I am done writing in this blog...
To all my avid readers, maybe I will come back... but I highly doubt it. I have determined that my life is now my own business. I am no longer on display.
Have a fun filled life and make sure you focus on yourself... you are all you have... really... love you all.
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Friday, July 22, 2016
Drama
I am past frustrated with a very good friend of mine that I feel is basically being an ass hat. My sorority (The Truth Hammers) and I would love to help you if you could get your head out of your own ass!
Why don't you explain yourself to me instead of letting me just not understand... why don't you let me be your friend... why do you have to be so stuck on how horrible you think everything is... why do you keep doing this to yourself?! it's enough...
I will not allow this energy sucking to continue. I love you and if you ever get your head out of your ass, unfuck yourself, and remember that the world doesn't revolve around you, only yours does, just like mine revolves around me, then I will be there...
Until then, just forget that I exist... I have too much sadness and pain in my life to be dragged around by you...
Please notice that I did not attach this to anyone specifically and it is Uber vague because I didn't want to ask permission to post this, so if the shoe fits, please wear it. Regardless of what time in my life you are reading this...
let this be a wake up call to yourself as well, foxy... if you read this and it sounds like you, please please make a change...
Why don't you explain yourself to me instead of letting me just not understand... why don't you let me be your friend... why do you have to be so stuck on how horrible you think everything is... why do you keep doing this to yourself?! it's enough...
I will not allow this energy sucking to continue. I love you and if you ever get your head out of your ass, unfuck yourself, and remember that the world doesn't revolve around you, only yours does, just like mine revolves around me, then I will be there...
Until then, just forget that I exist... I have too much sadness and pain in my life to be dragged around by you...
Please notice that I did not attach this to anyone specifically and it is Uber vague because I didn't want to ask permission to post this, so if the shoe fits, please wear it. Regardless of what time in my life you are reading this...
let this be a wake up call to yourself as well, foxy... if you read this and it sounds like you, please please make a change...
Twitterpated
To be a fly on the wall watching a couple in love... newly in love... twitterpated... I am overjoyed to see these interactions... now that I have released myself from the past by giving Daddy my control, I am no longer annoyed or angered or hurt by their actions with each other. I see these interactions for what they are: two amazing people connecting and learning and engaging and discovering, instead of them trying to hurt me.
So, on Wednesday night, Sweetheart sat in her chair before Daddy came outside. When he got outside, he noticed that his water was missing. He said where are my waters and she hopped up to get them.
Side note: I am liking that my chores are more oriented around caring for our home/family and hers are more focused on taking care of him (we all have a chore chart now!!!)... I have already been doing that for a while and love having the break... (love you Daddy!)
He sits in her seat, with the biggest grin on his face and says watch this... she turns around and sees him in the chair and her face looks so angry. He starts asking her what's wrong in a very teasing voice and she says, my chair! And sits in the other chair when he doesn't get up... and pouts... grumbly looking...
Then Daddy says something about her not forgetting about his waters if she wants to pick her seat. She glares. He asks if she wants her seat now. She says she doesn't... he asks her to stand up and come to him... I grin... she does... he grabs her and throws her over his lap and gives her 2 sound spankings right on the carport.
And her face... pink... flushed... grinning...
And his face... pink... flushed... grinning...
And my face... smiling... watchful... hopeful...
Oh, new love... how beautiful you are...
So, on Wednesday night, Sweetheart sat in her chair before Daddy came outside. When he got outside, he noticed that his water was missing. He said where are my waters and she hopped up to get them.
Side note: I am liking that my chores are more oriented around caring for our home/family and hers are more focused on taking care of him (we all have a chore chart now!!!)... I have already been doing that for a while and love having the break... (love you Daddy!)
He sits in her seat, with the biggest grin on his face and says watch this... she turns around and sees him in the chair and her face looks so angry. He starts asking her what's wrong in a very teasing voice and she says, my chair! And sits in the other chair when he doesn't get up... and pouts... grumbly looking...
Then Daddy says something about her not forgetting about his waters if she wants to pick her seat. She glares. He asks if she wants her seat now. She says she doesn't... he asks her to stand up and come to him... I grin... she does... he grabs her and throws her over his lap and gives her 2 sound spankings right on the carport.
And her face... pink... flushed... grinning...
And his face... pink... flushed... grinning...
And my face... smiling... watchful... hopeful...
Oh, new love... how beautiful you are...
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Carousel
And here I am again... a carousel of emotion... my anger left as I finished cooking dinner and I just wanted my Daddy to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay... so I walk into the room where he is resting and use the restroom. As I walk past, he lifts a hand and calls me to him with his fingers. I obey... it feels good... I lay down next to him... we started to talk about how I feel that he doesn't even think about me and before I know it, I am falling apart. I am crying. I am out of control...
I ask him why he doesn't try for me... why he isn't fighting for me... why he is letting the Bitch win... I have lost control... I am falling... I hate this... I need help... I beg him to help me...I am so broken...
And he tells me he isn't leaving. I tell him I know. Every time he has tried to fight, he loses. I tell him I know... he is discouraged. I tell him I know... he can't function well without her bright smile and happy laugh. I know... he just wants me happy. I know...
He says I am thinking too much and I believe he is right. I am thinking about the pain of the past instead of staying present. He will help me move forward in our current reality if I let him. Do I let him?
I need him to take back ownership because I need it, not because he needs it or demands it. I am thinking too much and I need to stop. I am allowing my mind to run rampant and drive me insane unnecessarily. I am giving it back. He can have my slavery back. I can't feel like this anymore... it's too much for me right now. I am dealing with enough... I don't need to create a situation where one isn't necessary. I just want to go back to being happy.
I ask him why he doesn't try for me... why he isn't fighting for me... why he is letting the Bitch win... I have lost control... I am falling... I hate this... I need help... I beg him to help me...I am so broken...
And he tells me he isn't leaving. I tell him I know. Every time he has tried to fight, he loses. I tell him I know... he is discouraged. I tell him I know... he can't function well without her bright smile and happy laugh. I know... he just wants me happy. I know...
He says I am thinking too much and I believe he is right. I am thinking about the pain of the past instead of staying present. He will help me move forward in our current reality if I let him. Do I let him?
I need him to take back ownership because I need it, not because he needs it or demands it. I am thinking too much and I need to stop. I am allowing my mind to run rampant and drive me insane unnecessarily. I am giving it back. He can have my slavery back. I can't feel like this anymore... it's too much for me right now. I am dealing with enough... I don't need to create a situation where one isn't necessary. I just want to go back to being happy.
Opening up to Sweetheart
I woke up, hating him...
I don't usually do that... I usually wake up with love in my heart, but the frustration bled over from the night before. Another first in a long line of firsts in this new step in our lives, where he gets everything he has ever wanted and I continue to work in a job I hate, without the things I want. I think you can tell that I am just a little bitter about it all... and if you go back and read through this blog, maybe you will understand...
I started talking to Sweetheart about how I hate feeling this way. It doesn't make logical sense for me to dislike her at all, but when I looked at her, I just wanted her gone... away... out of my sight... she asked what part of me wants her gone, which helped me get to the bottom of it...
It isn't that I am jealous of her or her relationship with Daddy... I am jealous of him... he has his escape and mine are gone... He has his new love and i am happy for them, but at the same time, I don't like that he gets to have an amazing distraction from our sorrows when I don't... I don't like that he gets to love another woman when me loving other men always made him upset and agitated...
Sweetheart said that she just wants me to be happy and maybe she could be a toy for me or something since I am not relationshipping right now...
I started to think about it and if she is really staying, then maybe I can open my heart to her. I am still afraid of her leaving. I am still afraid of him leaving. I think abandonment issues from childhood don't ever go away... you just learn how to push them away. Leaving seems more realistic now that my hard limits have been crossed... it drives me crazy that I couldn't tell there was anything wrong that Sunday.
But I pushed past it all and the three of us played together.... more like we both played with her and she played with each of us. Sure, he and I shared kisses, but that was all... it was a fun evening and it went well overall... it seems like it could work...
I don't usually do that... I usually wake up with love in my heart, but the frustration bled over from the night before. Another first in a long line of firsts in this new step in our lives, where he gets everything he has ever wanted and I continue to work in a job I hate, without the things I want. I think you can tell that I am just a little bitter about it all... and if you go back and read through this blog, maybe you will understand...
I started talking to Sweetheart about how I hate feeling this way. It doesn't make logical sense for me to dislike her at all, but when I looked at her, I just wanted her gone... away... out of my sight... she asked what part of me wants her gone, which helped me get to the bottom of it...
It isn't that I am jealous of her or her relationship with Daddy... I am jealous of him... he has his escape and mine are gone... He has his new love and i am happy for them, but at the same time, I don't like that he gets to have an amazing distraction from our sorrows when I don't... I don't like that he gets to love another woman when me loving other men always made him upset and agitated...
Sweetheart said that she just wants me to be happy and maybe she could be a toy for me or something since I am not relationshipping right now...
I started to think about it and if she is really staying, then maybe I can open my heart to her. I am still afraid of her leaving. I am still afraid of him leaving. I think abandonment issues from childhood don't ever go away... you just learn how to push them away. Leaving seems more realistic now that my hard limits have been crossed... it drives me crazy that I couldn't tell there was anything wrong that Sunday.
But I pushed past it all and the three of us played together.... more like we both played with her and she played with each of us. Sure, he and I shared kisses, but that was all... it was a fun evening and it went well overall... it seems like it could work...
Service with a smile
Last night was almost perfect... almost...
Getting ready to go was a hectic ordeal, but also a lot of fun at the same time. Then, we went out to eat and got the same waiter as Sir and I had long ago. This time, Daddy, and 4 women at the table. Dinner was great and then we were off to party.
At the party, Daddy did a hip harness on me at the beginning. He tied my wrist to my hip. I was able to walk around the party a bit on my own. I went to say hi to Sire , but he was in the middle of a whipping scene.
Then, we set up for Sweetheart's birthday spankings. People came to give her spankings and I was granted 2 of them. As she was getting spanked, Ma'am came to me. I was able to get her a water in service, which felt good. I truly enjoy serving her... she always puts me a little off center...
As everyone dissipated from the birthday spankings, Sire started on an amazing water suspension and he allowed me to assist. His model liked my smile and made me blush with his compliments. I appreciate the friendship we will hopefully keep. I was able to also take some fantastic pics for him using his phone.
After the suspension was in place, I went to find Daddy and Sweetheart. As I was walking to find them, Ma'am asked if I could basically be her fire monitor to ensure she didn't burn her clothes during her performance. I said I would love to and would just need to inform Daddy. She went about getting everything ready.
I found Daddy and Sweetheart in the playroom with the fan and she was giving him a BJ. I ran in, told them of my plan for assisting in fire play, then went back out.
While waiting to assist Ma'am, Sire inquired on assistance with undoing the water suspension. I was able to assist with untying the suspension points on the left side of the pool while he undid the ones on the right. Then, Ma'am was ready for me and I was able to watch her whole performance virtually uninterrupted. It was beautiful. Her hands holding flame. The flame dancing around her arms and torso.
An amazing party with me running around in service... made me so happy to feel useful and appreciated.
Then it was done and it was time to go... we drove straight home, which usually doesn't happen, but we had been prepared with some snack alternatives. Once home, Daddy grabbed me really hard by the hair and pulled. I asked him to be more gentle and he said fine, and let go.
I think that this is when the jealous and shitty feelings started to hook in again. He doesn't really need to work on how he behaves with me anymore now that he has a girl who can take what he wants to give. I think it makes me feel inadequate. Then, he offered to flog me since he was already going to be flogging her... and my head said... wait, don't say yes right away... watch...
I said I would think about it... then he talked to her about flogging and she suggested interspersing this one flogger that was stingier with the other floggers. He took the stingier flogger and just hit her over and over, harder and harder. My brain went into high alert mode and I knew that a yes would mean another failed flogger session for us. I just didn't want that frustration to be compared to how well it went with her.
I kinda felt like an old toy that isn't as much fun to play with anymore... like sex is really the only thing he gets from me that he is interested in... yes, he is trying more with rope, but there are so many other types of play I like too and it hurt to see my toys used on Sweetheart when they are not used on me.
I waited for their session to finish and then told them that I didn't like it. I told them that it hurt my feelings to see him play with her in ways he wasn't really willing to play with me in. He said that he was willing since he offered and I reminded him that I can't take a lot and he usually gets frustrated when I ask him to slow down or not hit as hard.
I was frustrated... and I am sure it came across that way... It was a rough way to end a great night... I am starting to notice feelings of jealousy, which I have not really encountered before...
Getting ready to go was a hectic ordeal, but also a lot of fun at the same time. Then, we went out to eat and got the same waiter as Sir and I had long ago. This time, Daddy, and 4 women at the table. Dinner was great and then we were off to party.
At the party, Daddy did a hip harness on me at the beginning. He tied my wrist to my hip. I was able to walk around the party a bit on my own. I went to say hi to Sire , but he was in the middle of a whipping scene.
Then, we set up for Sweetheart's birthday spankings. People came to give her spankings and I was granted 2 of them. As she was getting spanked, Ma'am came to me. I was able to get her a water in service, which felt good. I truly enjoy serving her... she always puts me a little off center...
As everyone dissipated from the birthday spankings, Sire started on an amazing water suspension and he allowed me to assist. His model liked my smile and made me blush with his compliments. I appreciate the friendship we will hopefully keep. I was able to also take some fantastic pics for him using his phone.
After the suspension was in place, I went to find Daddy and Sweetheart. As I was walking to find them, Ma'am asked if I could basically be her fire monitor to ensure she didn't burn her clothes during her performance. I said I would love to and would just need to inform Daddy. She went about getting everything ready.
I found Daddy and Sweetheart in the playroom with the fan and she was giving him a BJ. I ran in, told them of my plan for assisting in fire play, then went back out.
While waiting to assist Ma'am, Sire inquired on assistance with undoing the water suspension. I was able to assist with untying the suspension points on the left side of the pool while he undid the ones on the right. Then, Ma'am was ready for me and I was able to watch her whole performance virtually uninterrupted. It was beautiful. Her hands holding flame. The flame dancing around her arms and torso.
An amazing party with me running around in service... made me so happy to feel useful and appreciated.
Then it was done and it was time to go... we drove straight home, which usually doesn't happen, but we had been prepared with some snack alternatives. Once home, Daddy grabbed me really hard by the hair and pulled. I asked him to be more gentle and he said fine, and let go.
I think that this is when the jealous and shitty feelings started to hook in again. He doesn't really need to work on how he behaves with me anymore now that he has a girl who can take what he wants to give. I think it makes me feel inadequate. Then, he offered to flog me since he was already going to be flogging her... and my head said... wait, don't say yes right away... watch...
I said I would think about it... then he talked to her about flogging and she suggested interspersing this one flogger that was stingier with the other floggers. He took the stingier flogger and just hit her over and over, harder and harder. My brain went into high alert mode and I knew that a yes would mean another failed flogger session for us. I just didn't want that frustration to be compared to how well it went with her.
I kinda felt like an old toy that isn't as much fun to play with anymore... like sex is really the only thing he gets from me that he is interested in... yes, he is trying more with rope, but there are so many other types of play I like too and it hurt to see my toys used on Sweetheart when they are not used on me.
I waited for their session to finish and then told them that I didn't like it. I told them that it hurt my feelings to see him play with her in ways he wasn't really willing to play with me in. He said that he was willing since he offered and I reminded him that I can't take a lot and he usually gets frustrated when I ask him to slow down or not hit as hard.
I was frustrated... and I am sure it came across that way... It was a rough way to end a great night... I am starting to notice feelings of jealousy, which I have not really encountered before...
Friday, July 15, 2016
Missing her...
She did not come over yesterday after work and we both missed the sunshine she brings with her. We are still struggling through our grief from September and she is a breath of fresh air. Daddy smiles more when she is here... so do I... so does she...
Hope in a BJ
So, yesterday morning at work, I received a text after I got there notifying me that they had sex. I was so grateful that they texted me right away, especially after we had pinky promised the night before.
Upon reading it, my tummy hurt. I thought that it was illogical, but I definitely attributed it to reading the text and requested not to be notified each time they have sex now that I know they are having sex... It made my heart hurt because I am not currently sexually active and I know my Daddy would want to fuck me... then I started thinking about how maybe he didn't want to sleep with me at all cuz he could have that night, and then I have to stop myself from catastrophizing the situation...
They love each other. They were safe. They let me know. Okay, I can breathe.
Then Daddy responded to my writings on this blog and I became very upset. It turns out that he had missed my first posting last week or so about how this new relationship was starting off, so he thought the first thing I wrote was about this mess... thank goodness for open communication!! Once that was explained, I stopped screaming at him in the parking lot... not my proudest moment... I am trying to focus on remaining calm and rational.
Then Daddy reminded me that the in laws were taking the kiddos overnight. So, I started to think about how I wanted the night to go. If we all want it to go positively, then it will! If even one of us didn't want it to work, then it wouldn't... I want it to work.
When I got home, Daddy was doing laundry (immediate way to make this woman horny), and told me to take off my pants. Intrigued, I took them off. Then, he took off the rest of my clothes and picked me up to lay me on the new weight bench he put together that day. He cupped my face in his hands and asked me to belong to him for just this night, so I obliged. Next, he left and then came back with my rope bag... I have floated off to heaven... I know it...
He is turning me into a table when Sweetheart walks in. She looks pleasantly surprised and shared that she thought we hadn't responded to a text she sent because it was going really good or really bad and was hoping for the good. They went out for a smoke and left the table in the living room.
When they came back in, we watched my favorite movie, Mr. Right. It reminds me of myself and the Sir I once had long ago. I couldn't stop laughing!! I was not a very good table...
Then Daddy let me up and we turned Sweetheart into a footstool. I was able to watch just how fast she slipped away into space... he was kicking her and she was moaning... I asked to be able to punch her and I could feel her enjoying herself and then it clicked for me... I want to be happy being me, she wants to be happy being her, and Daddy wants both of us to be happy... win-win-win... we are going to stumble, but as long as we are open and honest in our communication, then this could work for the long haul...
