watched as our other friends played. Frisky watched our scene and seemed happy when Sire mentioned that she was watching a blog happen before it was posted. Frisky reads my blog pretty regularly -thank you sweetie- and keeps me on top of it... Don't want to disappoint my readers, lol.
i watched from afar as Twinsie placed needless in Frisky's back. It was hot! Then Daddy had me move to a spot closer to the action and the smell of alcohol gave me a bad headache, so i had to move back to my spot by the door to get fresher air. We decided to go back outside, so Sire built the fire again. As the music played, i danced on my Daddy and we watched a scene between our friends on the lawn.
Then, it was time for us to go as He had to work the next morning. In the car ride home, i became upset because the drama was overwhelming for me. Daddy decided that we needed to sit down as a group and determine which direction everything was moving and to remove the drama all together.
After we got home, He fucked me into that toy subspace again. He doesn't usually like to use me when i am on my period... Just too messy between that and the squirting, but i think He could feel how much i needed to be out of my own head that night.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Drunken frustration
My heart sank as my sweet Sire hopped out of his truck, swigging from a whisky bottle that looked over halfway gone. Sweetheart asked when the bottle had been purchased and when he said that it was purchased after he got off work that day, i knew we were off to the races.
One thing i hadn't discussed yet with Sire was my issue with drinking and driving. My dad, when i was growing up, was in and out of jail for most of my life due to DUIs, so i have a special frustration that comes with drinking and driving. i will not get behind the wheel if i have had more than 1 beverage in the last hour. i know that people have different tolerances, but it frustrates me regardless.
The night started out with me frustrated and then moved to me being worried. There was a point where Sire had pulled out a knife and came toward Sweetheart that worried me. i wasn't particularly scared because knife play is a thing, but i was worried due to the amount of alcohol. When i mentioned that blood play was not allowed at my house, the knife was put away immediately.
i struggled with frustration and worry through the rest of the night. Daddy did a great job at helping manage the night and assisted with calming everything down. We finally turned on the movie Secretary and then we all kind of passed out.
Nobody drove away from the house drunk, so that made me happy. He has also promised not to do it again, which i trust.
One thing i hadn't discussed yet with Sire was my issue with drinking and driving. My dad, when i was growing up, was in and out of jail for most of my life due to DUIs, so i have a special frustration that comes with drinking and driving. i will not get behind the wheel if i have had more than 1 beverage in the last hour. i know that people have different tolerances, but it frustrates me regardless.
The night started out with me frustrated and then moved to me being worried. There was a point where Sire had pulled out a knife and came toward Sweetheart that worried me. i wasn't particularly scared because knife play is a thing, but i was worried due to the amount of alcohol. When i mentioned that blood play was not allowed at my house, the knife was put away immediately.
i struggled with frustration and worry through the rest of the night. Daddy did a great job at helping manage the night and assisted with calming everything down. We finally turned on the movie Secretary and then we all kind of passed out.
Nobody drove away from the house drunk, so that made me happy. He has also promised not to do it again, which i trust.
Hanging with Friends
After the SWLC was over, we were able to spend some time with each of our loved ones. The weekend had been a difficult one and so decompression was needed. We offered a therapy spot of some sort to come and replenish and breathe.
Sire was the first one to come over on Tuesday. We spoke about shifts in dynamics and changes overall. Daddy and Sire smoked some cigars as i made sure both had an adequate supply of water. After finding out that Sire's truck wasn't going to be ready to pick up (it was in the shop and he was riding a motorcycle), we offered to have him stay for dinner. Daddy took the boys out to get fast food and i showed Sire how i can ride. While playing with Sire, i was able to release control and slip into the toy space i usually get to with Daddy. It was amazing. We were done and chatting on the couch by the time they came back.
Twinsie came over the next day and we had dinner and i cleaned as she watched movies with Daddy. She came to help me and i sent her back to the couch because having her keep Daddy company doing something i don't really like that much (watching TV) was a better help to me than having her in the kitchen cleaning up. i took the boys to Walmart so Daddy and Twinsie could have their own kid-free fuck session. They were also out and chatting when we got back. After the kids went to bed, she stayed and watched our nighttime routine. She saw the sticker chart in action and the rope Daddy did. Making a drink with one's arms tied behind one's back is pretty difficult, but i got it done.
