Worry...

So, on Wednesday, i had a biopsy done of that stupid spot that was found on the mammogram and i have to wait until Monday or Tuesday for the results because of the holiday... i am a little worried, but putting on my brave face for now... i have been telling myself, "could be benign and there is no need to worry before the results come... i shouldn't worry needlessly..." and things along those lines, but it is still scary... Still worrisome... sigh...

On a positive note, via text, the spark with the new girl is smoldering... Can't wait to see that spark turn into a flame... We are now doing a three way text and it is so flipping hot to see Papa Bear and her talk about sex and fun things to try.  Our dynamic seems to still be working well while starting the dating process, which makes me really happy. i am trying to make sure i am balancing my time with Papa Bear and her so that i am paying attention to both of them. The three way texting is definitely helping me with this because i feel like we all have equal opportunity to meet and chat...

As a woman, i have so many insecurities about the way i look and behave... In a way, it is another area i am worried about, but it is an excited and nervous worry, versus the doom and gloom worry waiting of on stupid biopsy results...

Current worries regarding next step in the threesome process:

• i look a lot better with my clothes on because i carry my weight well... What if she runs screaming when she sees my body? What if i am not really what she is looking for? What if i am too insecure? too fat? too flabby?
• i am a big pansy... What if i can't handle her level of play? Should i even be concerned about that? i am sure Papa Bear would handle us differently based on our individual levels...
• i am nervous... What if she doesn't like it? What if i don't like it? What if Papa Bear doesn't like it? That last one is highly doubtful, but you never know. He has only seen me make out with strippers at the club, not with someone i can see myself becoming invested in... What if i get too nervous? i can sometimes have an anxious personality and it can get me really ramped up and ready to go or can make me over think things...
• i am kind of neurotic... What if she finds that annoying or just too crazy, lol?

As you can tell, the what ifs are endless... That being said, i am still excited and eager to please... Both my Papa Bear and her...