This is the initial dream I wanted when I first stepped in this lifestyle. Is it possible that the universe is actually giving me everything I want if I can just step through this one piece of resistance in my life? I forgive the hurt of having a hard limit broken, and I get everything my heart has desired...
Daddy, doing rope... and doing it well for me because he really doesn't like the alternative...
a beautiful Sweetheart that makes Daddy smile and has the willingness to learn all of me... of which there is a lot...
A family that could band together in strength and love and understanding and honesty.
Amazing friends in a non judgmental lifestyle as we may need that soon...
most tell me that I am overwhelming...
After that, she called me Ma'am, and I felt like I liked that level of respect after feeling disrespected... it appeased a piece of me that was struggling... not in text or anything like that, though... informal, like a pet name... I am not anywhere near wanting to Dom... but I wouldn't mind causing mischief...
Part of the punishment for breaking my limit is that Daddy cannot have sex with me for 2 weeks. Anyone that has fucked me knows that I have a succubus pussy... believe me... he is missing it... So as a thank you for the amazing play, I asked Sweetheart to give him a BJ.
He became concerned about my feelings, but I told him I needed to see it... I am working through exposure therapy (thank you psychology degree) for myself as I feel it is the most effective method to take my power back in this situation... I struggled a little at first, but not as much as the last time, and that made me happy. Made me hope.
Upon reading it, my tummy hurt. I thought that it was illogical, but I definitely attributed it to reading the text and requested not to be notified each time they have sex now that I know they are having sex... It made my heart hurt because I am not currently sexually active and I know my Daddy would want to fuck me... then I started thinking about how maybe he didn't want to sleep with me at all cuz he could have that night, and then I have to stop myself from catastrophizing the situation...
They love each other. They were safe. They let me know. Okay, I can breathe.
Then Daddy responded to my writings on this blog and I became very upset. It turns out that he had missed my first posting last week or so about how this new relationship was starting off, so he thought the first thing I wrote was about this mess... thank goodness for open communication!! Once that was explained, I stopped screaming at him in the parking lot... not my proudest moment... I am trying to focus on remaining calm and rational.
Then Daddy reminded me that the in laws were taking the kiddos overnight. So, I started to think about how I wanted the night to go. If we all want it to go positively, then it will! If even one of us didn't want it to work, then it wouldn't... I want it to work.
When I got home, Daddy was doing laundry (immediate way to make this woman horny), and told me to take off my pants. Intrigued, I took them off. Then, he took off the rest of my clothes and picked me up to lay me on the new weight bench he put together that day. He cupped my face in his hands and asked me to belong to him for just this night, so I obliged. Next, he left and then came back with my rope bag... I have floated off to heaven... I know it...
He is turning me into a table when Sweetheart walks in. She looks pleasantly surprised and shared that she thought we hadn't responded to a text she sent because it was going really good or really bad and was hoping for the good. They went out for a smoke and left the table in the living room.
When they came back in, we watched my favorite movie, Mr. Right. It reminds me of myself and the Sir I once had long ago. I couldn't stop laughing!! I was not a very good table...
Then Daddy let me up and we turned Sweetheart into a footstool. I was able to watch just how fast she slipped away into space... he was kicking her and she was moaning... I asked to be able to punch her and I could feel her enjoying herself and then it clicked for me... I want to be happy being me, she wants to be happy being her, and Daddy wants both of us to be happy... win-win-win... we are going to stumble, but as long as we are open and honest in our communication, then this could work for the long haul...
This is the initial dream I wanted when I first stepped in this lifestyle. Is it possible that the universe is actually giving me everything I want if I can just step through this one piece of resistance in my life? I forgive the hurt of having a hard limit broken, and I get everything my heart has desired...
Daddy, doing rope... and doing it well for me because he really doesn't like the alternative...
a beautiful Sweetheart that makes Daddy smile and has the willingness to learn all of me... of which there is a lot...
A family that could band together in strength and love and understanding and honesty.
Amazing friends in a non judgmental lifestyle as we may need that soon...
most tell me that I am overwhelming...
After that, she called me Ma'am, and I felt like I liked that level of respect after feeling disrespected... it appeased a piece of me that was struggling... not in text or anything like that, though... informal, like a pet name... I am not anywhere near wanting to Dom... but I wouldn't mind causing mischief...
Part of the punishment for breaking my limit is that Daddy cannot have sex with me for 2 weeks. Anyone that has fucked me knows that I have a succubus pussy... believe me... he is missing it... So as a thank you for the amazing play, I asked Sweetheart to give him a BJ.
He became concerned about my feelings, but I told him I needed to see it... I am working through exposure therapy (thank you psychology degree) for myself as I feel it is the most effective method to take my power back in this situation... I struggled a little at first, but not as much as the last time, and that made me happy. Made me hope.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Moving on...
Do I get over things too quickly? I ask myself this question because just the other day, I wrote about how betrayed I felt and now, with one good night and a bit of conversation, I feel more hopeful that this will work... that maybe they were just caught up in a moment... just like I was when I broke a rule with Sire and received punishment spankings.
So far, they have both apologized a bunch of times and seem to be upset with themselves...
Sweetheart helped Daddy with this very intricate rope piece that turned out beautifully. Daddy found it and riffed the top portion. I had a lot of fun...
Then Sweetheart gave him a blow job and even though I recommended it, my Bitch was screaming in my head about how horribly wrong it was for Daddy to get any sexual pleasure after breaking hard limits and then my slave came in and reminded of how her Master is the one that owns the limits in the first place. He is the one that sets the rules and he is the one that can change them. I started to cry as anarchy and war broke out in my mind...
Then, Daddy held me in his arms and told me that he missed his lil girl... and I just couldn't see how robbing myself of my Daddy and friend were beneficial to me... I threw my hand out and Sweetheart and I pinky promised to be truthful right away with each other.
My head feels rested... my heart still hurts...maybe soon I will be happy...
Written 7/13/16
So far, they have both apologized a bunch of times and seem to be upset with themselves...
Sweetheart helped Daddy with this very intricate rope piece that turned out beautifully. Daddy found it and riffed the top portion. I had a lot of fun...
Then Sweetheart gave him a blow job and even though I recommended it, my Bitch was screaming in my head about how horribly wrong it was for Daddy to get any sexual pleasure after breaking hard limits and then my slave came in and reminded of how her Master is the one that owns the limits in the first place. He is the one that sets the rules and he is the one that can change them. I started to cry as anarchy and war broke out in my mind...
Then, Daddy held me in his arms and told me that he missed his lil girl... and I just couldn't see how robbing myself of my Daddy and friend were beneficial to me... I threw my hand out and Sweetheart and I pinky promised to be truthful right away with each other.
My head feels rested... my heart still hurts...maybe soon I will be happy...
Written 7/13/16
Broken Again
Daddy got carried away with Sweetheart and they broke hard limits of mine. My heart hurts and I am just trying to figure out my next steps in life.
I love him so much and cannot bare to see him unhappy, but my heart has changed toward both of them. I give him everything he wants and everything of me and he still decided to forgo using protection and get caught up in a moment... with condoms right nearby. It hurt me to know that his sexual appetite wins over my hard limit.
Then, Sweetheart helps me through the next day, with a pleasant smile on her lips. Helping me stay on track and driving us around and just overall keeping positive... lying right to my face through omission, because her heart is with my Daddy... she doesn't have my back... she has his... makes sense since she is his girlfriend. It hurts, but it is understandable.
I demanded that something had to be done for these breeches in my limits. I heatedly discuss my frustrations. I went to bed on the floor, as I normally do, but the thought of them in bed together freaked me out, so I ran to the living room.
When I went to sleep on the couch, they separated and I heard him crying. I went in to comfort him and tell him I love him and he pulled away from me... he wasn't crying for hurting me... he was crying because he lost her in the breaking of a hard limit for me. He was crying for her... his heart broken over the loss of her... and I refuse to be the one to take away his happiness. Just because he is married to me... so I have decided to take the high road and let them enjoy each other so i can focus on building my own happiness. To release this as an issue, I had to get rid of my hard limit for lying... which also means that I no longer give my trust out so freely.
But I have taken back my power... as I cannot give my power to someone I don't trust... I have lost respect and trust in both of them.
I will always love him, but I must take back my own power as he has stated that he cannot Master me...
Written 7/11/16
I love him so much and cannot bare to see him unhappy, but my heart has changed toward both of them. I give him everything he wants and everything of me and he still decided to forgo using protection and get caught up in a moment... with condoms right nearby. It hurt me to know that his sexual appetite wins over my hard limit.
Then, Sweetheart helps me through the next day, with a pleasant smile on her lips. Helping me stay on track and driving us around and just overall keeping positive... lying right to my face through omission, because her heart is with my Daddy... she doesn't have my back... she has his... makes sense since she is his girlfriend. It hurts, but it is understandable.
I demanded that something had to be done for these breeches in my limits. I heatedly discuss my frustrations. I went to bed on the floor, as I normally do, but the thought of them in bed together freaked me out, so I ran to the living room.
When I went to sleep on the couch, they separated and I heard him crying. I went in to comfort him and tell him I love him and he pulled away from me... he wasn't crying for hurting me... he was crying because he lost her in the breaking of a hard limit for me. He was crying for her... his heart broken over the loss of her... and I refuse to be the one to take away his happiness. Just because he is married to me... so I have decided to take the high road and let them enjoy each other so i can focus on building my own happiness. To release this as an issue, I had to get rid of my hard limit for lying... which also means that I no longer give my trust out so freely.
But I have taken back my power... as I cannot give my power to someone I don't trust... I have lost respect and trust in both of them.
I will always love him, but I must take back my own power as he has stated that he cannot Master me...
Written 7/11/16
Motivation
I am struggling a lot right now with staying on task... cleaning that is begging me to get done, food that needs to be cooked, laundry that needs to be washed... the list goes on...
I just don't see a purpose in it anymore... nobody seems to really care so why should I... I think I have lost my purpose and my way... the things I held dear are no longer important to me... nothing is...
Previously, my goal in life was to live for the happiness of my Daddy. He is so happy right now that it feels that purpose has been fulfilled.
Written 7/6/16
Written 7/6/16
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Getting back to writing
Holy fuck, the last little bit has been rough. I have written about it for my own records... and maybe one day I will want to post them (with permissions, of course), but for now... I am just not in the mood for broadcasting the most recent craziness in my life.
My now is starting to feel blessed. I am back to taking care of my body. My Daddy is experimenting with rope on me!! Something I have always wanted.
He seems so happy and my heart is lighter because of it. He is smiling and laughing all the time... and it has been about 6 years since I have seen him this peaceful in his heart... our son's condition took a lot out of both of us...
Sweetheart is adorable and complains about how much her cheeks hurt... she is smiling too much, lol. We had so much fun at the pool... my Daddy got in the pool!!! It has been about 5 years since he got in a pool... my life felt almost perfect this weekend...
My now is starting to feel blessed. I am back to taking care of my body. My Daddy is experimenting with rope on me!! Something I have always wanted.
He seems so happy and my heart is lighter because of it. He is smiling and laughing all the time... and it has been about 6 years since I have seen him this peaceful in his heart... our son's condition took a lot out of both of us...
Sweetheart is adorable and complains about how much her cheeks hurt... she is smiling too much, lol. We had so much fun at the pool... my Daddy got in the pool!!! It has been about 5 years since he got in a pool... my life felt almost perfect this weekend...
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Private rope date with Sire 3/31/16
Last night, i went on a date with Sire. Picking me up was a little hectic as i frantically ran around the house preparing dinner, working on my business, and downloading pics from our last party to drop box to get them out to friends. After a snafu with my business paperwork, i was frustrated as we left the house and walked out to the truck.
Sire was very excited and i did not like how the missing paperwork was messing with my headspace... i had been thinking about our time and my suspension rig room all day, so the hiccup in the business was driving me crazy... i quickly reached out to some prior clients to see if they had the paperwork i was looking for as Sire opened the door to his truck. i scooted to the middle so we could chat and he fixed the seatbelt in the middle for me.
Then, he leaned to the side and pulled out a length of crimson rope! He asked for my hands and then tied them together, with enough maneuverability for me to access my phone because of the business issue. Then we chatted as he drove to his home. On the ride, we spoke of many ideas, housekeeping items, and future possibilities. Then, one of my clients reached out and emailed me the forms i was looking for and i sent it to my new client as we reached his house, releasing my brain for the fun at hand.
i ate dinner in rope, with my hands still tied. Right when i finished, Sire notified me that he changed something about the room, so i ran (literally) to my room to find the new addition... It was a burlap and rope wrapped center piece to keep the suspension ring from sliding around when i play in my suspensions, lol... i was excited i found the change so quickly.
We slipped into our box and danced together in rope. Taking one step and then another. Practicing new harnesses and suspension positions. The trust i have in him allowed me to focus on my own body and how i feel. i don't worry about falling and the instant anything doesn't feel right, i speak and he adjusts. We practice, we dance, we learn together. i feel like i am able to drift further into my space and he is able to create the patterns that the rope unlocks for him.
After hours of ropework, we stopped to take a restroom break and i ran to the bed. i love to take care of Sire, just as he loves to take care of me. i gave him a blow job and then we had some playful and fun sex. We talked of a fantasy of being in rope and just left there all day as a toy to be used by Sire and my Daddy and others they felt would benefit from my succubus pussy... Sounded like a wonderful fantasy... i love thanking my Sire and my Daddy is always so proud of me for being a good lil rope whore.
Sire brought me home on time and when we got there, i gave Sweetheart the biggest hug ever... She did almost all of my chores while i was gone... Such a lil blessing!! We all sat outside and chatted for a bit before going into the room. Daddy and i reviewed through the whole night and then He told me what a good girl i was and gave me an ass fucking to celebrate. It was deep and intense and Daddy made me His lil cum dumpster toy...
My life is fucking awesome!!!
Sire was very excited and i did not like how the missing paperwork was messing with my headspace... i had been thinking about our time and my suspension rig room all day, so the hiccup in the business was driving me crazy... i quickly reached out to some prior clients to see if they had the paperwork i was looking for as Sire opened the door to his truck. i scooted to the middle so we could chat and he fixed the seatbelt in the middle for me.
Then, he leaned to the side and pulled out a length of crimson rope! He asked for my hands and then tied them together, with enough maneuverability for me to access my phone because of the business issue. Then we chatted as he drove to his home. On the ride, we spoke of many ideas, housekeeping items, and future possibilities. Then, one of my clients reached out and emailed me the forms i was looking for and i sent it to my new client as we reached his house, releasing my brain for the fun at hand.
i ate dinner in rope, with my hands still tied. Right when i finished, Sire notified me that he changed something about the room, so i ran (literally) to my room to find the new addition... It was a burlap and rope wrapped center piece to keep the suspension ring from sliding around when i play in my suspensions, lol... i was excited i found the change so quickly.
We slipped into our box and danced together in rope. Taking one step and then another. Practicing new harnesses and suspension positions. The trust i have in him allowed me to focus on my own body and how i feel. i don't worry about falling and the instant anything doesn't feel right, i speak and he adjusts. We practice, we dance, we learn together. i feel like i am able to drift further into my space and he is able to create the patterns that the rope unlocks for him.
After hours of ropework, we stopped to take a restroom break and i ran to the bed. i love to take care of Sire, just as he loves to take care of me. i gave him a blow job and then we had some playful and fun sex. We talked of a fantasy of being in rope and just left there all day as a toy to be used by Sire and my Daddy and others they felt would benefit from my succubus pussy... Sounded like a wonderful fantasy... i love thanking my Sire and my Daddy is always so proud of me for being a good lil rope whore.
Sire brought me home on time and when we got there, i gave Sweetheart the biggest hug ever... She did almost all of my chores while i was gone... Such a lil blessing!! We all sat outside and chatted for a bit before going into the room. Daddy and i reviewed through the whole night and then He told me what a good girl i was and gave me an ass fucking to celebrate. It was deep and intense and Daddy made me His lil cum dumpster toy...
My life is fucking awesome!!!
Playing with Daddy 3/30/16
Alien Hallucination is amazing!!!
After i smoked, my little came out to play in full force. i was being silly and giggly when Daddy mentioned that we needed to feed the chickens. i hopped up and grabbed the feed scooper. Daddy asked what i was doing, so i answered back that i was playing farm! i opened the coop to throw the feed in and a chicken charged at me. i screamed and hopped out of the way and the chicken got out. Daddy cornered the chicken behind the shed and then grabbed her and placed her back in the coop.
Then, Daddy had me get the shells that they use to process their food and get calcium in their diets. i squated over the bag and dug in to get the shells. When i looked up, i saw Daddy grinning at me... It made me all blushy and proud... Then, when i went to throw it in, Daddy reminded me to only open the door a little to make sure i didn't let anymore chickens out.
Farming is so fun!!
We went inside cuz i had to go potty and when i came out of the bathroom, Daddy was watching TV, so i watched from him in the room, watching from the bathroom doorway for a little while. Daddy called out for me and asked what i was doing... i replied back with "i dunno..." He asked if i was hiding from Him and i responded back with a no, so He told me to come here. i ran and jumped on the couch next to Him and then we cuddled...
At the end of the night, He gave me a massage and i almost got to fall asleep between his legs in my foxhole, using his cock as a binkie... Perfect day...
After i smoked, my little came out to play in full force. i was being silly and giggly when Daddy mentioned that we needed to feed the chickens. i hopped up and grabbed the feed scooper. Daddy asked what i was doing, so i answered back that i was playing farm! i opened the coop to throw the feed in and a chicken charged at me. i screamed and hopped out of the way and the chicken got out. Daddy cornered the chicken behind the shed and then grabbed her and placed her back in the coop.
Then, Daddy had me get the shells that they use to process their food and get calcium in their diets. i squated over the bag and dug in to get the shells. When i looked up, i saw Daddy grinning at me... It made me all blushy and proud... Then, when i went to throw it in, Daddy reminded me to only open the door a little to make sure i didn't let anymore chickens out.
Farming is so fun!!