The next day, Sweetheart came over and we chatted and pushed and played with each other. We cuddled into bed together and I scratched her a lot. We decided to take our friendship to a friendship with benefits. We play and goof around and are just getting to know each other.
Each person is so different and i love them all.
Sire was the first one to come over on Tuesday. We spoke about shifts in dynamics and changes overall. Daddy and Sire smoked some cigars as i made sure both had an adequate supply of water. After finding out that Sire's truck wasn't going to be ready to pick up (it was in the shop and he was riding a motorcycle), we offered to have him stay for dinner. Daddy took the boys out to get fast food and i showed Sire how i can ride. While playing with Sire, i was able to release control and slip into the toy space i usually get to with Daddy. It was amazing. We were done and chatting on the couch by the time they came back.
Twinsie came over the next day and we had dinner and i cleaned as she watched movies with Daddy. She came to help me and i sent her back to the couch because having her keep Daddy company doing something i don't really like that much (watching TV) was a better help to me than having her in the kitchen cleaning up. i took the boys to Walmart so Daddy and Twinsie could have their own kid-free fuck session. They were also out and chatting when we got back. After the kids went to bed, she stayed and watched our nighttime routine. She saw the sticker chart in action and the rope Daddy did. Making a drink with one's arms tied behind one's back is pretty difficult, but i got it done.
The next day, Sweetheart came over and we chatted and pushed and played with each other. We cuddled into bed together and I scratched her a lot. We decided to take our friendship to a friendship with benefits. We play and goof around and are just getting to know each other.
Each person is so different and i love them all.
Dance of Souls-SWLC
First of all, i wasn't there. i did not go this year, but i still got to experience some of it through my loved ones and there was a part of me that was in that drum circle...
i wasn't there, but i turned on the Pandora station i have that plays the music locked inside of me and danced with them. i took screenshots of the songs that i listened to that seemed to speak to me. The first song on was an Ellie Goulding song called Ritual... Couldn't have been better...
As i danced in my kitchen and swayed to the beat, my heart felt heavy. It felt dark and heavy and confused at the beginning. As the time went on, the heavy lifted and peace and light filled its place... My energy bled over to that space and was used where needed. After an hour of dancing, i decided to let it go. i felt that my participation was no longer needed.
i wasn't there, but i turned on the Pandora station i have that plays the music locked inside of me and danced with them. i took screenshots of the songs that i listened to that seemed to speak to me. The first song on was an Ellie Goulding song called Ritual... Couldn't have been better...
As i danced in my kitchen and swayed to the beat, my heart felt heavy. It felt dark and heavy and confused at the beginning. As the time went on, the heavy lifted and peace and light filled its place... My energy bled over to that space and was used where needed. After an hour of dancing, i decided to let it go. i felt that my participation was no longer needed.
Bonfire
It is pretty apparent that i live a less vanilla life as i stand around with all my family members at a bonfire and have nothing really to talk with them about... Sigh...
Slumber party
This weekend was the wonderful Southwest Leather Conference. With half of our poly family attending, we set up some friendship dates over the weekend, cuz i still need the distractions. Without the distractions, i get lost in my depression and heart wrenching sadness...
We had a brewery night planned with my Ma'am, but she ended up having to work later than we were prepared to stay out as we were going to the zoo on Saturday. We had already invited lil fox and so she decided to come and spend the night to go with us to the zoo the next day.
We ended up having a really fun slumber party. We started by going out to eat. We chose a Chili's by our house, and as a funny coincidence, the waiter was the same one from this blog posting called Library Book... Lol... He let me take a selfie with him and send it to Sir.
Then we went to the store for booze... Cuz what type of adult slumber party doesn't have booze, ha-ha. While at the Fry's, we noticed the whole section of Valentine's day stuff. Two big bins were filled with ginormous stuffed animals. i stared at them, wanting to hop in, but not moving to on my own. That is when lil fox suggested it, so i hopped in. We got fun pictures of the experience, lol...
Then after we got home, we colored. We chatted for a bit and then it was time for bed. i helped get lil fox situated on the couch and then went into the room and fucked the shit out of Daddy. Once He was taken care of, i went and laid down on the couch as well. We chatted a little more and then fell asleep. The zoo the next morning was amazing and i was finally able to give lil fox the panda socks she earned for being a good girl.
