For a while, i am going to be using Master instead of Papa Bear to help me stay in a better frame of mind... After yesterday's freakout, i feel like i need to implement some things to help with maintaining my sanity, even in this blog. Using M/s verbiage is one thing... i am still debating whether i should take away the i pronoun, but at this point, it will stay unless things push even further...
Master said that i am not allowed to think about taking His favorite toy away from Him (me) as thoughts of suicide ran through my head yesterday... Thankfully, we did not have any deadly pills in the medicine cabinet... Unfortunately, i got to the point where i actually looked... Sometimes the weight of my son's condition just crushes me flat and makes me want to escape it all... Yesterday was one of those days... At least the morning was...
The rest of the day, Master commanded me. He had me make very specific meals for the day, had me do chores around the house, and basically got me out of my head. When i follow His direction, i don't think about anything else but pleasing Him, which helps so much more than i think He knows. He was also more vocal with His requests, which i liked a lot.
After a day of following Master's direction, i asked for play... Specifically, electric play... i don't like it, but Master loves it and He wants me to work on my tolerance... He would prefer that i get excited about electric play, so asking Him for it seemed like a good first step. He had me set up the electric wand and get out a new flogger to play with once we got the kids in bed.
We used 2 different attachments and i think i did really well. He gave me a pretty good ab workout with the needle attachment He has. i also handled the flogger pretty well, until it whipped and smacked me in the pussy!! Ouch!! My Master then screwed my mouth and pussy until we both came together. He made me orgasm while we were going through the most painful parts of the flogging and electric play to get my mind to believe pain and pleasure go together... Such a caring Master!
Im so glad he is helping you get through this. When I find myself unhappy, I find I need my Sir more. I need his direction more. When I debate on what I should do and am truly indecisive, I leave the decision up to him. Perhaps the i pronoun decision could be his as well.
ReplyDeleteHe is my rock and my tether. As we have grown in the relationship together, i have found that the more decisions He makes for me, the happier i am.
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