We went inside cuz i had to go potty and when i came out of the bathroom, Daddy was watching TV, so i watched from him in the room, watching from the bathroom doorway for a little while. Daddy called out for me and asked what i was doing... i replied back with "i dunno..." He asked if i was hiding from Him and i responded back with a no, so He told me to come here. i ran and jumped on the couch next to Him and then we cuddled...
At the end of the night, He gave me a massage and i almost got to fall asleep between his legs in my foxhole, using his cock as a binkie... Perfect day...
Play Party at Sire's 3/25/16
Preparing for guests was exciting because so many of my friends were coming to this party. There were an additional few that said they would try to make it, so i was overly excited really, lol.. Also, i had earned my new presents from the game that Sire played with me the last week. There was a set of socks and a mint dress that I had earned by completing our lil game that Sire gave to me.
Unfortunately, I let too much time pass and so the details of the evening have become lost to my mind. The main bullet points are:
Sweetheart used the camera we have instead of a phone and took pictures all night.
Waiting for work friends - that's right! Actual friends from my job that are kinky!!
Suspended - I have found that it is hard to suspend into space with so many in my room, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it still.
Lil fox appears - after I got naked! I kept my cute ass costume on to show her as long as I could. I was so happy to see her. My heart fluttered and I had difficulty knowing what to do or say. She brought me my birthday present and it was a lovely lil yellow fox! I named her Lemon.
Blow job for Daddy - goodness, I love giving Daddy blowjobs. He was having a hard time because the camera showed pics of our recently departed child. I cuddled him and then gave him a BJ.
Lola's scenes with her Daddy and Frisky were freaking hot. Watching Lola eat Frisky while she was tied to the footboard was beyond erotic. Seeing the happiness on Lola's face when Frisky squirted was priceless. Watching the double BJ was also fun.
Blow job for Sire - after watching the other scenes, i gave Sire a great blow job while Sweetheart kissed him. It was so nice to work as a team.
Break - outside, we all relaxed and chatted about the original scenes. Twinsie was discussing how my rig room wasn't designed for beating. She was right... It is not designed for beating because it is a rig room and specifically designed for rope.
Daddy does electric with everyone - He got Frisky and Cookie and showed Lola's Master how fun it is to play with.
Cookie gets suspended - Sire worked with Cookie and suspended her in a few different ways. I felt instantly insecure and upset that her rope might be better than mine. The jealousy was a petty feeling that almost made my tummy hurt. I did not like it.
IHOP at Denny's - hahaha - inside joke with Lola!
Unfortunately, I let too much time pass and so the details of the evening have become lost to my mind. The main bullet points are:
Sweetheart used the camera we have instead of a phone and took pictures all night.
Waiting for work friends - that's right! Actual friends from my job that are kinky!!
Suspended - I have found that it is hard to suspend into space with so many in my room, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it still.
Lil fox appears - after I got naked! I kept my cute ass costume on to show her as long as I could. I was so happy to see her. My heart fluttered and I had difficulty knowing what to do or say. She brought me my birthday present and it was a lovely lil yellow fox! I named her Lemon.
Blow job for Daddy - goodness, I love giving Daddy blowjobs. He was having a hard time because the camera showed pics of our recently departed child. I cuddled him and then gave him a BJ.
Lola's scenes with her Daddy and Frisky were freaking hot. Watching Lola eat Frisky while she was tied to the footboard was beyond erotic. Seeing the happiness on Lola's face when Frisky squirted was priceless. Watching the double BJ was also fun.
Blow job for Sire - after watching the other scenes, i gave Sire a great blow job while Sweetheart kissed him. It was so nice to work as a team.
Break - outside, we all relaxed and chatted about the original scenes. Twinsie was discussing how my rig room wasn't designed for beating. She was right... It is not designed for beating because it is a rig room and specifically designed for rope.
Daddy does electric with everyone - He got Frisky and Cookie and showed Lola's Master how fun it is to play with.
Cookie gets suspended - Sire worked with Cookie and suspended her in a few different ways. I felt instantly insecure and upset that her rope might be better than mine. The jealousy was a petty feeling that almost made my tummy hurt. I did not like it.
IHOP at Denny's - hahaha - inside joke with Lola!
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
3/9 - No More Rope
The main hiccup happened when Daddy and i had an argument about rope... Daddy doesn't really enjoy rope, my main addiction...
Since we started the sticker chart, Daddy said that Wednesdays would be days when i can ask for rope from Him as a reward if i was meeting my goals early in the week... Kinda like a getting over the hump reward. But this Wednesday (3/9) was different.
i asked for rope ahead of time, like a good girl, and was told okay... But then, when it was time for bed, Daddy quickly got in bed... i was confused and asked about the rope... And then the floodgates of hell opened up...
Okay, so maybe that was a bit melodramatic... But it kinda felt like that... Daddy couldn't think about rope without thinking of the suspension rig room that was gifted to me... Ruining rope for Him and for us to do together... He felt imperfect in his abilities...
i tried to tell Him that any rope, even just to tie a hand on a lead was good enough for me, but He wouldn't hear me because He knows that i crave more most of the time, like any other addict would...
My heart broke...
Since we started the sticker chart, Daddy said that Wednesdays would be days when i can ask for rope from Him as a reward if i was meeting my goals early in the week... Kinda like a getting over the hump reward. But this Wednesday (3/9) was different.
i asked for rope ahead of time, like a good girl, and was told okay... But then, when it was time for bed, Daddy quickly got in bed... i was confused and asked about the rope... And then the floodgates of hell opened up...
Okay, so maybe that was a bit melodramatic... But it kinda felt like that... Daddy couldn't think about rope without thinking of the suspension rig room that was gifted to me... Ruining rope for Him and for us to do together... He felt imperfect in his abilities...
i tried to tell Him that any rope, even just to tie a hand on a lead was good enough for me, but He wouldn't hear me because He knows that i crave more most of the time, like any other addict would...
My heart broke...
Almost a whole month!!
Ahhhhhhhhh!!! i almost went a whole month without writing in here... i figured out that i just kept putting off one particular writing and now i am too backed up to catch up... Lol... i need to write about that incident specifically but after that, please know that my weeks were full of their normal debauchery, craziness, and fun... Along with a few emotional breakdowns of course...
Sunday, March 6, 2016
My very own suspension rig!!!
The suspension rig... Oh my goodness, the suspension rig... Our rig... My rigger built me a suspension rig... It may get used for many things, but it is a masterpiece and his gift to me... Built by his hands...
i stood in awe of the lumber that was used to erect this masterpiece and thought of it as it was intended... Like the fountains that were created for Napoleon's Josephine... This suspension rig means the world to me... After the tours that were needed for the new group of people, i got naked and prepped for suspension. Sire tied me and hung me and then i was gone...
The tug of the rope behind my knees was quickly adjusted and when my arms pinched a little, Sire adjusted me until the pinch was alleviated. i danced in Sire's rope as he pulled on a rope here and loosened a rope there. i was his puppet girl within my rope swing and i fell out into it. Felt the weightlessness and the firm hug at the same time... Free and secure... Floating and grounded... Subspace achieved in grace and love...
When i came down, i helped put away the rope as Sire prepared for His next scene with Twinsie. Thank goodness i have the wonderful skill of putting my emotions to the side when i need to. i was a good girl, very civil and collected. After seeing my Daddy the way He was the night before, i will not be able to build with her... But i know how to be a good acquaintance and so that is where i will stay.
i was feeling really horny... Rope tends to do that to me, so i asked Daddy to give Him a blow job. We went to the guest room, but the bed made us nervous, so we went to use Sire's bed. Right before we got into the room, Sire and Twinsie needed it to talk before their scene, so i blew Him in the kitchen by the sink. Sire saw as He left the room and came over to call me a dirty whore, lol. Then Daddy and i moved to the bedroom and we fucked so hard. After fucking me and then dropping His cock in my ass a few times, He led his lil subby sub to watch the ass beating scene.
Once that was over, Daddy did the aftercare for Twinsie. Papa Bear cuddles are the best! Then, Daddy and Twinsie did electric fucking and Sire and i had fun fucking in another room. We fucked and we talked. We cleaned everything up as everyone started to leave.
After we got home, Daddy and i fucked some more before we fell asleep. Daddy had to work in the morning...
i dreamed of suspensions on my new rig... Which is only 20-30 minutes away... Dreams came true with our adjusting suspension... My first dream of suspension included adjustable tying because of the first suspension scene i saw at APEX and Sire gave that to me... Thank you Sire... For making my dreams come true... Thank You Daddy for allowing him to...
i stood in awe of the lumber that was used to erect this masterpiece and thought of it as it was intended... Like the fountains that were created for Napoleon's Josephine... This suspension rig means the world to me... After the tours that were needed for the new group of people, i got naked and prepped for suspension. Sire tied me and hung me and then i was gone...
The tug of the rope behind my knees was quickly adjusted and when my arms pinched a little, Sire adjusted me until the pinch was alleviated. i danced in Sire's rope as he pulled on a rope here and loosened a rope there. i was his puppet girl within my rope swing and i fell out into it. Felt the weightlessness and the firm hug at the same time... Free and secure... Floating and grounded... Subspace achieved in grace and love...
When i came down, i helped put away the rope as Sire prepared for His next scene with Twinsie. Thank goodness i have the wonderful skill of putting my emotions to the side when i need to. i was a good girl, very civil and collected. After seeing my Daddy the way He was the night before, i will not be able to build with her... But i know how to be a good acquaintance and so that is where i will stay.
i was feeling really horny... Rope tends to do that to me, so i asked Daddy to give Him a blow job. We went to the guest room, but the bed made us nervous, so we went to use Sire's bed. Right before we got into the room, Sire and Twinsie needed it to talk before their scene, so i blew Him in the kitchen by the sink. Sire saw as He left the room and came over to call me a dirty whore, lol. Then Daddy and i moved to the bedroom and we fucked so hard. After fucking me and then dropping His cock in my ass a few times, He led his lil subby sub to watch the ass beating scene.
Once that was over, Daddy did the aftercare for Twinsie. Papa Bear cuddles are the best! Then, Daddy and Twinsie did electric fucking and Sire and i had fun fucking in another room. We fucked and we talked. We cleaned everything up as everyone started to leave.
After we got home, Daddy and i fucked some more before we fell asleep. Daddy had to work in the morning...
i dreamed of suspensions on my new rig... Which is only 20-30 minutes away... Dreams came true with our adjusting suspension... My first dream of suspension included adjustable tying because of the first suspension scene i saw at APEX and Sire gave that to me... Thank you Sire... For making my dreams come true... Thank You Daddy for allowing him to...
Letting it go... Pfft...
The picture from the last poem was created on our solo date from this last Friday after talking about the poem Sire wrote for me, the little mermaid caught in his glorious rope. The date night started out rocky though because i was pissed...
You see, getting a sitter lined up is a bitch... My dad, who has been doing a lot of kids watching for me lately got sick, so i had to work my magic and get everything lined up so Daddy could have a solo date with Twinsie, setting myself up on a solo date with Sire... And then life happened and Daddy's date was cancelled... No options, no sense, just cancelled... i started freaking out... i didn't want to cancel on Sire but i also didn't want my Daddy to be home alone.
i called Daddy when i got the cancellation text and He said that my date needed to stand because we don't break plans anymore. i had to put my foot down on plan cancelling after all the shit that went down in September... i notice now how much i changed now... So much change... Nobody even knows... i haven't gotten to the bottom of the changes yet and discover new ways i have changed everyday.
Anyways... So i drove home from work to get my car, since Lola and i carpool, and gave Daddy kisses. i got in my car and cried as i drove. i cried because i was leaving my Master without someone to take care of Him, keep Him happy, and to distract Him while He is out. He loves me so much and needs a good distraction when i am out being a whore because He doesn't really like to think of His wife getting fucked by another man... But He let's me because He loves me and Sire has shown Him how valuable i am in Sire's eyes...
As i got closer to Sire's house, i started to get over my tears and anger filled my mind... How dare she take herself away again! How dare she send a text with some ambiguous cancellation! How dare she hurt Him and make us cry! How dare she!!! So, i called her... i wanted to save my Daddy's night so i could focus on having fun instead of worrying about Him... i told her to call Him and to ask for His help. He loves to help others... and i left it in her hands. i tried to let it go.
Sire could tell i was off... That my energy was way off... i complained before dinner and a little at dinner... i kept trying to shake it. Sire had made me a lovely chicken, asparagus and mushroom dish that was phenomenal! i talked it through with Sire and apologized for the way that i was reacting to these feelings. i wanted to make two people happy at the same time with no way to do it... At the end of the day though, my Daddy told me to enjoy my date and wanted me to focus on Sire and so we set about getting my head in the right place.
Sire tied me on a chair. Tying and untying me with my music in the background and suddenly, letting it go was easy and i was back in our box... Cara Mia, the princess, was back and being worshipped with Sire's rope. i let go and enjoyed the rope and the energy of us. We fucked for an hour after the rope was over. We talked for longer about anything that popped into our thoughts... Deepening our connection...
Then i picked up the boys from the sitter and made our way home. i was horny and fulfilled and ready to fuck my Daddy... But when i arrived home, He was not able to really focus on me... He had too much to drink and smoke in my opinion and was trying to escape the sadness... And i hated her in that moment...
You see, getting a sitter lined up is a bitch... My dad, who has been doing a lot of kids watching for me lately got sick, so i had to work my magic and get everything lined up so Daddy could have a solo date with Twinsie, setting myself up on a solo date with Sire... And then life happened and Daddy's date was cancelled... No options, no sense, just cancelled... i started freaking out... i didn't want to cancel on Sire but i also didn't want my Daddy to be home alone.
i called Daddy when i got the cancellation text and He said that my date needed to stand because we don't break plans anymore. i had to put my foot down on plan cancelling after all the shit that went down in September... i notice now how much i changed now... So much change... Nobody even knows... i haven't gotten to the bottom of the changes yet and discover new ways i have changed everyday.
Anyways... So i drove home from work to get my car, since Lola and i carpool, and gave Daddy kisses. i got in my car and cried as i drove. i cried because i was leaving my Master without someone to take care of Him, keep Him happy, and to distract Him while He is out. He loves me so much and needs a good distraction when i am out being a whore because He doesn't really like to think of His wife getting fucked by another man... But He let's me because He loves me and Sire has shown Him how valuable i am in Sire's eyes...
As i got closer to Sire's house, i started to get over my tears and anger filled my mind... How dare she take herself away again! How dare she send a text with some ambiguous cancellation! How dare she hurt Him and make us cry! How dare she!!! So, i called her... i wanted to save my Daddy's night so i could focus on having fun instead of worrying about Him... i told her to call Him and to ask for His help. He loves to help others... and i left it in her hands. i tried to let it go.
Sire could tell i was off... That my energy was way off... i complained before dinner and a little at dinner... i kept trying to shake it. Sire had made me a lovely chicken, asparagus and mushroom dish that was phenomenal! i talked it through with Sire and apologized for the way that i was reacting to these feelings. i wanted to make two people happy at the same time with no way to do it... At the end of the day though, my Daddy told me to enjoy my date and wanted me to focus on Sire and so we set about getting my head in the right place.
Sire tied me on a chair. Tying and untying me with my music in the background and suddenly, letting it go was easy and i was back in our box... Cara Mia, the princess, was back and being worshipped with Sire's rope. i let go and enjoyed the rope and the energy of us. We fucked for an hour after the rope was over. We talked for longer about anything that popped into our thoughts... Deepening our connection...
Then i picked up the boys from the sitter and made our way home. i was horny and fulfilled and ready to fuck my Daddy... But when i arrived home, He was not able to really focus on me... He had too much to drink and smoke in my opinion and was trying to escape the sadness... And i hated her in that moment...
Poem #7 from Sire
Magic Carpet Rope:
Sharing space with more than a dozen others....
One leering over my shoulder...
Several stare at you, a few watch me...
I'm throwing rope on you, like a fisherman casting his net...
I pull tight and what do I see?...
A mermaid staring back at me...
Suddenly, the familiar magic kicks in...
Our eyes lock, and the rope becomes a magic carpet that transports us to our private place...
For the next half hour, people watch as I tie and untie you...
Little do they know....
We are in our box, where our souls dance and our spirits embrace....
Little do they know...
We're not even there...
Sharing space with more than a dozen others....
One leering over my shoulder...
Several stare at you, a few watch me...
I'm throwing rope on you, like a fisherman casting his net...
I pull tight and what do I see?...
A mermaid staring back at me...
Suddenly, the familiar magic kicks in...
Our eyes lock, and the rope becomes a magic carpet that transports us to our private place...
For the next half hour, people watch as I tie and untie you...
Little do they know....
We are in our box, where our souls dance and our spirits embrace....
Little do they know...
We're not even there...
Sickness
i have been sick since Saturday morning... Can't breathe and i just don't sound right... Bronchitis is a bitch...
So, laying in bed, sick on Monday after starting antibiotics and steroids, i was fighting in and out of sleep. Daddy came in and laid down next to me and started to fondle me. It was highly erotic, but felt strangely innocent at the same time.
He brought me to orgasm a few times with this gentle, cuddly play and then rubbed my head and back until i fell asleep. My Daddy is so good to me.
So, laying in bed, sick on Monday after starting antibiotics and steroids, i was fighting in and out of sleep. Daddy came in and laid down next to me and started to fondle me. It was highly erotic, but felt strangely innocent at the same time.
He brought me to orgasm a few times with this gentle, cuddly play and then rubbed my head and back until i fell asleep. My Daddy is so good to me.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Impromptu Rope Night
So... Open rope night was cancelled due to a venue issue, but as you all know, i won't let something silly like a party cancellation stop me from getting my rope. Sire recommended we do it at His place and i quickly suggested a few people to invite as well. All together, we were able to get a group of 14 to show up to his place. The event started at 7, but we wanted to get there early, so we were getting my dad at 5 and should have been there by 6...