We had a brewery night planned with my Ma'am, but she ended up having to work later than we were prepared to stay out as we were going to the zoo on Saturday. We had already invited lil fox and so she decided to come and spend the night to go with us to the zoo the next day.
We ended up having a really fun slumber party. We started by going out to eat. We chose a Chili's by our house, and as a funny coincidence, the waiter was the same one from this blog posting called Library Book... Lol... He let me take a selfie with him and send it to Sir.
Then we went to the store for booze... Cuz what type of adult slumber party doesn't have booze, ha-ha. While at the Fry's, we noticed the whole section of Valentine's day stuff. Two big bins were filled with ginormous stuffed animals. i stared at them, wanting to hop in, but not moving to on my own. That is when lil fox suggested it, so i hopped in. We got fun pictures of the experience, lol...
Then after we got home, we colored. We chatted for a bit and then it was time for bed. i helped get lil fox situated on the couch and then went into the room and fucked the shit out of Daddy. Once He was taken care of, i went and laid down on the couch as well. We chatted a little more and then fell asleep. The zoo the next morning was amazing and i was finally able to give lil fox the panda socks she earned for being a good girl.
A slave's dilemma
After the amazing date night and the wonderful day with Daddy the next day, one would think i would have been on cloud nine... But in reality, i was struggling and upset. i snapped repeatedly at Daddy. When Sire asked to schedule a date on the Monday after SWLC, i kinda lost my shit and started sending long and erratic text messages.
i just felt like everything was too much and i couldn't find happiness and balance within myself. So, i did what i do and i talked it out with my Loves and my closest friends to see what was going on. My hammer of truth sometimes catches others off guard and can also be pretty blunt, which is why i call it a truth hammer, lol... Sometimes, it even catches me off guard, lol... When i first starting talking, i requested a pump on the breaks to determine why i was freaking over making plans and allowing myself to let go when i am with Sire. When i sent a screenshot of the conversation to Daddy, He was interested in how prepared i was to stop everything to make sure He is always taken care of. i wondered if i deserved the level of freedom i had on my date if Daddy didn't get it as well. i felt like i did when it was happening, but now i wasn't as sure...
The more i talked, the more i realized that i was really upset. My slave heart was upset that my date night went better than my Daddy's date night and i experienced freedom from everything while He was stuck. As a slave, my night should never go better than Daddy's. That night, Daddy had anticipated and expected to get off. When that didn't happen and He was left sexually frustrated, it fucked with my head.
Upon determining that, we decided to discuss how to set up proper expectations so we can plan better. Daddy realized that He needs to set His expectations to match the other person He is hanging with and it would be good. If all else fails, we need to ensure that i am available to come home and fuck Him if He is expecting that and is not getting it. As long as His night goes well, i am comfortable with having my own nights as well.
i just felt like everything was too much and i couldn't find happiness and balance within myself. So, i did what i do and i talked it out with my Loves and my closest friends to see what was going on. My hammer of truth sometimes catches others off guard and can also be pretty blunt, which is why i call it a truth hammer, lol... Sometimes, it even catches me off guard, lol... When i first starting talking, i requested a pump on the breaks to determine why i was freaking over making plans and allowing myself to let go when i am with Sire. When i sent a screenshot of the conversation to Daddy, He was interested in how prepared i was to stop everything to make sure He is always taken care of. i wondered if i deserved the level of freedom i had on my date if Daddy didn't get it as well. i felt like i did when it was happening, but now i wasn't as sure...
The more i talked, the more i realized that i was really upset. My slave heart was upset that my date night went better than my Daddy's date night and i experienced freedom from everything while He was stuck. As a slave, my night should never go better than Daddy's. That night, Daddy had anticipated and expected to get off. When that didn't happen and He was left sexually frustrated, it fucked with my head.
Upon determining that, we decided to discuss how to set up proper expectations so we can plan better. Daddy realized that He needs to set His expectations to match the other person He is hanging with and it would be good. If all else fails, we need to ensure that i am available to come home and fuck Him if He is expecting that and is not getting it. As long as His night goes well, i am comfortable with having my own nights as well.
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