Wouldn't you know that my dad had a lot of work to do and so we didn't get home until about 6:30 and then we got to Sire's at 7 anyways, lol. i was super excited and ready to be tied up, so i got naked right away. i asked Sire about rope and he said we would get started after the tour of his place was given... Thus starts what my head calls:
The Great Rope Delay
As a new guest would come in, Sire would start a new tour. All of the guests showed up sporadically, so right as i would start to follow Sire, saying rope repeatedly and quietly, he would need to go give the tour again... This was so painful... Then, Sire looked at me and said it was time for Rope and laid out the blanket. Right as i was smoothing it out, the last guests showed up, so Sire had to give the tour again!!
i laid out, looking like a dead rope bunny and then decided that i should stretch. Twinsie came in and asked if i was stretching and i noncommittally nodded and then she asked if i was pouting and Sweetheart pointed out that i was a dead rope bunny cuz i had to wait so long. That made me giggle... Then, i heard Sire coming and i popped right up with an excited smile cuz the great rope delay was over!!!
Our rope today was more about teaching than connecting, so i let myself interact more with the crowd and less with Sire so he could focus on teaching. During the Great Rope Delay, Frisky's KIT (kitty in training) gave me a present. They were not able to go to my birthday party because Frisky's Daddy was ill, but KIT still got me this adorable huge fox eraser!!
KIT and i have our own interesting history, so my brain continues to entertain thoughts of her and what the present means... i am going to go with friends for now...
As i was thinking all this through, i realized that i was turned in such a way that i could focus on my Sire for a minute. i locked on with the purpose of sharing our space together for a moment. i did not want to interrupt his teaching, but if he was teaching of rope, then the pupils needed to see what our rope does for us, right?
In a break, Sire looked right at me and the world fell away. We had our moment of connection and shared that the rope felt amazing, that we love each other, that we were both immensely happy, and that the night was going well. Then, we both stepped back into the roles of teacher and demo. Those moments of brief but intense connection are so important to me. i don't think i could have someone be my rigger for longer than a session or two without that sort of connection... It is either there for me or it isn't... So far, i have been tied by 6 people and felt a connection with 4 of them.
Sire let me keep my rope on for a while as he tied others. i wandered around the house, with his permission, and took a look at other things going on. So much debauchery!! In one room, KIT was getting fucked hard by Frisky's Daddy and i got to call her a dirty whore, which was fun! i like egging it on! In another room, fire play was happening! Then Daddy and i started electric in the last room, which brought everybody in to get electric orgasms, lol.
How amazing that in 1 night, we got to experience so many different things! i was such a proud girl, watching my Master play with His electric on girls that tritely enjoy it. My heart wishes that i liked electric more just to gain that connection, but i have learned that even i cannot connect with people on everything... As i started to wind down, i realized that i wasn't feeling too well, so i slightly laid across the couch, laying on Daddy and Sire. My leg was on Sire's lap when Twinsie and a new friend fell onto his lap, twisting my ankle a little. It hurt and at that point, i decided to call it a night. Daddy was ready as well because He was feeling kinda tired as well.
We gave hugs and kisses all around and went home to call it a night. Daddy tucked me in with a kiss and a back rub... Such a great night.
Wouldn't you know that my dad had a lot of work to do and so we didn't get home until about 6:30 and then we got to Sire's at 7 anyways, lol. i was super excited and ready to be tied up, so i got naked right away. i asked Sire about rope and he said we would get started after the tour of his place was given... Thus starts what my head calls:
The Great Rope Delay
As a new guest would come in, Sire would start a new tour. All of the guests showed up sporadically, so right as i would start to follow Sire, saying rope repeatedly and quietly, he would need to go give the tour again... This was so painful... Then, Sire looked at me and said it was time for Rope and laid out the blanket. Right as i was smoothing it out, the last guests showed up, so Sire had to give the tour again!!
i laid out, looking like a dead rope bunny and then decided that i should stretch. Twinsie came in and asked if i was stretching and i noncommittally nodded and then she asked if i was pouting and Sweetheart pointed out that i was a dead rope bunny cuz i had to wait so long. That made me giggle... Then, i heard Sire coming and i popped right up with an excited smile cuz the great rope delay was over!!!
Our rope today was more about teaching than connecting, so i let myself interact more with the crowd and less with Sire so he could focus on teaching. During the Great Rope Delay, Frisky's KIT (kitty in training) gave me a present. They were not able to go to my birthday party because Frisky's Daddy was ill, but KIT still got me this adorable huge fox eraser!!
KIT and i have our own interesting history, so my brain continues to entertain thoughts of her and what the present means... i am going to go with friends for now...
As i was thinking all this through, i realized that i was turned in such a way that i could focus on my Sire for a minute. i locked on with the purpose of sharing our space together for a moment. i did not want to interrupt his teaching, but if he was teaching of rope, then the pupils needed to see what our rope does for us, right?
In a break, Sire looked right at me and the world fell away. We had our moment of connection and shared that the rope felt amazing, that we love each other, that we were both immensely happy, and that the night was going well. Then, we both stepped back into the roles of teacher and demo. Those moments of brief but intense connection are so important to me. i don't think i could have someone be my rigger for longer than a session or two without that sort of connection... It is either there for me or it isn't... So far, i have been tied by 6 people and felt a connection with 4 of them.
Sire let me keep my rope on for a while as he tied others. i wandered around the house, with his permission, and took a look at other things going on. So much debauchery!! In one room, KIT was getting fucked hard by Frisky's Daddy and i got to call her a dirty whore, which was fun! i like egging it on! In another room, fire play was happening! Then Daddy and i started electric in the last room, which brought everybody in to get electric orgasms, lol.
How amazing that in 1 night, we got to experience so many different things! i was such a proud girl, watching my Master play with His electric on girls that tritely enjoy it. My heart wishes that i liked electric more just to gain that connection, but i have learned that even i cannot connect with people on everything... As i started to wind down, i realized that i wasn't feeling too well, so i slightly laid across the couch, laying on Daddy and Sire. My leg was on Sire's lap when Twinsie and a new friend fell onto his lap, twisting my ankle a little. It hurt and at that point, i decided to call it a night. Daddy was ready as well because He was feeling kinda tired as well.
We gave hugs and kisses all around and went home to call it a night. Daddy tucked me in with a kiss and a back rub... Such a great night.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
The park
Today, Sire and i took the kiddos to the park. They played on the equipment as we say on a bench and chatted. Sire and i usually chat about a lot of sexual things, because that is who we are, lol... It was kinda fun to talk in hushed tones so the kids on the playground couldn't overhear our conversation. i love being just a little dirty in secret in public places...
He asked for permission and then leaned over and kissed my cheek. It was sweet to be able to enjoy his company at the park, watching the kiddos with me. These moments mean so much... These are the times when i know it is not just about sex or debauchery or fun or rope, but is also about the real human connection between us.
Then Sire helped push the whirly gig the kiddos were on and i showed my rope climbing skills, where we both contemplated about how that Rope Jungle Gym would be a great place to tie... Even just standing in it makes me vibe out a little...
Then, we had a healthy dinner together and Sire went on his way to prepare for Friday at his place because Open Rope Night was cancelled... After i talked his ear off, lol...
He asked for permission and then leaned over and kissed my cheek. It was sweet to be able to enjoy his company at the park, watching the kiddos with me. These moments mean so much... These are the times when i know it is not just about sex or debauchery or fun or rope, but is also about the real human connection between us.
Then Sire helped push the whirly gig the kiddos were on and i showed my rope climbing skills, where we both contemplated about how that Rope Jungle Gym would be a great place to tie... Even just standing in it makes me vibe out a little...
Then, we had a healthy dinner together and Sire went on his way to prepare for Friday at his place because Open Rope Night was cancelled... After i talked his ear off, lol...
Twinsie returns on a Tuesday
So, what can i say? i wasn't expecting her to come back to us... Usually, people that take themselves away from me rarely ever come back and when they do, i have found that it is much easier for them to leave again in the future.
She apologized for abandoning me... Daddy had warned her that i don't do well with abandonment... Neither of us do, but i have been abandoned since my mom left me at 5 and so it is almost a hard limit for me. i am the girl that gives a million chances, but i have learned that once a lover leaves, they don't really need to get back into my pussy for a while and i don't really want the taste of their lips on my mouth. Not until they can show me they won't leave again.
She said that she wants to be herself for us, not a filtered version of who she is. i am happy to see who she really is then. Will we still be Twinsies when i meet the real her? Will she put in the work to show that she really does care about me and loves me and won't leave me again? Only time will tell...
For now, we can be friends.
She apologized for abandoning me... Daddy had warned her that i don't do well with abandonment... Neither of us do, but i have been abandoned since my mom left me at 5 and so it is almost a hard limit for me. i am the girl that gives a million chances, but i have learned that once a lover leaves, they don't really need to get back into my pussy for a while and i don't really want the taste of their lips on my mouth. Not until they can show me they won't leave again.
She said that she wants to be herself for us, not a filtered version of who she is. i am happy to see who she really is then. Will we still be Twinsies when i meet the real her? Will she put in the work to show that she really does care about me and loves me and won't leave me again? Only time will tell...
For now, we can be friends.
Sweetheart spends the night
i really enjoy it when Sweetheart spends the night. She comes over and hangs out, plays with the kiddos, and settles in. We talk a lot, watch shows, eat, and chillax. She sleeps on my side of the bed and i sleep on the floor in my little bundle of fox fur blankets... i am such a happy girl when my Sweetheart spends the night...
Guests to the GAP
After a fun day at the Renaissance Festival with Daddy and Sweetheart (a whole week after my last post -a week that was full of fun and rope and debauchery, but one that has slipped far enough away that i couldn't write 100% truthfully about each thing that happened, so i'm not going to try, lol), where Daddy bought me some fun elf stuff and a fox tail, we were set up to get ready at Lola's for the GAP party.
Lola and her Master were my guests for the evening!! i had not had guests before and this would be their first GAP party, so i was really excited. Lola is super hot and a masochist, so watching her enjoy getting her ass beat is a major turn on... If we weren't practically sisters... Sigh... Also, her Master is pretty hot too... (Just saying)...
Daddy couldn't come to the party right away because it was Sir's birthday and so Daddy was needed at the surprise party. i was invited as well and decided that i would keep the original plans i made because cancelling plans is rude as fuck to me. Nothing is worse than cancelling plans except lying to me... Daddy was coming along a little later, once the surprise part of the party was over. Both parties started at the same time, so we implemented a divide and conquer strategy... Lol...
i started out the night nervous and disappointed in the adjustment in the schedule and the fact that i hadn't heard from lil fox since i messaged her Friday about coming to the party. My heart was broken over that one... This was the second time she had blown me off (later found out through her tumblr blog that she decided to go fuck some dude instead of keep her plans with me again!!!) and that is 1 time too many in my book. i don't deserve to be treated like shit by anyone...
After we got there, Lola started telling Sire about how she would like to see my ass get beat. Yes, always the antagonizer when it comes to me and pain, lol. Sire and i had discussed doing my first big scene of impact play at the GAP party together earlier that week. i had a flogging session at APEX with no one watching once and a few smaller scenes with Daddy and Sir at the TNG parties that we went to, but those were also mostly about rope with a paddle here or a flogging there. Never a full scene of just impact play in front of people! And not just the 2 or 3 that can fit in a room, but a whole backyard full of people!!
Exhibitionist that i am, i quickly undressed and laid across the table as Sire requested. He started off really soft and light, alternating ass cheeks and talking to me... i lost myself quickly in the soothing rhythm of Sire's voice and the methodical application of the paddle on my ass. We used paddles, floggers, a dragontail, and a whip. The loud cracks of the whip made me jump and the afterburn was felt for a while. The dragontail felt like a towel snap and there was 1 paddle that hurt like a bitch, but Sire only used it a couple of times to bring the blood to the surface.
As i settled down from the scene, i sent Twinsie a text to see if she was coming to the party. She started reaching out to us again earlier in the week. Did i write about her taking herself away from us?... i can't remember... If i didn't, it was because it was something i didn't want to have to remember... This blog grabs a lot of my life, but not all of it... i like to write about the things i want to look back and read about in the future, you know... Maybe i was coming out of the bathroom, i don't remember, when she popped out of no where and said she was here! That was a surprise!!
Then, i went to help Lola and her Master set up for their scene. No one knew my guests were scening, so i was even more excited... You see, Lola was wearing this short sexy red spandex type number from Castle under this frilly pink dress and you totally couldn't tell... When she removed her dress, with Sweetheart and i there to help, she looked like a sex goddess... i looked over at Sire, who was scening with someone else and saw when she caught his attention and his eyes were so wide!! Adorable!!
A whole crowd collected and watched their hot scene as well. Shortly after that, Daddy got there!! i missed Him so much!! i made sure that before He got there, i redressed in my elf costume and put in an emerald butt plug as per His request. He commented on how beautiful i was and let me strip off my clothes again in front of Him.
When we went back outside, we decided to do the fun wax play. Lola and i got naked and laid on our tummies next to each other after Lola announced to the party that she was naked! That happened to be my favorite part of the damn night... Seeing her standing there, proudly with her arms out, saying "This is a naked Lola"... We work out so much and do so much to create the bodies we want and i was so happy to see how proud she was of her accomplishment. We lost a lot of weight together, her and i... When the wax was too much for me, Sweetheart took over and did such a great job for my Daddy!!
The last event of the night was the towel snapping war! Sweetheart and i both dipped our hand towels in the pool and squeezed them out... Then we started attacking each other. It was like fencing... Parry, thrust, on guard... Lol... A naked elf and a human princess towel snapping each other viciously by the pool. She won with a final snap to my back that took me out... So much fun!!!!
Lola and her Master were my guests for the evening!! i had not had guests before and this would be their first GAP party, so i was really excited. Lola is super hot and a masochist, so watching her enjoy getting her ass beat is a major turn on... If we weren't practically sisters... Sigh... Also, her Master is pretty hot too... (Just saying)...
Daddy couldn't come to the party right away because it was Sir's birthday and so Daddy was needed at the surprise party. i was invited as well and decided that i would keep the original plans i made because cancelling plans is rude as fuck to me. Nothing is worse than cancelling plans except lying to me... Daddy was coming along a little later, once the surprise part of the party was over. Both parties started at the same time, so we implemented a divide and conquer strategy... Lol...
i started out the night nervous and disappointed in the adjustment in the schedule and the fact that i hadn't heard from lil fox since i messaged her Friday about coming to the party. My heart was broken over that one... This was the second time she had blown me off (later found out through her tumblr blog that she decided to go fuck some dude instead of keep her plans with me again!!!) and that is 1 time too many in my book. i don't deserve to be treated like shit by anyone...
After we got there, Lola started telling Sire about how she would like to see my ass get beat. Yes, always the antagonizer when it comes to me and pain, lol. Sire and i had discussed doing my first big scene of impact play at the GAP party together earlier that week. i had a flogging session at APEX with no one watching once and a few smaller scenes with Daddy and Sir at the TNG parties that we went to, but those were also mostly about rope with a paddle here or a flogging there. Never a full scene of just impact play in front of people! And not just the 2 or 3 that can fit in a room, but a whole backyard full of people!!
Exhibitionist that i am, i quickly undressed and laid across the table as Sire requested. He started off really soft and light, alternating ass cheeks and talking to me... i lost myself quickly in the soothing rhythm of Sire's voice and the methodical application of the paddle on my ass. We used paddles, floggers, a dragontail, and a whip. The loud cracks of the whip made me jump and the afterburn was felt for a while. The dragontail felt like a towel snap and there was 1 paddle that hurt like a bitch, but Sire only used it a couple of times to bring the blood to the surface.
As i settled down from the scene, i sent Twinsie a text to see if she was coming to the party. She started reaching out to us again earlier in the week. Did i write about her taking herself away from us?... i can't remember... If i didn't, it was because it was something i didn't want to have to remember... This blog grabs a lot of my life, but not all of it... i like to write about the things i want to look back and read about in the future, you know... Maybe i was coming out of the bathroom, i don't remember, when she popped out of no where and said she was here! That was a surprise!!
Then, i went to help Lola and her Master set up for their scene. No one knew my guests were scening, so i was even more excited... You see, Lola was wearing this short sexy red spandex type number from Castle under this frilly pink dress and you totally couldn't tell... When she removed her dress, with Sweetheart and i there to help, she looked like a sex goddess... i looked over at Sire, who was scening with someone else and saw when she caught his attention and his eyes were so wide!! Adorable!!
A whole crowd collected and watched their hot scene as well. Shortly after that, Daddy got there!! i missed Him so much!! i made sure that before He got there, i redressed in my elf costume and put in an emerald butt plug as per His request. He commented on how beautiful i was and let me strip off my clothes again in front of Him.
When we went back outside, we decided to do the fun wax play. Lola and i got naked and laid on our tummies next to each other after Lola announced to the party that she was naked! That happened to be my favorite part of the damn night... Seeing her standing there, proudly with her arms out, saying "This is a naked Lola"... We work out so much and do so much to create the bodies we want and i was so happy to see how proud she was of her accomplishment. We lost a lot of weight together, her and i... When the wax was too much for me, Sweetheart took over and did such a great job for my Daddy!!
The last event of the night was the towel snapping war! Sweetheart and i both dipped our hand towels in the pool and squeezed them out... Then we started attacking each other. It was like fencing... Parry, thrust, on guard... Lol... A naked elf and a human princess towel snapping each other viciously by the pool. She won with a final snap to my back that took me out... So much fun!!!!
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Writing again...
So much has been going on lately and i have focused a little more on living my fun life than writing about it, but at the end of the day, i really want to make sure i am recording my life in here... When i am further down my path, i want these words to transport me back to the days of now, when my life resembled a porno, lol ;)
Monday, February 15, 2016
Poem #6 from Sire/ my response
Poem from Sire
Lover lover lover...hear my voice and forget not my face.
Lover lover lover...for soon we shall return to our sacred space.
Lover lover lover, you are my precious Fox,
Lover lover lover, take me to our private box.
Reply from foxy
Lover Lover Lover... Your voice was heard from the start.
Lover Lover Lover... Your face is etched in my heart.
Lover Lover Lover... in our box, my love You'll find.
Lover Lover Lover... My heart and arms are Yours to bind.
Lover lover lover...hear my voice and forget not my face.
Lover lover lover...for soon we shall return to our sacred space.
Lover lover lover, you are my precious Fox,
Lover lover lover, take me to our private box.
Reply from foxy
Lover Lover Lover... Your voice was heard from the start.
Lover Lover Lover... Your face is etched in my heart.
Lover Lover Lover... in our box, my love You'll find.
Lover Lover Lover... My heart and arms are Yours to bind.
Renaissance Sweetheart
Sweetheart and i went on our first solo date to the Renaissance Festival on Valentine's Day! i have not had good experiences there in the past because i was 8 months pregnant last time, but this time was so much fun! We were like kids in a medieval candy store. We watched belly dancers and jousting and fire whips...
We held hands and shared kisses and talked, getting to know each other better. i loved following her around, holding her parasol, like a little hand maiden. Watching her smile every time i adjusted to take the sun out of her face.
After the festival, she drove my dad home because she knows how much i dislike driving... That made me feel so special... She didn't need to come with me to take my dad home, but she decided to spend more time with me and the boys, and did something for me that i hate to do... It's the little things... Goodness, she is an amazing and beautiful sweetheart.
We held hands and shared kisses and talked, getting to know each other better. i loved following her around, holding her parasol, like a little hand maiden. Watching her smile every time i adjusted to take the sun out of her face.
After the festival, she drove my dad home because she knows how much i dislike driving... That made me feel so special... She didn't need to come with me to take my dad home, but she decided to spend more time with me and the boys, and did something for me that i hate to do... It's the little things... Goodness, she is an amazing and beautiful sweetheart.
Dinner and play
The night before Valentine's day, we hung out with Sire and Sweetheart. We had a lovely steak dinner, prepared by Sire, that was absolutely delicious. It was just wonderful to sit down for dinner at the table and have a home cooked meal. The love that goes into preparing such a meal was palpable.
After dinner, Sweetheart and i got into a hitting war that turned into a towel snapping war. My hand towel was way fluffier than hers, which left me at a disadvantage, but i loved it. It was fun to run around and play, running out our energy. At the end, i pushed her against a wall and made out with her for a minute. Then, it was time for rope!
Sire laid out the blanket in the living room as i made out with Daddy on the couch... Did i mention i was naked? Lol... Then, Sweetheart was snapping my ass with the towel! i reminded her that when she was putting on Sire's shoes, i hadn't gotten her. She got me anyways, lol, which i found amusing. i love seeing her brat out with me without worrying about hurting my feelings or something like that. Then, Sire brought out his whip and i got to feel the after-sting of the whip for the first time. Ouch! But not horrible, lol...
Then, the rope was ready. Oh my goodness, do i love rope. His rope is so creative and he added in a bamboo stick that added to my headspace. Being tied to something is a little different than being tied to myself. It was also the first time my hair was involved in the rope and that was awesome. i kept waiting to feel my hair slip out of the tie, but it didn't. It was tied in really well. Next time, i will relax more into it and feel the experience more fully. i really enjoyed this tie.
Then, Sire removed the pole and tied me into a sort of chastity leg brace. i joked that it was because i kept teasing him with my pussy, lol... i giggled about how i just had to kick and get my legs over my head to expose my undercarriage. He flipped me over onto my front and tied up the back of my legs as well... After i was tied, i bent my knees and pushed my body against his rope work, getting onto my hands and knees. Sire grabbed me and kissed my hip.
Then, i was untied and we cuddled and chatted. Sharing those little kisses and moments where we slip into our little box for a few moments. The rest of the night was full of fun and debauchery. i became a sex machine as i fucked Sweetheart with a strap-on and held Daddy's dick in one hand and Sire's in the other. At one point, Daddy held my arms behind me and fingered me as i fucked her and watched her suck on Sire's cock. Then Daddy and Sire switched spots and i was able to watch her suck Daddy's cock as i fucked her too. i enjoyed watching Sweetheart's grin as Daddy fucked me hard while pushing my head down on Sire's cock. Goodness, we all have so much fun when we get together!!
After dinner, Sweetheart and i got into a hitting war that turned into a towel snapping war. My hand towel was way fluffier than hers, which left me at a disadvantage, but i loved it. It was fun to run around and play, running out our energy. At the end, i pushed her against a wall and made out with her for a minute. Then, it was time for rope!
Sire laid out the blanket in the living room as i made out with Daddy on the couch... Did i mention i was naked? Lol... Then, Sweetheart was snapping my ass with the towel! i reminded her that when she was putting on Sire's shoes, i hadn't gotten her. She got me anyways, lol, which i found amusing. i love seeing her brat out with me without worrying about hurting my feelings or something like that. Then, Sire brought out his whip and i got to feel the after-sting of the whip for the first time. Ouch! But not horrible, lol...
Then, the rope was ready. Oh my goodness, do i love rope. His rope is so creative and he added in a bamboo stick that added to my headspace. Being tied to something is a little different than being tied to myself. It was also the first time my hair was involved in the rope and that was awesome. i kept waiting to feel my hair slip out of the tie, but it didn't. It was tied in really well. Next time, i will relax more into it and feel the experience more fully. i really enjoyed this tie.
Then, Sire removed the pole and tied me into a sort of chastity leg brace. i joked that it was because i kept teasing him with my pussy, lol... i giggled about how i just had to kick and get my legs over my head to expose my undercarriage. He flipped me over onto my front and tied up the back of my legs as well... After i was tied, i bent my knees and pushed my body against his rope work, getting onto my hands and knees. Sire grabbed me and kissed my hip.
Then, i was untied and we cuddled and chatted. Sharing those little kisses and moments where we slip into our little box for a few moments. The rest of the night was full of fun and debauchery. i became a sex machine as i fucked Sweetheart with a strap-on and held Daddy's dick in one hand and Sire's in the other. At one point, Daddy held my arms behind me and fingered me as i fucked her and watched her suck on Sire's cock. Then Daddy and Sire switched spots and i was able to watch her suck Daddy's cock as i fucked her too. i enjoyed watching Sweetheart's grin as Daddy fucked me hard while pushing my head down on Sire's cock. Goodness, we all have so much fun when we get together!!
11 years
Holy beans!!! We have been married for 11 years. 11 years! And i still love Him and adore Him and couldn't live my life without Him. i sent Him dirty pictures all day... Pictures of my breasts, of my pussy, of me playing with myself, of my mouth opened wide to accept His cock... All day...
When i got home, He took me to the room and ate my pussy again. Then, He started choking me... i asked Him to choke me out as it was happening and so we stopped and talked about it for a moment. We like to discuss new experiences before we attempt them, so we reviewed the dangers that come with breath play.
Daddy laid me down on the bed and placed a hand on my throat and tightened His grip until my face was a little tingly, then He released. We practiced slow and steady breathing. Then, He placed His hand on my throat and instructed that i grab His arm and hold my elbow up a little. As soon as i was appropriately positioned, He cut off my air supply. This time, my lips and face were very tingly and then i felt my whole body tingle and when my elbow dropped, He let go.
He repeatedly told me that He loved me and was here for me. My face had apparently portrayed this very scared and frantic look, even though i wasn't feeling panicked internally. We tried one more time and as His hand clamped off my air supply, i focused hard on not making a scared face and on not struggling. My lips started to tingle, then my face, then my hands, and then the world faded and the lights dimmed. My elbow must have dropped, because before i knew it, He was holding me as i take shallow and deep breathes again. In and out.... Slow...
Daddy told me that He was glad that we tried it and He is happy to try anything i want together, at least once. He wants to be the one to give me new experiences whenever possible. i asked Him if there is a new experience He would like to try with me and His answer was something to the effect of not needing to because i have already given Him all the experiences He could ever want or ask for and doesn't need me to change for Him.
i stared crying because He has been trying so many new things with me and He is also trying prior things we have tried that didn't work out well the first time. i explained that i didn't want to change Him and i love Him just as He is. He said He wasn't changing just because i want Him to... Life is different for both of us now... He sees the value in trying new things and adjusting depending on the outcome.
After 11 years of marriage and 13 years together, with 6 of those being in the BDSM lifestyle, and this man still surprised me with how much He loves me. i hope i pleasantly surprised Him with my love too.
Fyi- i know i didn't write about it specifically, but we also fucked like animals, lol... It is just what we do ;)
When i got home, He took me to the room and ate my pussy again. Then, He started choking me... i asked Him to choke me out as it was happening and so we stopped and talked about it for a moment. We like to discuss new experiences before we attempt them, so we reviewed the dangers that come with breath play.
Daddy laid me down on the bed and placed a hand on my throat and tightened His grip until my face was a little tingly, then He released. We practiced slow and steady breathing. Then, He placed His hand on my throat and instructed that i grab His arm and hold my elbow up a little. As soon as i was appropriately positioned, He cut off my air supply. This time, my lips and face were very tingly and then i felt my whole body tingle and when my elbow dropped, He let go.
He repeatedly told me that He loved me and was here for me. My face had apparently portrayed this very scared and frantic look, even though i wasn't feeling panicked internally. We tried one more time and as His hand clamped off my air supply, i focused hard on not making a scared face and on not struggling. My lips started to tingle, then my face, then my hands, and then the world faded and the lights dimmed. My elbow must have dropped, because before i knew it, He was holding me as i take shallow and deep breathes again. In and out.... Slow...
Daddy told me that He was glad that we tried it and He is happy to try anything i want together, at least once. He wants to be the one to give me new experiences whenever possible. i asked Him if there is a new experience He would like to try with me and His answer was something to the effect of not needing to because i have already given Him all the experiences He could ever want or ask for and doesn't need me to change for Him.
i stared crying because He has been trying so many new things with me and He is also trying prior things we have tried that didn't work out well the first time. i explained that i didn't want to change Him and i love Him just as He is. He said He wasn't changing just because i want Him to... Life is different for both of us now... He sees the value in trying new things and adjusting depending on the outcome.
After 11 years of marriage and 13 years together, with 6 of those being in the BDSM lifestyle, and this man still surprised me with how much He loves me. i hope i pleasantly surprised Him with my love too.
Fyi- i know i didn't write about it specifically, but we also fucked like animals, lol... It is just what we do ;)
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Assumptions of sexual repression
Sweetheart came with my boys and i to a cub scout dinner at a church cultural hall. It was nice to enjoy spending time together, watching as my son collected another belt loop for all his work this last month.
While there, i thought about this religious community and how sexually repressed they are... Then i thought about what an interesting thing it was that i would automatically assume that they are repressed... i mean, let's face it, i belong to this community and i am pretty sexual... It is possible that some of them are too...
While there, i thought about this religious community and how sexually repressed they are... Then i thought about what an interesting thing it was that i would automatically assume that they are repressed... i mean, let's face it, i belong to this community and i am pretty sexual... It is possible that some of them are too...
Exploring with Daddy
This last week, Daddy and i spent some time exploring each other and playing around with oral and aggressive sex.
On Sunday, Daddy ate my pussy and i was able to openly enjoy it! It made me so happy for Him to try that with me again. It was something that we had tried in the past that just didn't work for either one of us. i was always too stiff before Sire helped me work through the issues in my head that come up during oral due to sexual abuse as a child, long ago... Daddy also wasn't that interested in eating pussy as it just wasn't something He enjoyed, especially when i cringed any time He tried.
On Monday, Daddy did it again after tying me up so i was open to Him. He took pictures of His rope work and my dripping wet pussy for His phone and personal spank bank, lol.
On Tuesday, we tried a 69 style position together. i think that i don't like that as much because i can't focus on giving good head when my pussy is vibrating from His touch. i also can't focus on cumming from oral with a cock in my mouth, but we got it done.
Then, Daddy pinned me down and started fucking me really hard. He told me to try and get away from Him. We don't do a lot of rape type play because He doesn't want to hurt me by mistake. This time, He told me to remember to use my safeword if needed. As i struggled to escape, He would readjust. When i bit Him, He pushed my face sideways into the bed so i couldn't do that again. i was able to kick His cock out of my pussy once, at which time He tried to push back into my ass, so i adjusted and took it back in vaginally. i couldn't escape as He fucked harder and harder until i was crying, which is what i have always wanted to try.
Thank You for exploring with me Daddy!!
On Sunday, Daddy ate my pussy and i was able to openly enjoy it! It made me so happy for Him to try that with me again. It was something that we had tried in the past that just didn't work for either one of us. i was always too stiff before Sire helped me work through the issues in my head that come up during oral due to sexual abuse as a child, long ago... Daddy also wasn't that interested in eating pussy as it just wasn't something He enjoyed, especially when i cringed any time He tried.
On Monday, Daddy did it again after tying me up so i was open to Him. He took pictures of His rope work and my dripping wet pussy for His phone and personal spank bank, lol.
On Tuesday, we tried a 69 style position together. i think that i don't like that as much because i can't focus on giving good head when my pussy is vibrating from His touch. i also can't focus on cumming from oral with a cock in my mouth, but we got it done.
Then, Daddy pinned me down and started fucking me really hard. He told me to try and get away from Him. We don't do a lot of rape type play because He doesn't want to hurt me by mistake. This time, He told me to remember to use my safeword if needed. As i struggled to escape, He would readjust. When i bit Him, He pushed my face sideways into the bed so i couldn't do that again. i was able to kick His cock out of my pussy once, at which time He tried to push back into my ass, so i adjusted and took it back in vaginally. i couldn't escape as He fucked harder and harder until i was crying, which is what i have always wanted to try.
Thank You for exploring with me Daddy!!
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Birthday party
i have the best friends ever!! My girls were all at the party, as were some of my current love interests, the kiddos, and my dad. The pizza was bomb and the decorations were amazing.
i had a few vodka drinks and some smoke, and had a blast catching up with friends. i hadn't seen my froggy friend in a while and i didn't even realize how much my heart missed her. Her birthday present made me cry... i had done a pretty good job at keeping everything together until she gave me The Little Prince... Goodness, my heart is overwhelmed now just thinking about it because i miss my own little prince...
Gifts are actually the last of my love languages, but so many of the people in my life have gift giving as their primary love language. That being said, the gifts were amazing. i received earrings and panties and coloring books and stuffies and the birthday party itself. i didn't have to worry about the expenses involved with the food or even remember to bring food to the party.
Thank Y/you to everyone who participated in my birthday party last night.
On a side note, i received my 33 spankings+1 to grow on+a pinch+4 more that were re-enacted for Lola's viewing pleasure... Lol... My friends are fucking awesome :)
i had a few vodka drinks and some smoke, and had a blast catching up with friends. i hadn't seen my froggy friend in a while and i didn't even realize how much my heart missed her. Her birthday present made me cry... i had done a pretty good job at keeping everything together until she gave me The Little Prince... Goodness, my heart is overwhelmed now just thinking about it because i miss my own little prince...
Gifts are actually the last of my love languages, but so many of the people in my life have gift giving as their primary love language. That being said, the gifts were amazing. i received earrings and panties and coloring books and stuffies and the birthday party itself. i didn't have to worry about the expenses involved with the food or even remember to bring food to the party.
Thank Y/you to everyone who participated in my birthday party last night.
On a side note, i received my 33 spankings+1 to grow on+a pinch+4 more that were re-enacted for Lola's viewing pleasure... Lol... My friends are fucking awesome :)
Rope subspace
i got rope again on Friday!! This time, it was by Sire. First, he bound my arms. They had a little room to wiggle, but were mostly stationary. Then, he tied up my legs and my body was open... Naked and tied, spread open on my bed, unable to really move.
Sire took some pics and then ate my pussy. It was amazing and i was brought to orgasm a few times. My body vibrating within the rope... Then, Sire flipped me over and my face was flattened against the bed... My restricted arm movement could not help alleviate the pressure from my face and i slipped into rope subspace.
In rope subspace, i am starting to notice that the timing of the activities i do seems more fluid. i know my left pinky finger started tingling... i know that i nibbled on Sweetheart's breasts... i know i gave Sire head and he fucked me as well... i know that Sire untied me... But the timing of when things happened gets all wonky after i was turned on my face...
Goodness, i love rope subspace...
Sire took some pics and then ate my pussy. It was amazing and i was brought to orgasm a few times. My body vibrating within the rope... Then, Sire flipped me over and my face was flattened against the bed... My restricted arm movement could not help alleviate the pressure from my face and i slipped into rope subspace.
In rope subspace, i am starting to notice that the timing of the activities i do seems more fluid. i know my left pinky finger started tingling... i know that i nibbled on Sweetheart's breasts... i know i gave Sire head and he fucked me as well... i know that Sire untied me... But the timing of when things happened gets all wonky after i was turned on my face...
Goodness, i love rope subspace...
Friday, February 5, 2016
Ask and you will receive...
Going through my sticker chart yesterday while Daddy was laying in bed and i only had one more task left, which was to kiss Daddy's feet. As i pulled off the blanket and kissed His feet, i thought about how much i worship this man. He gives me everything i need and want. i told Him that i worship the ground that He walks on, and i do.
One of the things He has been helping me with is asking for things. Asking for anything is hard for me. i hate asking for help and will try everything i can to do something on my own before i ask Him to help. Likewise, i figure that if He wants to play, then He will tell me and otherwise, He doesn't really want to play... So that is another thing i have difficulty asking for... But last night, i asked anyway...
Me: Daddy... Can we play?
Daddy: oh... You want to play, do you... And after I am already in bed and everything...
Me: sorry Daddy... Nevermind...
Daddy: you know I was just playing with you... Now, go get the rope...
Me: *eyes wide* the rope... Yes Daddy, i will get the rope for you *in awe*
Goodness, you all know how much i just love my rope... It has been fucking hot and I can't get enough of it. Daddy tied my feet and something about the rope running on my feet helped me get to subspace quicker... He kept me in it for a while, as long as i could handle it. After taking it off, we fucked like animals... i was so far gone into His land of control and use. i was in my version of heaven...
One of the things He has been helping me with is asking for things. Asking for anything is hard for me. i hate asking for help and will try everything i can to do something on my own before i ask Him to help. Likewise, i figure that if He wants to play, then He will tell me and otherwise, He doesn't really want to play... So that is another thing i have difficulty asking for... But last night, i asked anyway...
Me: Daddy... Can we play?
Daddy: oh... You want to play, do you... And after I am already in bed and everything...
Me: sorry Daddy... Nevermind...
Daddy: you know I was just playing with you... Now, go get the rope...
Me: *eyes wide* the rope... Yes Daddy, i will get the rope for you *in awe*
Goodness, you all know how much i just love my rope... It has been fucking hot and I can't get enough of it. Daddy tied my feet and something about the rope running on my feet helped me get to subspace quicker... He kept me in it for a while, as long as i could handle it. After taking it off, we fucked like animals... i was so far gone into His land of control and use. i was in my version of heaven...
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Wednesday rewards
This sticker chart is working out very very well. So far, i have had 2.5 weeks without a bad sticker. i am also earning my midweek rope reward... The things a girl will do for some regular rope play. If i have done good, then on Wednesdays, i can ask for rope and i won't be denied. Daddy doesn't really like rope, but will do it for me if He has to and He is more than aware of my addiction to it.
Sire came over to talk with Daddy. After re-reading my blog about our night together and the aftermath, Sire wanted to address the issue that was brought to the surface. If I have an amazing night and Daddy's night does not meet His expectations, then i become pretty upset. After discussing this more, the way to alleviate the problem is to make sure Daddy can always fuck me before bed. This would mean that slumber parties would be out for a little while, but meeting Daddy's needs and expectations will always be my top priority and Sire understand that objective.
Then, Daddy left us alone to do rope as He needed to run to the grocery store. This time, my hands held my shoulders as they were mummy wrapped and my legs were incorporated in. i slipped off into my lovely rope head space and gave Sire head while i was bound. It has been a while since i have enjoyed sexual things and rope together. i thought it was something that didn't work for me anymore... Another thing that got broken in the hot mess of September as Sir was the only one who easily combined sex and rope for me... But the love that Sire pours into his rope artwork put me in a space that enabled me to enjoy it.
While Sire's cock was in my mouth, Daddy came home for a bit. He liked calling me a dirty whore. He touched and played for a minute and then went out for a smoke. Sire undid my legs from the main tie, but still controlled my feet with his hands. He fucked me and enjoyed feeling my pussy wrap around his cock. Then Daddy came back in and the ropes came off.
Sire said it was time for him to go, but then Daddy started to stick His cock in my ass and Sire wanted to stay and watch. So, as Sire watched, i took the head of Daddy's cock in my ass and started tugging at Sire, who pulled his dick out and asked me if i wanted to suck it -of course i wanted too... Dirty whore over here, lol-. Two cocks at once and i was enjoying every second of it. Daddy started fucking my pussy because the anal was not working out as great as He had wanted. Then it really was time to go.
We walked Sire out and Daddy let me walk him all the way to his truck where we kissed and spoke of our love. When i walked back, we smoked a little and went back inside. i was able to fuck Daddy some more and take more anal from Him as well, but only a little more... My ass is a finicky bitch sometimes, lol... And this time, we got pictures of the rope, so excited!!
Sire came over to talk with Daddy. After re-reading my blog about our night together and the aftermath, Sire wanted to address the issue that was brought to the surface. If I have an amazing night and Daddy's night does not meet His expectations, then i become pretty upset. After discussing this more, the way to alleviate the problem is to make sure Daddy can always fuck me before bed. This would mean that slumber parties would be out for a little while, but meeting Daddy's needs and expectations will always be my top priority and Sire understand that objective.
Then, Daddy left us alone to do rope as He needed to run to the grocery store. This time, my hands held my shoulders as they were mummy wrapped and my legs were incorporated in. i slipped off into my lovely rope head space and gave Sire head while i was bound. It has been a while since i have enjoyed sexual things and rope together. i thought it was something that didn't work for me anymore... Another thing that got broken in the hot mess of September as Sir was the only one who easily combined sex and rope for me... But the love that Sire pours into his rope artwork put me in a space that enabled me to enjoy it.
While Sire's cock was in my mouth, Daddy came home for a bit. He liked calling me a dirty whore. He touched and played for a minute and then went out for a smoke. Sire undid my legs from the main tie, but still controlled my feet with his hands. He fucked me and enjoyed feeling my pussy wrap around his cock. Then Daddy came back in and the ropes came off.
Sire said it was time for him to go, but then Daddy started to stick His cock in my ass and Sire wanted to stay and watch. So, as Sire watched, i took the head of Daddy's cock in my ass and started tugging at Sire, who pulled his dick out and asked me if i wanted to suck it -of course i wanted too... Dirty whore over here, lol-. Two cocks at once and i was enjoying every second of it. Daddy started fucking my pussy because the anal was not working out as great as He had wanted. Then it really was time to go.
We walked Sire out and Daddy let me walk him all the way to his truck where we kissed and spoke of our love. When i walked back, we smoked a little and went back inside. i was able to fuck Daddy some more and take more anal from Him as well, but only a little more... My ass is a finicky bitch sometimes, lol... And this time, we got pictures of the rope, so excited!!
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Support
So my grandma passed away yesterday and my heart has been aching. Twinsie came over today and made us some delicious homemade comfort food and then went to the store to get stuff to make a fresh pan of brownies and my favorite ice cream... It helps to feel love and support in difficult times.
Thank you for the love and support today, Twinsie. i appreciate you.
Also, fyi, i love the fluffy fox socks you got me for my birthday!
Thank you for the love and support today, Twinsie. i appreciate you.
Also, fyi, i love the fluffy fox socks you got me for my birthday!
Poly family meeting
A lot happened at the meeting... My big takeaways:
i continue to love all of these people. My heart is so open and free. My foundation with my Daddy enables me to love freely and be myself because i am always safe at the end of the day.
- Perception is a bitch, as always.
- In a poly family, perception always needs to be addressed with fact to help remove drama.
- i was so proud of the communication that opened up between all members of the family and feel as though we made some ground in understanding each other.
- The past does not define us, but can help understand what is coloring our perceptions. Letting the past go is important for future growth.
- My Daddy, who hates leading stuff, stepped into a leadership role and it made me proud.
- i really like mediation and making sure the conversation stays on track with all perspectives involved.
- From my perspective, i am in a Master/slave relationship with Daddy, a dating relationship with Sire, and a friendship with benefits with Sweetheart and Twinsie until we figure out where we want things to go to.
i continue to love all of these people. My heart is so open and free. My foundation with my Daddy enables me to love freely and be myself because i am always safe at the end of the day.
Dripping Mormonism
i woke up Saturday morning earlier than everyone in the house, so i got up and went outside with a cup of cocoa cappuccino and my phone and Sire's book, which is how i usually like to start Saturday and Sunday mornings. As i cracked open the book, my phone vibrated. i checked it and it was my mom, notifying me that my grandma is passing... My heart dropped and i started crying on the patio...
Suddenly, it was like losing my son all over again, which was a different experience for me. Before he passed, i had no reaction to death. Now that he is gone, every death impacts me so deeply and reminds me of the feeling of actually losing him. i will never need to be reminded of the fact that he is gone, but the feeling of losing him is something that i would like to stop feeling... That heartbreak is different than the normal heartache i feel. If you have lost a child with special needs, then you know how hard this feeling is... One of great joy because they no longer have to suffer, but also of great misery because everything in life revolved around that child before they passed and it is like the sun has been taken out of the solar system and we are aimlessly drifting around...
i had planned to do the zoo in the morning and then go to dispose of my garments in the evening. My mom said to continue with my day as she hadn't passed yet and she wouldn't want me waiting around for her to pass on... They knew i had already experienced that back in September as my beautiful boy wasted away to nothing before his bright light finally moved to another plane...
So we went to the zoo, Daddy, Sweetheart, my dad, myself, and my two boys. We had so much fun at the zoo. Sweetheart and i were picking on each other like sisters the whole time we were there. Pushing on each other, hitting, holding hands, and running around like little kids. i hip checked her and she spilled water on herself because she had an open water bottle in her hands, so she dumped water down my underwear... Good times, lol...
Saturday evening came quickly after the zoo. We went to Twinsie's house and set up the party. She had done most of the cleaning the night before. We still had some items to grab at the store, but Daddy was excited after watching girls cleaning and setting up for the party, so He fucked Twinsie as i had my monthly visitor (stupid period). After Daddy went to the store, Sire came in with his happy smile and i released the frustration and worry from the night before.
i tried to start the fire, but had Sire help cuz blowing on a lot of tinder wasn't working on the wood we brought. Frisky, her Master, and a new friend came along. Lil fox had to cancel and Sweetheart was uninvited due to Twinsie's request because of the drama filled SWLC weekend. i had decided that i wasn't going to burn my garments that day because of my headspace from the night before and the loss of my grandma.
While waiting for the fire, Twinsie and Daddy had gone inside. i honestly wanted to get the burning part over so Sire and i could play. i missed my sweet Sire as the drama of the weekend took a toll on each of us. They were taking too long, so i went in to find them. As Daddy came out first, He quickly filled me in on what was taking them so long. Twinsie was upset because we were chatting about stories from the night before and she wasn't aware that Sire went to our house that evening and felt she was lied to.
My only hard limit is lying. i can't stand it. i would rather be hurt with the truth than to unknowingly live a lie. So my first instinct was to go talk to Sire about it and get to the bottom of it. When i turned to go talk to him, Daddy told me to save it for another time so we didn't ruin everyone's night... So i listened, but it put me in a bad headspace.
i tried to participate in the burning, but just kept burying myself in the booze and the bud. Neither wanted to work for me. i sat with Sire and cuddled as the garments burned and we watched the aftermath drip from a log into a weird gooey puddle, destroyed in one of the methods required by the institution... We do like to follow rules, after all. Then we went to the play room and Sire used my rope on me. i was able to partially lose myself in the artwork of Sire's rope laying skills. My legs were bound tightly into the number 4 and my arms were tied behind my back. He then flipped me over and the pain was just what i needed to feel comforted. He allowed me to stay in the rope for a while, which was awesome. His hands were on me and He fingered and licked my ass. We cuddled together and watched as our other friends played. Frisky watched our scene and seemed happy when Sire mentioned that she was watching a blog happen before it was posted. Frisky reads my blog pretty regularly -thank you sweetie- and keeps me on top of it... Don't want to disappoint my readers, lol.
i watched from afar as Twinsie placed needless in Frisky's back. It was hot! Then Daddy had me move to a spot closer to the action and the smell of alcohol gave me a bad headache, so i had to move back to my spot by the door to get fresher air. We decided to go back outside, so Sire built the fire again. As the music played, i danced on my Daddy and we watched a scene between our friends on the lawn.
Then, it was time for us to go as He had to work the next morning. In the car ride home, i became upset because the drama was overwhelming for me. Daddy decided that we needed to sit down as a group and determine which direction everything was moving and to remove the drama all together.
After we got home, He fucked me into that toy subspace again. He doesn't usually like to use me when i am on my period... Just too messy between that and the squirting, but i think He could feel how much i needed to be out of my own head that night.
Suddenly, it was like losing my son all over again, which was a different experience for me. Before he passed, i had no reaction to death. Now that he is gone, every death impacts me so deeply and reminds me of the feeling of actually losing him. i will never need to be reminded of the fact that he is gone, but the feeling of losing him is something that i would like to stop feeling... That heartbreak is different than the normal heartache i feel. If you have lost a child with special needs, then you know how hard this feeling is... One of great joy because they no longer have to suffer, but also of great misery because everything in life revolved around that child before they passed and it is like the sun has been taken out of the solar system and we are aimlessly drifting around...
i had planned to do the zoo in the morning and then go to dispose of my garments in the evening. My mom said to continue with my day as she hadn't passed yet and she wouldn't want me waiting around for her to pass on... They knew i had already experienced that back in September as my beautiful boy wasted away to nothing before his bright light finally moved to another plane...
So we went to the zoo, Daddy, Sweetheart, my dad, myself, and my two boys. We had so much fun at the zoo. Sweetheart and i were picking on each other like sisters the whole time we were there. Pushing on each other, hitting, holding hands, and running around like little kids. i hip checked her and she spilled water on herself because she had an open water bottle in her hands, so she dumped water down my underwear... Good times, lol...
Saturday evening came quickly after the zoo. We went to Twinsie's house and set up the party. She had done most of the cleaning the night before. We still had some items to grab at the store, but Daddy was excited after watching girls cleaning and setting up for the party, so He fucked Twinsie as i had my monthly visitor (stupid period). After Daddy went to the store, Sire came in with his happy smile and i released the frustration and worry from the night before.
i tried to start the fire, but had Sire help cuz blowing on a lot of tinder wasn't working on the wood we brought. Frisky, her Master, and a new friend came along. Lil fox had to cancel and Sweetheart was uninvited due to Twinsie's request because of the drama filled SWLC weekend. i had decided that i wasn't going to burn my garments that day because of my headspace from the night before and the loss of my grandma.
While waiting for the fire, Twinsie and Daddy had gone inside. i honestly wanted to get the burning part over so Sire and i could play. i missed my sweet Sire as the drama of the weekend took a toll on each of us. They were taking too long, so i went in to find them. As Daddy came out first, He quickly filled me in on what was taking them so long. Twinsie was upset because we were chatting about stories from the night before and she wasn't aware that Sire went to our house that evening and felt she was lied to.
My only hard limit is lying. i can't stand it. i would rather be hurt with the truth than to unknowingly live a lie. So my first instinct was to go talk to Sire about it and get to the bottom of it. When i turned to go talk to him, Daddy told me to save it for another time so we didn't ruin everyone's night... So i listened, but it put me in a bad headspace.
i tried to participate in the burning, but just kept burying myself in the booze and the bud. Neither wanted to work for me. i sat with Sire and cuddled as the garments burned and we watched the aftermath drip from a log into a weird gooey puddle, destroyed in one of the methods required by the institution... We do like to follow rules, after all. Then we went to the play room and Sire used my rope on me. i was able to partially lose myself in the artwork of Sire's rope laying skills. My legs were bound tightly into the number 4 and my arms were tied behind my back. He then flipped me over and the pain was just what i needed to feel comforted. He allowed me to stay in the rope for a while, which was awesome. His hands were on me and He fingered and licked my ass. We cuddled together and watched as our other friends played. Frisky watched our scene and seemed happy when Sire mentioned that she was watching a blog happen before it was posted. Frisky reads my blog pretty regularly -thank you sweetie- and keeps me on top of it... Don't want to disappoint my readers, lol.
i watched from afar as Twinsie placed needless in Frisky's back. It was hot! Then Daddy had me move to a spot closer to the action and the smell of alcohol gave me a bad headache, so i had to move back to my spot by the door to get fresher air. We decided to go back outside, so Sire built the fire again. As the music played, i danced on my Daddy and we watched a scene between our friends on the lawn.
Then, it was time for us to go as He had to work the next morning. In the car ride home, i became upset because the drama was overwhelming for me. Daddy decided that we needed to sit down as a group and determine which direction everything was moving and to remove the drama all together.
After we got home, He fucked me into that toy subspace again. He doesn't usually like to use me when i am on my period... Just too messy between that and the squirting, but i think He could feel how much i needed to be out of my own head that night.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Drunken frustration
My heart sank as my sweet Sire hopped out of his truck, swigging from a whisky bottle that looked over halfway gone. Sweetheart asked when the bottle had been purchased and when he said that it was purchased after he got off work that day, i knew we were off to the races.
One thing i hadn't discussed yet with Sire was my issue with drinking and driving. My dad, when i was growing up, was in and out of jail for most of my life due to DUIs, so i have a special frustration that comes with drinking and driving. i will not get behind the wheel if i have had more than 1 beverage in the last hour. i know that people have different tolerances, but it frustrates me regardless.
The night started out with me frustrated and then moved to me being worried. There was a point where Sire had pulled out a knife and came toward Sweetheart that worried me. i wasn't particularly scared because knife play is a thing, but i was worried due to the amount of alcohol. When i mentioned that blood play was not allowed at my house, the knife was put away immediately.
i struggled with frustration and worry through the rest of the night. Daddy did a great job at helping manage the night and assisted with calming everything down. We finally turned on the movie Secretary and then we all kind of passed out.
Nobody drove away from the house drunk, so that made me happy. He has also promised not to do it again, which i trust.
One thing i hadn't discussed yet with Sire was my issue with drinking and driving. My dad, when i was growing up, was in and out of jail for most of my life due to DUIs, so i have a special frustration that comes with drinking and driving. i will not get behind the wheel if i have had more than 1 beverage in the last hour. i know that people have different tolerances, but it frustrates me regardless.
The night started out with me frustrated and then moved to me being worried. There was a point where Sire had pulled out a knife and came toward Sweetheart that worried me. i wasn't particularly scared because knife play is a thing, but i was worried due to the amount of alcohol. When i mentioned that blood play was not allowed at my house, the knife was put away immediately.
i struggled with frustration and worry through the rest of the night. Daddy did a great job at helping manage the night and assisted with calming everything down. We finally turned on the movie Secretary and then we all kind of passed out.
Nobody drove away from the house drunk, so that made me happy. He has also promised not to do it again, which i trust.
Hanging with Friends
After the SWLC was over, we were able to spend some time with each of our loved ones. The weekend had been a difficult one and so decompression was needed. We offered a therapy spot of some sort to come and replenish and breathe.
Sire was the first one to come over on Tuesday. We spoke about shifts in dynamics and changes overall. Daddy and Sire smoked some cigars as i made sure both had an adequate supply of water. After finding out that Sire's truck wasn't going to be ready to pick up (it was in the shop and he was riding a motorcycle), we offered to have him stay for dinner. Daddy took the boys out to get fast food and i showed Sire how i can ride. While playing with Sire, i was able to release control and slip into the toy space i usually get to with Daddy. It was amazing. We were done and chatting on the couch by the time they came back.
Twinsie came over the next day and we had dinner and i cleaned as she watched movies with Daddy. She came to help me and i sent her back to the couch because having her keep Daddy company doing something i don't really like that much (watching TV) was a better help to me than having her in the kitchen cleaning up. i took the boys to Walmart so Daddy and Twinsie could have their own kid-free fuck session. They were also out and chatting when we got back. After the kids went to bed, she stayed and watched our nighttime routine. She saw the sticker chart in action and the rope Daddy did. Making a drink with one's arms tied behind one's back is pretty difficult, but i got it done.
The next day, Sweetheart came over and we chatted and pushed and played with each other. We cuddled into bed together and I scratched her a lot. We decided to take our friendship to a friendship with benefits. We play and goof around and are just getting to know each other.
Each person is so different and i love them all.
Sire was the first one to come over on Tuesday. We spoke about shifts in dynamics and changes overall. Daddy and Sire smoked some cigars as i made sure both had an adequate supply of water. After finding out that Sire's truck wasn't going to be ready to pick up (it was in the shop and he was riding a motorcycle), we offered to have him stay for dinner. Daddy took the boys out to get fast food and i showed Sire how i can ride. While playing with Sire, i was able to release control and slip into the toy space i usually get to with Daddy. It was amazing. We were done and chatting on the couch by the time they came back.
Twinsie came over the next day and we had dinner and i cleaned as she watched movies with Daddy. She came to help me and i sent her back to the couch because having her keep Daddy company doing something i don't really like that much (watching TV) was a better help to me than having her in the kitchen cleaning up. i took the boys to Walmart so Daddy and Twinsie could have their own kid-free fuck session. They were also out and chatting when we got back. After the kids went to bed, she stayed and watched our nighttime routine. She saw the sticker chart in action and the rope Daddy did. Making a drink with one's arms tied behind one's back is pretty difficult, but i got it done.
The next day, Sweetheart came over and we chatted and pushed and played with each other. We cuddled into bed together and I scratched her a lot. We decided to take our friendship to a friendship with benefits. We play and goof around and are just getting to know each other.
Each person is so different and i love them all.
Dance of Souls-SWLC
First of all, i wasn't there. i did not go this year, but i still got to experience some of it through my loved ones and there was a part of me that was in that drum circle...
i wasn't there, but i turned on the Pandora station i have that plays the music locked inside of me and danced with them. i took screenshots of the songs that i listened to that seemed to speak to me. The first song on was an Ellie Goulding song called Ritual... Couldn't have been better...
As i danced in my kitchen and swayed to the beat, my heart felt heavy. It felt dark and heavy and confused at the beginning. As the time went on, the heavy lifted and peace and light filled its place... My energy bled over to that space and was used where needed. After an hour of dancing, i decided to let it go. i felt that my participation was no longer needed.
i wasn't there, but i turned on the Pandora station i have that plays the music locked inside of me and danced with them. i took screenshots of the songs that i listened to that seemed to speak to me. The first song on was an Ellie Goulding song called Ritual... Couldn't have been better...
As i danced in my kitchen and swayed to the beat, my heart felt heavy. It felt dark and heavy and confused at the beginning. As the time went on, the heavy lifted and peace and light filled its place... My energy bled over to that space and was used where needed. After an hour of dancing, i decided to let it go. i felt that my participation was no longer needed.
Bonfire
It is pretty apparent that i live a less vanilla life as i stand around with all my family members at a bonfire and have nothing really to talk with them about... Sigh...
Slumber party
This weekend was the wonderful Southwest Leather Conference. With half of our poly family attending, we set up some friendship dates over the weekend, cuz i still need the distractions. Without the distractions, i get lost in my depression and heart wrenching sadness...
We had a brewery night planned with my Ma'am, but she ended up having to work later than we were prepared to stay out as we were going to the zoo on Saturday. We had already invited lil fox and so she decided to come and spend the night to go with us to the zoo the next day.
We ended up having a really fun slumber party. We started by going out to eat. We chose a Chili's by our house, and as a funny coincidence, the waiter was the same one from this blog posting called Library Book... Lol... He let me take a selfie with him and send it to Sir.
Then we went to the store for booze... Cuz what type of adult slumber party doesn't have booze, ha-ha. While at the Fry's, we noticed the whole section of Valentine's day stuff. Two big bins were filled with ginormous stuffed animals. i stared at them, wanting to hop in, but not moving to on my own. That is when lil fox suggested it, so i hopped in. We got fun pictures of the experience, lol...
Then after we got home, we colored. We chatted for a bit and then it was time for bed. i helped get lil fox situated on the couch and then went into the room and fucked the shit out of Daddy. Once He was taken care of, i went and laid down on the couch as well. We chatted a little more and then fell asleep. The zoo the next morning was amazing and i was finally able to give lil fox the panda socks she earned for being a good girl.
We had a brewery night planned with my Ma'am, but she ended up having to work later than we were prepared to stay out as we were going to the zoo on Saturday. We had already invited lil fox and so she decided to come and spend the night to go with us to the zoo the next day.
We ended up having a really fun slumber party. We started by going out to eat. We chose a Chili's by our house, and as a funny coincidence, the waiter was the same one from this blog posting called Library Book... Lol... He let me take a selfie with him and send it to Sir.
Then we went to the store for booze... Cuz what type of adult slumber party doesn't have booze, ha-ha. While at the Fry's, we noticed the whole section of Valentine's day stuff. Two big bins were filled with ginormous stuffed animals. i stared at them, wanting to hop in, but not moving to on my own. That is when lil fox suggested it, so i hopped in. We got fun pictures of the experience, lol...
Then after we got home, we colored. We chatted for a bit and then it was time for bed. i helped get lil fox situated on the couch and then went into the room and fucked the shit out of Daddy. Once He was taken care of, i went and laid down on the couch as well. We chatted a little more and then fell asleep. The zoo the next morning was amazing and i was finally able to give lil fox the panda socks she earned for being a good girl.
A slave's dilemma
After the amazing date night and the wonderful day with Daddy the next day, one would think i would have been on cloud nine... But in reality, i was struggling and upset. i snapped repeatedly at Daddy. When Sire asked to schedule a date on the Monday after SWLC, i kinda lost my shit and started sending long and erratic text messages.
i just felt like everything was too much and i couldn't find happiness and balance within myself. So, i did what i do and i talked it out with my Loves and my closest friends to see what was going on. My hammer of truth sometimes catches others off guard and can also be pretty blunt, which is why i call it a truth hammer, lol... Sometimes, it even catches me off guard, lol... When i first starting talking, i requested a pump on the breaks to determine why i was freaking over making plans and allowing myself to let go when i am with Sire. When i sent a screenshot of the conversation to Daddy, He was interested in how prepared i was to stop everything to make sure He is always taken care of. i wondered if i deserved the level of freedom i had on my date if Daddy didn't get it as well. i felt like i did when it was happening, but now i wasn't as sure...
The more i talked, the more i realized that i was really upset. My slave heart was upset that my date night went better than my Daddy's date night and i experienced freedom from everything while He was stuck. As a slave, my night should never go better than Daddy's. That night, Daddy had anticipated and expected to get off. When that didn't happen and He was left sexually frustrated, it fucked with my head.
Upon determining that, we decided to discuss how to set up proper expectations so we can plan better. Daddy realized that He needs to set His expectations to match the other person He is hanging with and it would be good. If all else fails, we need to ensure that i am available to come home and fuck Him if He is expecting that and is not getting it. As long as His night goes well, i am comfortable with having my own nights as well.
i just felt like everything was too much and i couldn't find happiness and balance within myself. So, i did what i do and i talked it out with my Loves and my closest friends to see what was going on. My hammer of truth sometimes catches others off guard and can also be pretty blunt, which is why i call it a truth hammer, lol... Sometimes, it even catches me off guard, lol... When i first starting talking, i requested a pump on the breaks to determine why i was freaking over making plans and allowing myself to let go when i am with Sire. When i sent a screenshot of the conversation to Daddy, He was interested in how prepared i was to stop everything to make sure He is always taken care of. i wondered if i deserved the level of freedom i had on my date if Daddy didn't get it as well. i felt like i did when it was happening, but now i wasn't as sure...
The more i talked, the more i realized that i was really upset. My slave heart was upset that my date night went better than my Daddy's date night and i experienced freedom from everything while He was stuck. As a slave, my night should never go better than Daddy's. That night, Daddy had anticipated and expected to get off. When that didn't happen and He was left sexually frustrated, it fucked with my head.
Upon determining that, we decided to discuss how to set up proper expectations so we can plan better. Daddy realized that He needs to set His expectations to match the other person He is hanging with and it would be good. If all else fails, we need to ensure that i am available to come home and fuck Him if He is expecting that and is not getting it. As long as His night goes well, i am comfortable with having my own nights as well.
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Home with Daddy
Sire brought me home in time to get ready for work on Tuesday, 1/19. When i got home, i found out that Daddy was sexually frustrated from His date the night before. One of the reasons that our solo date worked and i didn't have to worry about Daddy is because He was at the house with Sweetheart and i knew that He would be taken care of.
i needed to shower, so Sweetheart gave Daddy a fluffer blow job while i showered, and then i hopped on as soon as i was out. Then, i got ready for work. After i finished, i just felt like i wanted to stay home and take care of Daddy. He had given me an amazing experience the night before, so i wanted to show Him my appreciation. He allowed me to stay home!
We played and we fucked and He used me like the little toy slave that i am for Him. i couldn't write about how amazing it was because i just don't have the words when it comes to describing how Daddy fucks and uses me. All i know is that He fucks me into my toy subspace and can do anything He wants after that because i am fully submitting to Him.
We also developed a new way to help me get back to my favorite version of me, the full slave. Sticker chart!! This is totally appealing to the babygirl side of me and helping me get back on track with life chores. There are rules and chores and prizes and it is fucking awesome!!
Best day off ever!!
i needed to shower, so Sweetheart gave Daddy a fluffer blow job while i showered, and then i hopped on as soon as i was out. Then, i got ready for work. After i finished, i just felt like i wanted to stay home and take care of Daddy. He had given me an amazing experience the night before, so i wanted to show Him my appreciation. He allowed me to stay home!
We played and we fucked and He used me like the little toy slave that i am for Him. i couldn't write about how amazing it was because i just don't have the words when it comes to describing how Daddy fucks and uses me. All i know is that He fucks me into my toy subspace and can do anything He wants after that because i am fully submitting to Him.
We also developed a new way to help me get back to my favorite version of me, the full slave. Sticker chart!! This is totally appealing to the babygirl side of me and helping me get back on track with life chores. There are rules and chores and prizes and it is fucking awesome!!
Best day off ever!!
Now this is a solo date!
Dammit, need to catch up on writing again. Lol...
So last Monday, 1/18, Sire and i had our actual solo date. My favorite thing about the night was the freedom that i felt. The freedom to be a me that has no responsibilities or deadlines. The freedom to play and do anything we wanted with minimal control as well. Daddy lifted the 30 minute fucking restriction He had placed before.
As a mom, when Daddy and i play at home, there is still a portion of my brain that focuses on my kids. When we play outside of the home together, my brain is always fixed on making Daddy happy and a part of me looks at Him and sees the son we lost. It is hard, but the good and fun always outweighs the worry and despair. i remembered what it felt like to escape everything when i went on my final date with my Sir and i was hoping this experience would be more freeing, and it was.
For this night, i truly was slave foxy receiving a reward for being a good girl with strict instruction from Daddy to have the best time i could, follow my contract rules, and to take care of Sire the best i could which would make Daddy proud. i felt like i met his expectations.
i slipped into the box i have with Sire. In that box, i am Sire's Cara Mia, or heart song. We are passionate and romantic and silly and playful. In that box, where i love him madly and desperately, i get to be this spontaneously sexual princess who has doors opened and is not allowed to release herself from a vehicle without express permission. She is horny and amazing at sexual innuendo. She is well-written, educated, and appreciated for those gifts. She can have a couple drinks or a little marijuana and feel right as rain. She is easy and carefree without a worry in the world because she just is who she is and Sire loves her for that. She is intensely focused on connecting with Sire.
She is one of the many personalities i play around with. She is beyond free within the cage that Sire is providing. i happen to love cages. They are amazingly fun for lots of reasons. My favorite is that all of the walls and corners are clearly defined. You know what will happen if you touch the wall of an electrocuted cage... Rules and relationship dynamics work the same way. When building that cage, you review the way you want it to look, the room you want to give, and the way in and out of it.
i feel like this solo date helped me understand a little about what the first large edges of the cage will look like. The good news is that there is a lot of room in the cage right now. Only rule so far is that i am not allowed to open a car door for myself as Sire decides when i should enter or exit a vehicle. i thoroughly enjoy this rule as i am usually the one that opens the door and puts Daddy in the car... But Cara Mia, the princess, doesn't do that. It is different and interesting.
The walls of my cage are decorated with nakedness and sex. His bed is so soft and squishy that i like to get naked immediately and jump on it, but first we had to take a shower. i had already washed and curled my hair and did my makeup, so i literally just stood in the shower as Sire washed and helped here and there. Then, after we were all the way clean, we hopped on the bed and had quite a bit of sex. Then i was hungry, so we went out to eat.
The walls of my cage are decorated with Italian food, which i love, and writings upon writings. To be able to discuss personal development books and Sire's book (which i am reading), was fun. We also discussed a little about my prior relationship with Sir and My Queen, as that relationship more closely mirrors what i am doing now. Learning some close history can help us understand the things we like and don't like, to see if compatability exists. He definitely understands the importance of my contract and the rules, which puts my mind at ease.
The walls of my cage are decorated with rope! Glorious rope and its movement and texture and gauge... Sire tied my hand in a hang ten with this very thinly gauged rope. It was tight and funny. i love how quickly rope relaxes me.
Lastly, the walls of my cage are decorated with paddles?! Lol... i have been thinking a lot about paddles and spankings and whips and all the BDSM toys that Sire has. He spoke to me about rhythm and motion and alternating placement, but by the end, i just liked the way it felt and the space it put me into. It helped me fall right to sleep as i spent the night as well.
It makes me feel like my Daddy spoils me with these experiences because a good slave deserves a treat at times. My Daddy gives me treats of freedom for my good behavior, not just trinkets and socks, but full experiences in different shoes. He loves me so much and knows that my chameleon-type nature enjoys feeling the shift.
Thank You both so much for the amazing night!!
So last Monday, 1/18, Sire and i had our actual solo date. My favorite thing about the night was the freedom that i felt. The freedom to be a me that has no responsibilities or deadlines. The freedom to play and do anything we wanted with minimal control as well. Daddy lifted the 30 minute fucking restriction He had placed before.
As a mom, when Daddy and i play at home, there is still a portion of my brain that focuses on my kids. When we play outside of the home together, my brain is always fixed on making Daddy happy and a part of me looks at Him and sees the son we lost. It is hard, but the good and fun always outweighs the worry and despair. i remembered what it felt like to escape everything when i went on my final date with my Sir and i was hoping this experience would be more freeing, and it was.
For this night, i truly was slave foxy receiving a reward for being a good girl with strict instruction from Daddy to have the best time i could, follow my contract rules, and to take care of Sire the best i could which would make Daddy proud. i felt like i met his expectations.
i slipped into the box i have with Sire. In that box, i am Sire's Cara Mia, or heart song. We are passionate and romantic and silly and playful. In that box, where i love him madly and desperately, i get to be this spontaneously sexual princess who has doors opened and is not allowed to release herself from a vehicle without express permission. She is horny and amazing at sexual innuendo. She is well-written, educated, and appreciated for those gifts. She can have a couple drinks or a little marijuana and feel right as rain. She is easy and carefree without a worry in the world because she just is who she is and Sire loves her for that. She is intensely focused on connecting with Sire.
She is one of the many personalities i play around with. She is beyond free within the cage that Sire is providing. i happen to love cages. They are amazingly fun for lots of reasons. My favorite is that all of the walls and corners are clearly defined. You know what will happen if you touch the wall of an electrocuted cage... Rules and relationship dynamics work the same way. When building that cage, you review the way you want it to look, the room you want to give, and the way in and out of it.
i feel like this solo date helped me understand a little about what the first large edges of the cage will look like. The good news is that there is a lot of room in the cage right now. Only rule so far is that i am not allowed to open a car door for myself as Sire decides when i should enter or exit a vehicle. i thoroughly enjoy this rule as i am usually the one that opens the door and puts Daddy in the car... But Cara Mia, the princess, doesn't do that. It is different and interesting.
The walls of my cage are decorated with nakedness and sex. His bed is so soft and squishy that i like to get naked immediately and jump on it, but first we had to take a shower. i had already washed and curled my hair and did my makeup, so i literally just stood in the shower as Sire washed and helped here and there. Then, after we were all the way clean, we hopped on the bed and had quite a bit of sex. Then i was hungry, so we went out to eat.
The walls of my cage are decorated with Italian food, which i love, and writings upon writings. To be able to discuss personal development books and Sire's book (which i am reading), was fun. We also discussed a little about my prior relationship with Sir and My Queen, as that relationship more closely mirrors what i am doing now. Learning some close history can help us understand the things we like and don't like, to see if compatability exists. He definitely understands the importance of my contract and the rules, which puts my mind at ease.
The walls of my cage are decorated with rope! Glorious rope and its movement and texture and gauge... Sire tied my hand in a hang ten with this very thinly gauged rope. It was tight and funny. i love how quickly rope relaxes me.
Lastly, the walls of my cage are decorated with paddles?! Lol... i have been thinking a lot about paddles and spankings and whips and all the BDSM toys that Sire has. He spoke to me about rhythm and motion and alternating placement, but by the end, i just liked the way it felt and the space it put me into. It helped me fall right to sleep as i spent the night as well.
It makes me feel like my Daddy spoils me with these experiences because a good slave deserves a treat at times. My Daddy gives me treats of freedom for my good behavior, not just trinkets and socks, but full experiences in different shoes. He loves me so much and knows that my chameleon-type nature enjoys feeling the shift.
Thank You both so much for the amazing night!!
Monday, January 18, 2016
Pie making... Or how my dad found out about poly...
Holy shit...
So, i learned how to make a delicious banana cream pie with a Nilla wafer crust and it was to die for... i am already in plans with myself to make it again... Lol...
Started out with us girls catching up and my dad and our husbands mostly watching the football game. The cardinals won and we were drinking while pie making, so i wanted to stay all night and hang with my girls... But i also wanted to see Sire and the girls... So we chatted and they decided to come over!!
Then the fun got interesting as i listened to kitty ask questions about Sire's dynamic with his girls, heard friends talk about blow jobs and who gives the better head... And my two best friends make out with each other... Hot as fuck! But a little sad because neither wanted to make out with me... Lol... Not because of some shortfall within me, but because they both love me too much to do anything that could jeopardize our friendship and i love these girls so much... You are my sisters if you are reading this... (Which you probably aren't, lol -cuz of the sister thing)...
Then kitty gives puppy spankings with The Judge and my youngest son (4) walks in and asks what is going on... Puppy thinks quickly and says, I have been a very bad girl... And my son says, okay, and walks away... (Just thought to mention that everyone kept their clothes on due to kids being around and nothing sexual happened anywhere the kids had access to - that would be inappropriate)...
i locked my keys in my house when i went to get the hand mixer, so we had to catch a ride home... Embarrassing...
The next morning, talking to my dad, i find out that he texted his girl to tell her about the blow job conversation and she said, I bet none of those girls give head as good as me... Lol... Everyone is so perverted and i love it!!
This, of course, sparks the conversation between my dad and i on the poly relationship dynamic we are in. My dad says that Sire seems cool and he felt that between himself, Sire, and Daddy, i am very well protected... My dad hasn't really said something like that before... Except the one time he threatened a man i was dating...
It was interesting to talk to Him about our relationships and our eventual want to add another woman to our household to have children with since my genetics have a disorder hidden within them... i refuse to put myself, my family, or another child through that torture...
It was good to be myself in front of my dad... Family is so hard to come out to...
So, i learned how to make a delicious banana cream pie with a Nilla wafer crust and it was to die for... i am already in plans with myself to make it again... Lol...
Started out with us girls catching up and my dad and our husbands mostly watching the football game. The cardinals won and we were drinking while pie making, so i wanted to stay all night and hang with my girls... But i also wanted to see Sire and the girls... So we chatted and they decided to come over!!
Then the fun got interesting as i listened to kitty ask questions about Sire's dynamic with his girls, heard friends talk about blow jobs and who gives the better head... And my two best friends make out with each other... Hot as fuck! But a little sad because neither wanted to make out with me... Lol... Not because of some shortfall within me, but because they both love me too much to do anything that could jeopardize our friendship and i love these girls so much... You are my sisters if you are reading this... (Which you probably aren't, lol -cuz of the sister thing)...
Then kitty gives puppy spankings with The Judge and my youngest son (4) walks in and asks what is going on... Puppy thinks quickly and says, I have been a very bad girl... And my son says, okay, and walks away... (Just thought to mention that everyone kept their clothes on due to kids being around and nothing sexual happened anywhere the kids had access to - that would be inappropriate)...
i locked my keys in my house when i went to get the hand mixer, so we had to catch a ride home... Embarrassing...
The next morning, talking to my dad, i find out that he texted his girl to tell her about the blow job conversation and she said, I bet none of those girls give head as good as me... Lol... Everyone is so perverted and i love it!!
This, of course, sparks the conversation between my dad and i on the poly relationship dynamic we are in. My dad says that Sire seems cool and he felt that between himself, Sire, and Daddy, i am very well protected... My dad hasn't really said something like that before... Except the one time he threatened a man i was dating...
It was interesting to talk to Him about our relationships and our eventual want to add another woman to our household to have children with since my genetics have a disorder hidden within them... i refuse to put myself, my family, or another child through that torture...
It was good to be myself in front of my dad... Family is so hard to come out to...
A girl with a pole
Rope Night is so fucking awesome!! Favorite event ever! Every time i go has been amazing for me and has provided me with the experiences i want to have.
Sire picked me up and i happily gave Him head all down the 60... We had to stop about the time we got onto the 10 because we needed to make sure He didn't cum in my mouth, lol. Then, we got to rope and the girls were already there. Sweetheart and Twinsie had grabbed a great mat in a great location. Big hugs and big kisses all around... But especially focused on Twinsie because of the emotions that had come up the night before.
Then Sire tied Twinsie as Daddy pulled in to the parking lot. i went outside to meet Him and He had a smoke as i clung to Him, also trying to battle and push away the fear of loss... Then, we went back in and it was my turn to get tied up...
As Sire tied me, i slipped into Rope Bunny zone... Feeling His rope on my skin... Feeling the loving energy it is filled with... Chest and hip harness secured before tying me to the bamboo pole. Then, Daddy and Sire picked me up off the ground and started swinging me back and forth and i was flying... i was safe and free from everything and just flying through the air. Everything fell away...
Then, i was brought back to reality as Sweetheart nibbled my ribs and Sire and her sang a little of the Chili's theme song for baby back ribs to acquiesce to a request that my Fluffy made the day before. (Fluffy is a friend from work who calls herself vibrantly vanilla)... Then, i was set down only for my Daddy to come pick me up on His own... Talk about making a girl feel small... i was so impressed and happy when He grabbed the pole with both hands and lifted me up...
Then, we took the pole off and i was able to cuddle a little with Sire. Then we removed the rest of the ties and cuddled with the rest of the family as Daddy took the pics. Twinsie had to go due to other obligations and a need for a good night sleep. We all walked her out to the car and said goodbye.
Sometime, while this was all happening, lil fox came by... It had been a while... We had decided being friends was better after she cancelled a weekend and didn't follow my instructions on what to do about missing the scavenger hunt. i was so glad to see her, but similarly worried as she brought a man with her that didn't deserve to be in her life due to his abuse... We chatted for a bit and it was fun. She decided to leave at the same time that Twinsie was leaving.
As she appeared for a hug goodbye, she told me that she loves me... This is different for her as she doesn't say those words easily... My heart became very torn and i wanted to say, then fuck this guy and come back inside with me... Be with me... Stay with me... Come to me, pretty girl... But instead, i shut down the siren in my brain and did not start my seductive song... Instead, i told her that when she is ready for me, i am waiting... Once she gets her shit together and figured out... i am here... i was disappointed by the path she had chosen... Not just because it took her away from me and hurt my Daddy's feelings... But also because the Daddies that she had told me about weren't even making sure that she was eating... Sigh... But she is a grown woman and can make this decisions for herself... Even if i feel she is too little to do it right, lol...
So, after they left, we did some more rope and watched a performance. During the performance, Sire fell asleep on my lap and i was able to enjoy snuggling with Sweetheart. After the performance, we decided to wrap it up and we went out to I hop for dinner. i learned how Sire takes His coffee and started making it for Him after the first cup. We had fun visiting with Frisky's group as well... Just an overall awesome night!!
Sexting with Sire
Sire: you are sitting naked on the long bench on my eating table, you are quietly staring at the coffee sack on the wall.
me: Mmm, the bench is so cold on my naked skin...
Sire: music is playing softly in the background...Chello music...
me: Mmmm, sweet sounding cello...
Sire: I am playing a soft 3 note song
me: Goodness, i would love to hear You play...My eyes closed. Leaning into the music.
Sire: I lay down the Chello on the couch where I was seated...staring at your back side and ass
me: My eyes immediately open as if i am waking and turn toward You. A small smile on my face.
Sire: I walk over to you and firmly grab your pony tail with one hand and then reach around and grab a breast with the other. A sweet smile on your face.
me: Yes, a sweet smile, Sire. i arch into you and push my ass back on the bench...
Sire: I push you back down onto the bench in draw your face to my lips kiss you deeply.
me: i drink You in
Sire: I want to smell your wetness on my fingers. So I gently but firmly probe your pussy with two fingers.
me: Mmmm, i arch my back again and press my breast into your hand, kissing You deeply.
Sire: While still holding your ponytail tightly in my hand, I pull you up to your feet to lead you into the bedroom. I'm behind you now pushing your head forward as you stumble ahead of me knowing that I'm going to put you in the bed. Yes kissing me very. I already have ties on each bedpost I'm ready to tie your hands and your feet to my bed.
me: Mmmm, i get excited about the bed and start wiggling my ass. Oh yay!!! Rope!! *claps hand*
Sire: I shove you onto the bed and tell you to lay spread eagle so that I can see your open pussy and see your beautiful breasts in your face as I began to tie your hands to the posts.
me: i oblige immediately and move into the requested position quickly. Arching my hopes to give a better view of my shaved dripping wet pussy.
Sire: But you're in for a little surprise now that I have you tied up.
me: Mmmmm, yes Sire! A surprise!! Yay!
Sire: I walk into the kitchen and you hear a little rustling around and I come back with exactly 3 of the yellow roses that were in the vase.
me: *blushing* the roses! They smelled so pretty.
Sire: I waive the roses gently under your nose so you can smell their sweet fragrance, but then I show you the sharp thorns on each of the stems as your eyes widen.
me: i love them. Oh shit! i bite my lip. Look at You pleadingly.
Sire: I gently drag the roses across your breasts so that you can feel the sharp little thorns just touching ever so slightly on your tender skin, I pull the roses all the way down your stomach and let the pile of 3 rest just the top of your pussy.
me: The tickle arches my back and raises my hips.
Sire: I'm sure that your pussy smells better than the roses so I lean down take a smell of each.
me: *blushing* i look to the right
Sire: I slid my hand under your back in lifted high to cause your body to arch i just want to see you move in shiver on my hand
me: Try to hide in my shoulder
Sire: But you can't hide from me as I grab your pony tail again and move your head so that it faces my mouth I want another kiss and I want it now.
me: Mmmmm, shivering nicely, muscles tight. Yes Sire! Licks Your lips.
Sire: I purposely take my time removing my boots my socks in my pants just to tantalize you
me: Sire... Come over to the bed Lover. Look, my pussy wants You to eat it...
Sire: I pull my t-shirt up off over my head and you can see my erection sticking straight out I want to impale you with it I want to fuck you hard
me: i raise my hips and wiggle... Taunting You.
Sire: I pulled the roses away and took them to the floor and ask you are you ready to be fucked hard my sweet love?
me: Come on Sire, come fuck me. Fuck me hard. Take me. Use me.
Sire: Aren't I just one of your legs so I can pull your knee up high when I begin to lick your pussy
me: Mmmmmmm
Sire: I want my mouth all over your wet pussy I want to put my fingers inside of you and plunge them in and out as I suck on your clitoris and you come on my face again and again.
me: Goodness, yes. Thank You Sire.
Sire: Now I'm ready to fuck you are ready to feel my cock in you.
me: Please fuck me... i want Your cock in my wet pussy...Are you ready to feel my pussy Sire?...
... It's so wet... Please...
... Feel it...
... Fill it... Mmmm... Teehee...
Sire: I kneel between your open legs and begin thrusting hard cock deep inside your pussy.
me: Yes! i raise my hips to meet yours and stare into Your eyes
Sire: I want to change the position of your feet I want to tie the rope around your knees and pull your knees up tight almost to your head...
me: Stare into Your heart... Yes Sire...
Sire: Yes that is good my love stare into my eyes and stare into my heart
me: i wait happily and patiently as You retie
Sire: now I have you tied so that your hands are still above your head and your feet and knees are pulled up high to expose your beautiful ass to me
me: i wiggle my little ass... Are You going to fuck my ass, Sire...Oh please, fuck my ass... Mmmm...
*wiggle* Staring into Your face and Your smile
Sire: I'm going to do what I've been waiting to do my love I'm going to have missionary anal sex with you I'm going to put my cock so deep into your ass but I'm going to look you in the face every second that I do it. I want to see your face in your eyes as I ass fuck you deeply my love...
me: Mmmhmm... Yes Sire... *eyes locked with Yours* Deep breath
Sire: And in this moment as our souls begin to soar again, I tell you that I am madly and deeply in love with you...
me: Madly and desperately, i exhale... Deep breath
Sire: are you ready to cum for me lover, because I'm about to unload deeply into your tender ass. deep breath...
me: Yes, Lover....
Sire: let's cum together my love
me: Please oh please can i cum... Please...
Sire: On 1...
...2...
...3... cum for me
me: mmmmm
Sire: Now...Oh my sweet love.
me: Thank You Sire...Thank You! That was so much fun!!!!
Sire: thank YOU my love... any time my love...
me: Makes me so happy to sext with You, lol...
i also sent Sire a pic of my pussy, along with the 2 pics i normally send Daddy every time i send a pic to a love... So happy that Daddy allows me to play with my friends!!!
me: Mmm, the bench is so cold on my naked skin...
Sire: music is playing softly in the background...Chello music...
me: Mmmm, sweet sounding cello...
Sire: I am playing a soft 3 note song
me: Goodness, i would love to hear You play...My eyes closed. Leaning into the music.
Sire: I lay down the Chello on the couch where I was seated...staring at your back side and ass
me: My eyes immediately open as if i am waking and turn toward You. A small smile on my face.
Sire: I walk over to you and firmly grab your pony tail with one hand and then reach around and grab a breast with the other. A sweet smile on your face.
me: Yes, a sweet smile, Sire. i arch into you and push my ass back on the bench...
Sire: I push you back down onto the bench in draw your face to my lips kiss you deeply.
me: i drink You in
Sire: I want to smell your wetness on my fingers. So I gently but firmly probe your pussy with two fingers.
me: Mmmm, i arch my back again and press my breast into your hand, kissing You deeply.
Sire: While still holding your ponytail tightly in my hand, I pull you up to your feet to lead you into the bedroom. I'm behind you now pushing your head forward as you stumble ahead of me knowing that I'm going to put you in the bed. Yes kissing me very. I already have ties on each bedpost I'm ready to tie your hands and your feet to my bed.
me: Mmmm, i get excited about the bed and start wiggling my ass. Oh yay!!! Rope!! *claps hand*
Sire: I shove you onto the bed and tell you to lay spread eagle so that I can see your open pussy and see your beautiful breasts in your face as I began to tie your hands to the posts.
me: i oblige immediately and move into the requested position quickly. Arching my hopes to give a better view of my shaved dripping wet pussy.
Sire: But you're in for a little surprise now that I have you tied up.
me: Mmmmm, yes Sire! A surprise!! Yay!
Sire: I walk into the kitchen and you hear a little rustling around and I come back with exactly 3 of the yellow roses that were in the vase.
me: *blushing* the roses! They smelled so pretty.
Sire: I waive the roses gently under your nose so you can smell their sweet fragrance, but then I show you the sharp thorns on each of the stems as your eyes widen.
me: i love them. Oh shit! i bite my lip. Look at You pleadingly.
Sire: I gently drag the roses across your breasts so that you can feel the sharp little thorns just touching ever so slightly on your tender skin, I pull the roses all the way down your stomach and let the pile of 3 rest just the top of your pussy.
me: The tickle arches my back and raises my hips.
Sire: I'm sure that your pussy smells better than the roses so I lean down take a smell of each.
me: *blushing* i look to the right
Sire: I slid my hand under your back in lifted high to cause your body to arch i just want to see you move in shiver on my hand
me: Try to hide in my shoulder
Sire: But you can't hide from me as I grab your pony tail again and move your head so that it faces my mouth I want another kiss and I want it now.
me: Mmmmm, shivering nicely, muscles tight. Yes Sire! Licks Your lips.
Sire: I purposely take my time removing my boots my socks in my pants just to tantalize you
me: Sire... Come over to the bed Lover. Look, my pussy wants You to eat it...
Sire: I pull my t-shirt up off over my head and you can see my erection sticking straight out I want to impale you with it I want to fuck you hard
me: i raise my hips and wiggle... Taunting You.
Sire: I pulled the roses away and took them to the floor and ask you are you ready to be fucked hard my sweet love?
me: Come on Sire, come fuck me. Fuck me hard. Take me. Use me.
Sire: Aren't I just one of your legs so I can pull your knee up high when I begin to lick your pussy
me: Mmmmmmm
Sire: I want my mouth all over your wet pussy I want to put my fingers inside of you and plunge them in and out as I suck on your clitoris and you come on my face again and again.
me: Goodness, yes. Thank You Sire.
Sire: Now I'm ready to fuck you are ready to feel my cock in you.
me: Please fuck me... i want Your cock in my wet pussy...Are you ready to feel my pussy Sire?...
... It's so wet... Please...
... Feel it...
... Fill it... Mmmm... Teehee...
Sire: I kneel between your open legs and begin thrusting hard cock deep inside your pussy.
me: Yes! i raise my hips to meet yours and stare into Your eyes
Sire: I want to change the position of your feet I want to tie the rope around your knees and pull your knees up tight almost to your head...
me: Stare into Your heart... Yes Sire...
Sire: Yes that is good my love stare into my eyes and stare into my heart
me: i wait happily and patiently as You retie
Sire: now I have you tied so that your hands are still above your head and your feet and knees are pulled up high to expose your beautiful ass to me
me: i wiggle my little ass... Are You going to fuck my ass, Sire...Oh please, fuck my ass... Mmmm...
*wiggle* Staring into Your face and Your smile
Sire: I'm going to do what I've been waiting to do my love I'm going to have missionary anal sex with you I'm going to put my cock so deep into your ass but I'm going to look you in the face every second that I do it. I want to see your face in your eyes as I ass fuck you deeply my love...
me: Mmmhmm... Yes Sire... *eyes locked with Yours* Deep breath
Sire: And in this moment as our souls begin to soar again, I tell you that I am madly and deeply in love with you...
me: Madly and desperately, i exhale... Deep breath
Sire: are you ready to cum for me lover, because I'm about to unload deeply into your tender ass. deep breath...
me: Yes, Lover....
Sire: let's cum together my love
me: Please oh please can i cum... Please...
Sire: On 1...
...2...
...3... cum for me
me: mmmmm
Sire: Now...Oh my sweet love.
me: Thank You Sire...Thank You! That was so much fun!!!!
Sire: thank YOU my love... any time my love...
me: Makes me so happy to sext with You, lol...
i also sent Sire a pic of my pussy, along with the 2 pics i normally send Daddy every time i send a pic to a love... So happy that Daddy allows me to play with my friends!!!
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